Registry or no registry?

I agree with you. If they don't want to buy or look at your registry they don't have to do I wouldn't listen to your mom as it isn't her decision anyways.

I personally hate registries. But that’s a very personal opinion. If you like registries, go for it. Part of me feels like it’s just so not what weddings are supposed to be about. My husband and I were together for over 10 years before we got married, so we have been living together and if we want stuff we just buy it. Especially when it comes to stuff for the house. I would feel so awkward and out of place asking people for things. So I understand where your mom is coming from however your mom does not have a say in how YOU feel. There are nothing wrong with registries or showers and it is a very personal choice to make

At first glance, I would have thought your mom was old school proper where the registry is only shared by word of mouth. But the head in the sand business is bizarre. Ignore that “advice” completely. People always know that a registry is optional but they also understand that is what you want instead of random stuff you don’t want and can’t return, which is what happens when you don’t register, as not every circle gives cash automatically or at all.

Your age and the period you have lived together is irrelevant because everyone can use upgrades and new things. Plus guests want to buy you gift to share your happiness. Coworkers do as well when they host a shower for you even when they know they aren’t invited.

Do what works for you and severely limit the information she receives beyond when and where the wedding is.

Speaking as a guest, if a couple doesn’t have a registry, I will be flustered and likely gift them something that fits them. In my family and social circles, cash is not given because registries are favored, so that is what I personally am used to. If there is a registry, then hopefully it’s easy to locate and it’s such a great thing to have as a guest to know what specifically you want and need.

I would just list it. I think these days people expect it. Also, as someone who has bought gifts off of registries, I’d personally like to spend my money on something I know the couple needs/wants, rather than have to try and guess if they already have something or if someone has already purchased it


My fiancé was pretty set against having one , and I’ll admit I feel a little awkward about it as well. But we know at least a certain percentage of people are going to give us gifts no matter what we say. And we don’t live together and we’ve both been living like college students throughout our adulthood, so we have a legitimate need for stuff to build a home together. Because of all this, a registry makes sense and if people don’t want to buy us anything off of it, that’s fine by us and we get a discount off of anything not purchased by our guests.

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You are perfect candidates for a shower. Everyone is actually contrary to popular belief. But especially since you mentioned you have been living separately as adults who are just starting out, which is what a registry is intended for.