Post Wedding Disappointment and Blues

Just wanted to let you know I’m so sorry you are going through this 💙

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Thank you!

I’m so sorry to hear. A lot of people who don’t have the wedding experience that they want sometimes do a Vow Renewal at a significant anniversary so that they can get the wedding experience they want that they didn’t get before. And as far as photography goes you can always do a nice photo shoot later on in your wedding clothes again.

It's ok to be honest that you are happy to be married to your husband AND feel like your backyard wedding wasn't perfect and/or didn't meet the expectations that you had! I actually think there are a lot more people out there just like you but they don't feel comfortable sharing their sadness because they don't want to be viewed as ungrateful or not looking at all the positive. Sending hugs to you.

I understand your disappointment. Can you do a fabulous vow renewal next year? That way you can enjoy being married now and get your dream wedding too. 🤗

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. I also keep reading so many anecdotal stories about how someone's backyard wedding was beautiful and perfect, but that is not the reality for everyone, and I think more people are feeling the way that you are than you may realize. It is perfectly reasonable to be sad and disappointed despite getting to marry your best friend.

I know everyone has their own perspective on this, but to put it simply, I feel robbed. We haven't had our wedding yet, but with such limited options, I'm trying to make peace with the fact that we are not going to have a normal wedding. There are some moments that we just won't get to have no matter what we do, and it's devastating.

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"There are some moments that we just won't get to have no matter what we do, and it's devastating." - I couldn't agree more. We have been forced to postpone for a multitude of reasons, and I'm so disappointed. We're still going to have it, and we're going to get married regardless asap, but I wanted my date for a specific reason and now I'm being forced into a date/time of year that isn't special for me, and that I don't particularly like. So... I get it. You can make the best of it, and try to look at the positives, but that doesn't take away from the very real sadness and disappointment.

Despite the fact that you still got to marry your beloved husband, you also had a lot of disappointments. It's not only okay, but probably necessary to acknowledge those disappointments and kind of grieve over them. Yes, hopefully, you'll get to have a celebration some day, but you'll never get to have the wedding you dreamed of and planned. That's a true loss. You can be both grateful for what you have, but also sad about what you missed out on. I think even in "normal" times, many brides/couples feel disappointed/let down when the wedding is over -- there are many posts on this site from some of them and my daughter was really sad when her relatively perfect wedding was over 18 months ago. It makes even more sense that someone, like you, who didn't come anywhere close to the experience you were planning would feel sadness and disappointment. Cut yourself some slack and find someone -- H or a friend or relative who can be sympathetic -- and talk about how you're feeling. You'll likely come to terms with your feelings more quickly if you deal with them rather than try to "put on a happy face" when you're just not yet there. The current circumstances are creating regrets for almost everyone; as a bride, you certainly are entitled to your share. Good luck to you!

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much! And you’re absolutely right — this is a time of many complex feelings, and loss is very much at the center, right next to gratitude and joy.

View Quoted Comment Thanks so much for your response. I am sending you comfort and care from afar. There’s a lot that comes up around the idea of choice and control being taken from us , especially for such a big life moment.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! And you’re right, I think devastating is the appropriate word

I'm sorry this is happening - I'm in the COVID bride boat as well and we'll just have to see how it plays out. You're definitely entitled to feeling disappointed and grieving the wedding you had planned. It sounds like you really did make the best of it, but also that it was very stressful and was a lot of your blood sweat and tears when you should have been relaxed and with friends. You deserved your planned day, and I hope you get it sometime in the future.
It may not mean much coming from a stranger, and might be a crappy silver lining, but I think it's great how much consideration you have for your guests safety. Give yourself time, and express yourself to your husband so you can work through that together.

I just did the same (3 days ago) and I am feeling disappointed that I got denied any piece of the wedding I had always dreamed of, same as you though, I am so happy I get to marry the man that is perfect for me! We have a big wedding still currently planned for the end of November, that was supposed to be the only wedding, but due to the virus shutting everything down and me being a teacher with an uncertain future, we felt it would be best to go ahead and have a small backyard wedding (literally in my mother's tiny house and backyard). This way whatever happened we would be married and could start our lives together, plus even if November still happens I don't think many people will actually attend, which is also disappointing. However, for this wedding I planned everything in a matter of two weeks. I ordered a tea dress off of Amazon, we made the food ourselves (nachos), I made my own cake the day before, and my own bouquet too. I did my own hair and makeup, my brother-in-law and myself did the photography (yes I was taking pictures of my own wedding). The days leading up had a major disappointment each day, my ring came in a little too small, my mother was having constant pain from her fibromyalgia barely able to walk, my grandfather wouldn't be able to come to walk me down the aisle, because he was sick with an infection, my best friend was told to quarentine due to possibly being in contact with someone else who thought they might have COVID (the evening before the wedding), and to top it all off my fiance and I got into a huge fight the night before the wedding. The day of I felt helpless and sad, instead of what I should be, nervous and excited. The whole ceremony seemed like a bust, my fiance stood on the wrong side, he was nervous I guess and stood there in shock instead of holding my hands, our officiant a good friend of ours said my fiance's last name wrong, and called me by a different first name. I also at some points had to run the music too. During the so-called reception I was working and my fiance felt isolated in a corner, I was sad his family wasn't even telling him congratulations, and I was sad I was having to work and leave him there alone. That is not how it should be even in a backyard wedding. The only plus was our wedding night was amazing thanks to the generous hotel stay paid for by my sister. But the second day, which was also supposed to be nice and was a lot of money for us, was horrible. I know post-wedding blues is normal, but I don't think it is supposed to be like this. I am upset I am not the only bride feeling this way, but glad to know I am not alone.

Hey there,

I'm so sorry you feel this way. I'm still not over my disappointment from my wedding back in Dec 2020 and I've been dealing with a lot of trauma and panic attacks from flashes that I get back from it. I can't even look at my now SIL and not have bad memories of her and have a normal relationship with her. I have so much anger and resentment towards my family and can only see the bad things they did to me on what was supposed to be the most important and biggest day of my life that I can never get back. I didn't have support from anyone (despite it being an arranged marriage) and I basically had to do everything myself and pay for everything myself. I looked horrible on my wedding day and can't even look back at pictures without bursting out into tears. I am of Indian descent, so it's a lot of pressure and family dynamics and a toxic environment that really took away from what was really important that day. There is not a day that goes by for me (its been 11 months now) where I don't break down crying because of the disappointment of my wedding day but also how I was so let down by my whole family. And the thing is, I've never gotten anything or any event in my life even go remotely the way that I imagine it. In a way, I guess I should have expected this from my wedding as well. The only solace I have is that the reasons for my wedding not being the way I expected was because of other people and there is absolutely nothing that I could have controlled or done to make things better. And that I'm married to an amazing person. It won't be easy to forget or get over, but I try to look at each day going forward rather than looking back. And to try to think that one day shouldn't ruin the rest of my life. I hope you feel better and sending you lots of comfort. Take care!

You are definitely not alone. I started this thread after our May 2020 Covid elopement and found a lot of ladies who had gone through something similar and shared support and empathy. You might find reading through it helpful. Warning: There some harsh, rude, and insensitive words mixed in there, so while there is a lot of kindness in that thread, some comments are not and could be triggering.

We ended up having a redo wedding celebration in June of this year, since we already had all of our vendors booked, invested a significant amount of money, and spent so much time planning before Covid happened. It did provide me some closure, but still is not what our wedding would have been had the pandemic never happened. It feels hard to complain because so much of the day went really well - our vendors were amazing, we had perfect weather, and some people really rallied around me when my closest friends weren't there - but I was just so emotionally spent that I didn't cry a single tear or really feel these genuine happy joyful wedding emotions I hoped to, and so very few of my close friends were in attendance that it felt kind of like I was an imposter at someone else's wedding.

Covid stole something from me. My wedding never was what it could have been, what I hoped it would be when we started planning, or what my husband and I deserved. But with time, you do heal. What feels really heartbreaking now will still hurt in the future, but it will hurt less, and new joy and things to celebrate will come in and replace that pain.

At the end of every day, I am so tremendously grateful to be married to the man I love and who supports me unconditionally through my ups and downs. It doesn't negate our wedding getting the total shaft by a once in a hundred years pandemic, but it counts for so much. You are 100% allowed to be grateful for and appreciate the things you have, but still feel sad and disappointed that you didn't get to experience a beautiful wedding like so many others do.

I am so very sorry. Virtual hugs from a bride who has been there!