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Pegs
VIP July 2018

ptsd from Wedding Planning

Pegs, on January 15, 2019 at 9:05 AM Posted in Married Life 0 20
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Hi, everyone. It's been a while since I've been on here. I think I tried avoiding revisiting WeddingWire after my wedding as it provoked anxiety and memories of stress-filled wedding planning.

I'm a slightly self-proclaimed perfectionist in certain areas of my life and I always had envisioned my wedding being my version of "perfect".

My wedding took place in Greece, where half our guests already lived in Greece and the other half were traveling from the States. That factor, in itself, caused me to worry endless about logistics and making sure my guests were accommodated properly.

Anyhow, looking back at pictures and getting myself to watch our video causes a surge of panic. I start to sweat and dissect every detail, and my mind travels back to the same stress I experienced throughout my planning process.


Has anyone felt this way? I can't get over this post-anxiety even though my wedding was nearly 6 months ago. How do I get over this? I feel like crying most of the time and I don't understand why I am like this. Any advice is appreciated.

20 Comments

Latest activity by Kim876, on October 19, 2020 at 3:22 PM
  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
    • Flag
    I haven't experienced this and it does seem like more than normal anxiety. I'd consult a professional. Hope you feel better soon.
    • Reply
  • JustKidding
    VIP April 2018
    JustKidding ·
    • Flag

    I mean this with kindness, you might want to look into counseling. While wedding planning is stressful, these feelings seem to be a bit much. Are you sure it's the wedding? Was there something else that happened around that time? Could you be pulling from another event in life that makes you react to this?

    (I feel like a jerk, feelings are valid, but still need to be looked at sometimes)

    • Reply
  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
    • Flag

    Oh wow, I hope things improve for you soon. I think I agree with the above comment. It does seem to be abnormal anxiety, and seeking a professional consultation could benefit you.

    • Reply
  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
    • Flag

    I'm so sorry you are feeling like this Smiley sad Your wedding was beautiful! I would like the pp said try talking to a professional about it and get to the root of it so you can look back on your day as the amazing one that it was.

    • Reply
  • N
    Expert August 2019
    N ·
    • Flag
    Please see a therapist. That intense of a reaction is not normal. Good luck!
    • Reply
  • Pegs
    VIP July 2018
    Pegs ·
    • Flag

    Thank you, everyone. To JustKidding, I appreciate your question. It's funny you mention that because I, simultaneously, had to balance my divorced parents and their constant fighting, even leading up to the day of my wedding. I cried at my rehearsal because my dad made me feel bad for inviting certain members of my mom's family.

    So to answer your question - yes. My stress was rooting not just from planning a wedding, but from managing my parents' bitter relationship (something I hope no child every has to do).

    I tried therapy once and should probably revisit. Thank you, everyone.

    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    VIP October 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    As someone who has PTSD, & has seen a counselor for years, I also think that looking into what was going on around the time of planning, & the wedding itself, might be a good idea.
    I also highly agree that you should look into seeing someone to help sort out what’s going on.
    There are some WONDERFUL people out there who specalize in PTSD type symptoms( and I think yours are close enough, if not are, to look for that)... Also, look for “Animal Assissted” as they can help- assuming you don’t have allergies or dislike animals- by making it not as formal or as “weird”....

    Could the fact the wedding is over factor into it? Did anyone complain about anything? Or have a bad experience traveling to Greece, or the wedding?? Did anyone pass away? Lose a job? Maybe look into why you are a “perfectionist”- did something happen when you were little to “make” you that way??
    Just thoughts, Hun....

    I wish the Very best for you! And hope that soon you can watch the video and look at the pictures and be Happy!!!!!!
    • Reply
  • JustKidding
    VIP April 2018
    JustKidding ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    Yep, that could cause a negative reaction to the whole wedding. Remember, your parents actions are just that, theirs. Don't put their behavior on yourself. I'm a child of abuse and narcissism. It's taken years to shake their negativity.


    I hope you find peace and happiness. No one deserves to look back at their wedding with such sadness.

    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    Hi Pegs!!! It’s been a while. ❤️

    As a fellow perfectionist, I found myself dissecting my wedding and photos too much and being sad with a few silly details. But it was such a happy day, and my divorced parents were on good behavior, I kept redirecting myself to the great moments (and my hubby would tell me to stop obsessing on missed moments/photos). It just sounds like you pushed yourself too much on planning. And family drama at your wedding is awful (and maybe feeling unresolved?). If you feel such a high stress level after six months, maybe a counseling session might help? 🤗
    • Reply
  • Mrs. Cohen
    Super October 2018
    Mrs. Cohen ·
    • Flag

    I don't necessarily experience panic, but I experience regret about things as I think back to our wedding 3 months ago. It really was a wonderfully beautiful day that I'll cherish forever, but I dissect certain elements of our day also (i.e. Why did I wear the stupid ribbon sash that came with my gown instead of getting a nicer sparkly belt? Why didn't I ask our photographer to get other certain photographs/poses? Why did I stand/pose certain ways in some of the photos?... the list just goes on). Sometimes I drive myself crazy with this!

    Usually when this happens, I take a breather, distance myself from Pinterest (that's what seems to make me become overly critical on how certain things went/looked on my wedding day), and I take time to look through our wedding album, which is filled with the photos I do love of our day and give me nothing to criticize or stress over. This usually helps me feel better about our beautiful wedding day Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Kari
    Just Said Yes October 2018
    Kari ·
    • Flag
    I can 100% relate. I am a perfectionist too and my wedding was anything but perfect. It was cold, it was rainy, the photographer was horrible, everything ran late, my bustle broke on my dress, I could go on and on... Despite this everyone tells me our wedding was perfect and beautiful, but all I can remember are the flaws. In my mind, the only good thing that came out of our wedding is being married to my husband. Our 1 year anniversary is approaching and I am still haunted by my wedding day. Everytime I see someone post wedding pictures or anything associated with weddings on Facebook I feel sick, panicked, and angry. I’m sorry to hear you’re suffering with this too, but I am glad to hear I am not alone. I am hoping these distressing feelings will pass with time...
    • Reply
  • M
    Just Said Yes May 2018
    MissK ·
    • Flag
    Oh my goodness!! I am so sorry to hear you feel this way but also SO happy that I am not alone in my feelings!!
    I experienced same emotions and still do (almost 2nd year wedding anniversary!)
    • Reply
  • LemonFizz
    Just Said Yes July 2018
    LemonFizz ·
    • Flag

    Me three, I am completely riddled with anxiety since my 2018 wedding. I have felt like I am going mad but realising perhaps there is someone else out there feeling this way, doesn't make me happy but at least not alone. I don't know what to do, other than therapy Smiley sad


    • Reply
  • K
    Just Said Yes September 2017
    Kate ·
    • Flag
    My wedding was Sept 2017 and also in a foreign country and I have the same feeling about it. Everything actually went very well on the day but the week preceding and the day after were some of the worst of my life. I guess i had been planning for so long and had a vision in my head of how things would go, when that fell apart I was just a mess. My husband and I don't like to talk about our wedding day because of how miserable we both were...it still upsets me.
    • Reply
  • I
    March 2013
    Isabel ·
    • Flag
    Hi Pegs


    I don’t have great news for you I am afraid. I got married in 2013 and I am still filled with anxiety almost certainly from ptsd from my wedding back then! The good news it is not all the time. The bad news is that, despite therapy etc, whenever the subject of weddings comes up I am transported back to our wedding day and am only left with a deep level of anxiety, depression, misery and anger etc. All classic ptsd signs.
    I am only on this site because I am still trying to deal with those feelings. They have arisen recently because my brother-in-law is to be married in June so my husbands side of the family are all excited about this and won’t talk about anything else. I do all I can to change the subject or avoid it. I have come to terms that it is only really an issue for me in my head. I have a great marriage, wonderful children, lovely supportive extended family. They all talk in nothing but glowing terms about our wedding and I have to try to play along so as not to disappoint anyone with my viscerally negative reaction were I to be truly honest about my feelings! In some ways it is truly ridiculous, it was just a day, everyone else had a good time, why be so negative? But the one thing I know from therapy is that you can’t help the way you *feel* and pretending externally all was well, and wasn’t it great etc etc doesn’t change the fact that whenever the subject is discussed my heart races, I feel sick and those feelings of anger and fear and resentment at trying to make everyone else happy by accommodating everyone else’s demands are real feelings.
    My own parents have a sense of how disappointed and upset I was at the whole occasion (my mum keeps asking me to select my favourite photos for a photo montage on her wall to sit alongside my sisters wedding photos - but I keep refusing and tell her offhand how I would rather forget the whole thing!!). So it’s only with my in-laws I am ever now reminded of it. And they think it was the most wonderful day ever.
    The reasons behind my feeling that way are also small and trivial and ultimately just stem from the stress of trying to organise something that sort of pleased everyone as well as myself. I managed to please everyone else but felt the compromises I made disappointed me (my mother in law insisting on doing the flowers - she is emphatically not a florist, being forced to have bridesmaids so as not to disappoint friends, having to adhere to a certain structure out of “tradition”, trying to keep all those plates spinning on the day without being able to just sit back and enjoy it as I was the only person ever asked about anything coordination-wise. Basically i am troubled by the fact I was trying to accommodate expectations of a certain day in a church with a big reception when all I wanted was to have a registry office ceremony followed by a nice meal at a swanky restaurant they would have required no logistical issues whatsoever!
    So enough of a rant from me. You are not alone. It gets easier. So long as your marriage is strong and you don’t have loads of pictures lying around it really doesn’t matter. And then you just have to avoid all other weddings for the rest of your life!
    • Reply
  • Vanessasaurus
    VIP June 2019
    Vanessasaurus ·
    • Flag
    It’s unfortunate but so much time, energy, and planning goes into a wedding yet other people’s actions and opinions surrounding the day can really have a lasting impact. While I cannot relate exactly, I can’t watch any type of Wedding shows on TLC anymore without getting a little sick about it. While my wedding day turned out amazing, the stress my MIL put me through every step of the way really put a damper on the planning process and engagement. Try to focus on separating the process from the experience of the day. I know it’s easier said than done!
    • Reply
  • CARLA
    Just Said Yes October 2016
    CARLA ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I totally get you. I feel exactly the same about my wedding. Our wedding was in Mexico and it became a nightmare 2 months before the wedding after the chef who was doing the catering failed us (it included the venue) and we had to look for a new venue and catering company 2 months before the wedding. Amidst all that my father passed away unexpectedly so you couldn't imagine the stress among yes, family members arguing because they're just helplessly selfish. It took me a while to look at the pictures and the video and all I can feel is the stress that we went through during that time so I totally understand where you're coming from. I've tried therapy and other things to help my past. If you'd like to talk about it my Instagram is @carliaranguren so you can message me. It really helps to talk it out. Xoxo.
    • Reply
  • CARLA
    Just Said Yes October 2016
    CARLA ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Hugs to you. Sadly, I feel the same about my wedding and it helps to hear other's peoples perspective.
    • Reply
  • Kim876
    October 2019
    Kim876 ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Hi Isabel, going through the same. Would you be open to chatting? Do you have Instagram?
    • Reply
  • Kim876
    October 2019
    Kim876 ·
    • Flag
    Hi pegs, you’re not alone. Are you open to chatting? It helps to talk to others with similar feelings. Do you have Instagram?
    • Reply

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