Registry alternative

I definitely shouldn't be asking people to donate money towards your wedding as that is rude and tacky. Also, if you don't have a registry people may just buy you random stuff. We had a registry and we still had people buy us stuff that wasn't on our registry. I would think your chances of this happening would increase if you don't have a registry. People won't have any clue of something you'd need so they will just buy you random things that you might not want or like.

We aren’t doing a registry either; we already have everything we need and the last thing I need is more “stuff,” Lol. In the absence of a registry, guests will just default to good old fashioned cash/checks like people have done for years. Just have a card box clearly marked at your reception. Honeyfunds have become very popular the last few years, but they are somewhat controversial depending on the audience. Your younger guests won’t think twice about them, but your older guests may find the idea offensive. This is likely where your mom is coming from. In addition, most of the honeymoon funds take a fee, and frankly I’d prefer to just get the whole amount myself rather than pay unnecessary fees. Regardless of what side of the fence you sit on, your mom is 100% correct that you should never ask people to contribute toward the cost of your wedding.

My fiancé and I are merging two households so we don’t necessarily “need” anything (in fact, we’re cleaning and purging a lot of things), but we did create a registry to upgrade some of the items we had individually that were old.

We’re not doing any type of registry- only have a honey fund. We own our home & have been living together for some time so we don’t need stuff. I’ve been asked if we’re registered anywhere & I tell them that we only have our honeymoon fund. Definitely don’t ask anyone to contribute to your wedding.

The home and honeymoon funds are common now a days but DO NOT make a fund to pay for the wedding. One of my friends did that and no one donated to it and also I thought it was kinda tacky? I did a honeymoon fund too but most people just ended up giving me cash or check.

Honeymoon funds can be a cute option, and if you put some effort into it even more old-school gift givers may participate. A couple of my close friends set them up with activities and pictures very specific to their honeymoon destination (it was often a task for the groom!). Then their thank you notes would specifically address what you contributed to (eg: “snorkeling was amazing, we even saw a shark” or “breakfast in bed our first morning was the best way to start our life together”). Yes there is a small fee, but it may be a better option to give anyone who won’t do cash and would otherwise pick something random.
Whatever you do, don’t ask for contributions to the wedding- it’s super tacky! I really dislike contributions to a first home as well, no matter what amount I give it is essentially insignificant in the cost of a house. Makes the gift seem meaningless.

Why don’t you do a wishing well? This way, you don’t have to have your guests donate towards anything specific, rather, they just make a monetary gift generally.

A LOT of women on WW turn their noses at wishing wells but where I live (Australia) they are the norm and no one takes offence at the thought of it. We are doing a wishing well for our wedding and rather than put a card in our invitation suite directing guests to a registry, we have a cute poem on our ‘Wishing Well Card’ (also normal here) stating that if guests wish to give a gift, to make a contribution to our wishing well.

I have been told that some people will still give physical gifts but hey, whatever floats their boats.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. In our area, cash is the most common gift anyway (it's what I always give too). We have a registry with some upgrades of stuff. Those gifts were mostly bought for the shower. Almost everyone but 1 person gave us a card with either cash or a check in it (although 2 people venmoed lol).

You can set up a honeymoon fund on your wedding website. That would be the only thing I would do out of what you mentioned. Asking for "donations" towards your wedding and house is rude. However, honeymoon funds have become quite popular. Otherwise, most guests will bring cash if you do not have a formal registry set up.

You can do a cash fund on Zola, my husband and I have one and no one had any complaints. I feel like most people give money for weddings anyways

View Quoted Comment I agree with you on this. Having a registry is helpful for guests so they know what to give you. Asking for money to pay for the wedding can be a bit tacky as you put it. Maybe a honeymoon fund sounds better.

My fiancé and I decided to make a honeymoon registry through Travelers' Joy. Something great about Travelers' Joy is you receive all of the money in cash. So if your honeymoon gets cancelled or you decide to spend the money on your house then it's totally fine. Hope that helps!

View Quoted Comment This. If you don't have a registry, people will buy you gifts you don't want and can't return, every single time. Many people do not view cash gifts, honeymoon registries and similar modern alternatives in a positive light despite being very popular with the younger crowds.

If you use any sort of "honey fund" website the site will take a cut. If you don't set up any registry or money ask of any sort, most folks will just give you money and you can use it for whatever you want. Guests don't need to be prompted to give you a gift - if you don't have a registry they will just default to cash/checks.