Rehearsal Dinner Etiquette?

I wouldn't ask anyone to cover their own costs at the rehearsal dinner. If they aren't part of the wedding party or participating in the ceremony as a reader, officiant, immediate family, etc, I wouldn't invite them to the rehearsal dinner. It's a nice gesture to invite out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner, but if it puts your rehearsal dinner out of budget, I wouldn't include them.

You cover the bill for everyone. Scale back to pizza delivery and beers/sodas or the local Chinese restaurant instead of a fancy venue.

While some people do host parties for traveling guests, not everyone can afford it nor do they want to host it. A rehearsal dinner consists only of those involved in the ceremony and their significant others. (And parents of flower/ring children). An invite is also extended to the officiant but they decline if they are not a close friend.

Yes, that would be very rude! Guests should never have to open up their wallets at a rehearsal dinner. I think you have a couple of options here:

1. Limit your rehearsal dinner to immediate family, wedding party, and their SOs only. You are not obligated to invite out of towners to your rehearsal dinner. Many brides only include their parents, the wedding party, and the wedding party's SOs.

2. Scale back and instead of hosting at a restaurant, have your rehearsal dinner at a different venue such as a community center where you can order drop off catering. Or you could even have it at somebody's home and order pizza.

I agreed with Lisa, you’re not suppose to make your guests pay for their meal and drinks at rehearsal dinner. Either cut it to a small number of attendees or pay for everyone you invite. We had 36 people at rehearsal dinner and it was open bar so it can get pricey. The other thing you can do is ask the restaurant for a limited menu and maybe pay for the first hour of drinks or do drink tickets and anyone that goes above their drink tickets will just have to pay for the extra drinks they consume.

If you cannot afford to host (ie you pay for everything) for the rehearsal dinner, then don’t invite so many people. Your rehearsal dinner can be casual meaning pizza or Chinese or bbq and it only has to be your wedding party, their significant others (invite your officiant as a sign of good manners) and your family. It doesn’t have to be all out of town guests. If that’s what you want though, you have to pay. Or someone else has to host (like your parents or the grooms parents). It is incredibly rude to ask them to pay for their own meals.

That's pretty rude. Just limit RD invites to those actually participating in the rehearsal.

Yes it’s rude, but it’s totally okay if you just don’t invite out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner.

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Thank you so much. Budget is definitely a concern. I always want to do the most but my pockets do not always agree! To compound the issue, it's been MANY years since I have seen many of the family members coming since we all live so far away from one another.

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Michelle thank you for the input!

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Great ideas! I put this question out there because a friend suggested that I have the SO or "extra" guests pay. Didn't "feel" right to me but I am so out of the loop of what is acceptable these days.

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OOo I like that limited menu idea! Thank you. I will look into that!

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Thank you for your input. I asked this question bc a friend suggested it but just didn't sit right with me. As far as anyone else in the family paying, that is definitely not going to happen since they just aren't financially able.

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I am more leaning toward not inviting them. I just felt so bad not inviting them since some of them are literally crossing oceans to get here.

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That's pretty much what I am leaning toward at this point

We had the same conundrum with wanting to see out of town family but not wanting to host all of them prior to the wedding. We only invited wedding party (and significant others) to the rehearsal dinner but told everyone else that we would be hanging out at a local bar and would love for them to stop by and see us. We probably had 30-40 people that stopped by to see us at the bar. It was a nice middle ground that I could see everyone but didn't feel obligated to cover their bar tab.

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That is a good idea. The place I was thinking of is a restaurant on one side and the other side is more laid back, sports bar vibe with a covered out door area. So maybe we have the wedding party to dinner, then just over to the bar for everyone else to join?

View Quoted Comment Keep in mind that your wedding party (bridesmaids and groomsmen)‘a significant others will need to be invited and paid for. Your flower girl and ring bearer (and their parents) too. Other than that, anyone else is extra. But everyone you DO invite needs to be hosted. But significant others should be invited.

Better not to have them, than invite them to join you and pay for themselves.

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Thank you!

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Thank you so much