Rehearsal Dinner Nervous Breakdown

So my rehearsal night was awful and embarrassing but Im really hoping someone else has had a similar experience or can tell me they understand what happened. Please don't berrad me which I know is possible to happen on a forum but anyways...



In my head my rehearsal dinner was going to go a certain way. Id arrive early set up a few tables and name placements (we had about 50 ppl coming to our rehearsal), then as people arrive greet with my day of coordinator, mingling, then go into the rehearsal, afterwards have dinner at the venue (we ordered pizza), and afterwards set up as much as possible. This is what I thought would happen. Instead my mom and I argued the entire afternoon as we were trying to rush bcuz I underestimated how much decor I had, my fiance was an anxious mess so he wasnt being much help, and my DOC texts me she can't make it she will have another one of her workers take over the rehearsal and the wedding day. This all lead to us being late. And when we get there half the people are standing outside the venue. And my new DOC also no where to be found. We enter the venue (i had a passcode) and everyone swarms around me asking what they should do. My mind is thinking about tmrw *wedding day*, i have no idea what im doing, now we have to unpack all the boxes that took my mom and I hours, where is my DOC, everyone is here yet nothing is set up, & idk what to tell every person they should be doing (I've never been to or a part of a rehearsal dinner before). I could feel my chest get tight and realized I was having a panic attack and i dont even say anything I just run off. From this point forward I cant even think straight. The DOC arrives and she is lackluster, nice but not much of leader and is asking me questions ive already gone over with the oringal DOC. And i cant really handle many questions obviously. And she takes us through a bumpy messy rehearsal that makes me feel uneasy and I ask her shouldnt we use music I have the playlist and she says no (We shouldve because ive seen the videos and everyone ran down the aisle and didnt wait for any music que) then right before she leaves she says they will not be breaking anything down. My mind thinking about everything already now feels like the world is falling in because I had specifically booked this DOC for breakdown(clean up decor/put tables and chairs away). Panic attack once again and this lady I just met is just staring at me like im crazy not saying anything (that night i forwarded her the email as well showing that they said breakdown would be included). And then she leaves. I'm even more overwhelmed thinking that my husband and I are going to have to somehow clean everything up on time just the two of us because everyone else is going to be lit. My bridal party tries saying they will help but I know them, and I especially know his groomsmen. They are party animals. So Im crying off and on and my fiance isnt anywhere to be found (he was having his own panic attacks in private) Pizza arrives and theres no tables set up, everyone sits scattered around and now my reader is sitting by herself with her kids and she is saying she wants to go. And then his parents decide to take the linens home (they live 40m away) to get out the wrinkles but after they are gone we realize now we cant set anything up. More crying ensuses. And i havent handed out gifts. I had planned on giving a speech about how much I appreciate everyone and then hand out gifts but I after everything I feel like trash from crying so much and I just feel completely depressed. We whind up handing out gifts with no great speech, my fiance and I didnt get to relax and talk and laugh. I thought i was actually going to enjoy the rehearsal more than the wedding with it being our close friends and family. when in reality one of the lowest points in my life mentally was on display for all everyone to see. PLEASE tell me there is someone out there that has gone through something similar and say im not alone because even though its been a few weeks i cant stop replaying it and my mom has been throwing it in my face that I had this breakdown. Or that I'm not crazy that this night just sounded like a train wreck please!