Problems

I’m from a more tight nit family than my husband and he is used to doing things alone or with friends rather than with family. I don’t see anything wrong with a yearly guys trip (especially if the other guys are also married and/or have kids) because they probably won’t get too wild. Also, you should be allowed a yearly girls trip as well. It’s only fair.

Kids don’t care if their parents need sleep so your husbands logic is totally flawed. My husband and I have a 16 month old and are pregnant now with a honeymoon baby. I also have two older boys (12 and 10) from a previous relationship and no matter how many times I ask them to quiet down so I can take a nap, it doesn’t happen. Kids have no concept of personal space. As an introvert I tend to crave alone ti e and that doesn’t happen until late at night when they are all in bed and I become sleep deprived because I really want to read a book.

Do not have any kids yet because they will 100% put a strain on your relationship. Make sure you guys do the work to get on the sane page first. Your husband needs to understand that it’s not all about him. If you compromise for him, he needs to compromise for you. A marriage requires work and it won’t be successful if only one person is working at it.

I agree with all the pp suggesting counseling! I would also hold off on getting pregnant until ya'll work this out. I don't know that I would have gone through with the wedding with him acting like that, but since you did you need to be firm about what is and isn't acceptable in your marriage. A yearly guys trip shouldn't be a problem (esp if they're all married too) but running off for any reason is not okay at all! Kids aren't going to understand his distance and you and he need to discuss that before you have any. Counseling will help iron all that out, and if he won't change or compromise then you really need to evaluate if this marriage is viable.

I would say you need to find some balance that makes both of you happy. I think guys trips are perfectly normal and healthy! You don't need to be together at all times. You should be able to spend a weekend, or event a week apart and be okay! That being said, I think is is completely reasonable for you not to want him to leave you at home with a newborn by yourself. I would say something like this: "We have agreed to have children together, as a team. It makes me nervous/uncomfortable (whatever you feel) to be alone while we are still learning how to care for our child. Would you be willing to skip this years trip or move it before the baby comes?" As for a night to himself a week, that's normal and fine. My FH golfs every Wednesday and I am on my own. At first, I hated it. Now I have come to love and enjoy my Wednesday. Sometimes I have wine night with the girls, others I chill and treat myself to a bubble bath or something of that nature. I agree that that kind of time will be harder with kids, but if it something your husband need, you need to help him get that. Maybe he has a night to himself when the kid(s) have a late dance class or soccer practice, etc. I know you are frustrated, but you need to listen to what he needs. People need different things and you should respect his needs, but he should also respect yours!

I've been with my FH for 10 years and last thanksgiving was the first holiday we've ever spent together. And we only spent that together because his grandparents assumed since we were engaged that we would suddenly want to do holidays together so they moved their thanksgiving to Saturday (which was super nice of them but I'd honestly rather just leave it the way it was).

I actually kind of live spending holidays separate. (Most people think we are very weird that we do this) He goes to his family on Thanksgiving and Christmas Day and I go to my family. I like to stay and talk to my family for hours, he is not a talker so he would rather just go home. And when we go to his family, it is ONLY his grandparents (his mom passed away and his dad lives far away) and they are very quiet people. So between FH being quiet and his grandparents being quiet, we basically just sit in silence for 2 hours. (Don't get me wrong, I love his family. But I come from a loud family where everyone is in each other's business. His family is very private, quiet, and they don't like to share a lot of personal stuff with anyone.)

We have a group of about 6 of us (friends who have been friends forever) who do Christmas Eve dinner every year and that's how we spend our holiday together. We also usually spend black friday with our friend group as well. I'm the only girl (none of the other guys are married or have girlfriends yet, 1 is divorced and has a 3 year old.) So I understand your husband's thing about continuing traditions with his friends because that is very important to us too.

If some of the other friends are starting to get married or have kids as well, maybe you can start a new tradition and incorporate them into it. Like have a christmas eve dinner with your husbands friend group? That way you will feel more involved AND he will have his friends over. And then he can also do his trip because that's HIS thing.

Does the younger brother live near you? Maybe you can hang out with is wife while the guys go on the trips.

Hopefully you guys can reach a compromise before a baby happens!