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Beginner July 2020

Post Wedding Disappointment and Blues

Veriya, on July 23, 2020 at 2:03 PM Posted in Married Life 2 13
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My partner and I planned to have two weddings this year, one mid-size family gathering and another destination wedding in a tropical place. Both were canceled due to COVID, so we decided to have a relatively spontaneous backyard wedding with only (some of) our immediate family members present. We only had a few weeks to throw everything together. Our bachelor and bachelorette parties had to be canceled as well, for the same reason.

Whenever I hear people say that "despite the struggle, the day was perfect," I just feel sad. Our day was not perfect. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't anywhere near perfect. I cried the morning of and then again the day after. I couldn't have any friends there, and I put in so much work to try and make the day as safe as possible given the virus situation. I didn't get my hair or makeup professionally done, my dress was not steamed, I was still prepping (i made pretty much all the food for the wedding) until 2 hours before the ceremony, and we didn't have a photographer (though our family stepped in and took some good shots). The wedding itself was lovely for a few hours, and we had fun, but then it was over and we went back to work exhausted two days later, and also anxious about anyone getting sick. We can't have a honeymoon (we were planning to go to Europe) and didn't even get to have a mini moon. I just feel sad and disappointed. We keep saying that we will celebrate with people when it's safe, but I don't think it will happen unless we decide to do a vow renewal multiple years later. A part of me feels like it doesn't matter because I got to marry my best friend, while another part of me feels kind of heartbroken about it.

I was never about making a huge deal of the wedding or wanting to spend so much money, but I wanted to feel special and for the day to feel memorable. In a lot of ways, it just didn't feel like that, and I feel like we missed out on something that we (mostly I) have been planning for over a year. I am happy to be married, and I love my husband, but I hate that I feel sad when I think back to the day and the process. Is anyone else in the same boat? If so, I am sending you lots of love and comfort.

13 Comments

Latest activity by Gayle, on August 8, 2020 at 9:13 AM
  • D
    Dedicated June 2021
    Doxie Mom
    • Flag
    Just wanted to let you know I鈥檓 so sorry you are going through this 馃挋
    • Reply
  • V
    Beginner July 2020
    Veriya
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Thank you! Smiley heart

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  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle
    • Flag
    I鈥檓 so sorry to hear. A lot of people who don鈥檛 have the wedding experience that they want sometimes do a Vow Renewal at a significant anniversary so that they can get the wedding experience they want that they didn鈥檛 get before. And as far as photography goes you can always do a nice photo shoot later on in your wedding clothes again.
    • Reply
  • J
    Expert May 2021
    Jaime
    • Flag

    It's ok to be honest that you are happy to be married to your husband AND feel like your backyard wedding wasn't perfect and/or didn't meet the expectations that you had! I actually think there are a lot more people out there just like you but they don't feel comfortable sharing their sadness because they don't want to be viewed as ungrateful or not looking at all the positive. Sending hugs to you.

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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride
    • Flag
    I understand your disappointment. Can you do a fabulous vow renewal next year? That way you can enjoy being married now and get your dream wedding too. 馃
    • Reply
  • Eri
    Super October 2020
    Eri
    • Flag

    I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. I also keep reading so many anecdotal stories about how someone's backyard wedding was beautiful and perfect, but that is not the reality for everyone, and I think more people are feeling the way that you are than you may realize. It is perfectly reasonable to be sad and disappointed despite getting to marry your best friend.

    I know everyone has their own perspective on this, but to put it simply, I feel robbed. We haven't had our wedding yet, but with such limited options, I'm trying to make peace with the fact that we are not going to have a normal wedding. There are some moments that we just won't get to have no matter what we do, and it's devastating.

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  • S
    Dedicated May 2021
    Sarah
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    View Quoted Comment

    "There are some moments that we just won't get to have no matter what we do, and it's devastating." - I couldn't agree more. We have been forced to postpone for a multitude of reasons, and I'm so disappointed. We're still going to have it, and we're going to get married regardless asap, but I wanted my date for a specific reason and now I'm being forced into a date/time of year that isn't special for me, and that I don't particularly like. So... I get it. You can make the best of it, and try to look at the positives, but that doesn't take away from the very real sadness and disappointment.

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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal
    • Flag

    Despite the fact that you still got to marry your beloved husband, you also had a lot of disappointments. It's not only okay, but probably necessary to acknowledge those disappointments and kind of grieve over them. Yes, hopefully, you'll get to have a celebration some day, but you'll never get to have the wedding you dreamed of and planned. That's a true loss. You can be both grateful for what you have, but also sad about what you missed out on. I think even in "normal" times, many brides/couples feel disappointed/let down when the wedding is over -- there are many posts on this site from some of them and my daughter was really sad when her relatively perfect wedding was over 18 months ago. It makes even more sense that someone, like you, who didn't come anywhere close to the experience you were planning would feel sadness and disappointment. Cut yourself some slack and find someone -- H or a friend or relative who can be sympathetic -- and talk about how you're feeling. You'll likely come to terms with your feelings more quickly if you deal with them rather than try to "put on a happy face" when you're just not yet there. The current circumstances are creating regrets for almost everyone; as a bride, you certainly are entitled to your share. Good luck to you! Smiley heart

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  • V
    Beginner July 2020
    Veriya
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    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you so much! And you鈥檙e absolutely right 鈥 this is a time of many complex feelings, and loss is very much at the center, right next to gratitude and joy.
    • Reply
  • V
    Beginner July 2020
    Veriya
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    View Quoted Comment
    Thanks so much for your response. I am sending you comfort and care from afar. There鈥檚 a lot that comes up around the idea of choice and control being taken from us , especially for such a big life moment.
    • Reply
  • V
    Beginner July 2020
    Veriya
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    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you! And you鈥檙e right, I think devastating is the appropriate word
    • Reply
  • Emily
    Expert September 2020
    Emily
    • Flag
    I'm sorry this is happening - I'm in the COVID bride boat as well and we'll just have to see how it plays out. You're definitely entitled to feeling disappointed and grieving the wedding you had planned. It sounds like you really did make the best of it, but also that it was very stressful and was a lot of your blood sweat and tears when you should have been relaxed and with friends. You deserved your planned day, and I hope you get it sometime in the future.
    It may not mean much coming from a stranger, and might be a crappy silver lining, but I think it's great how much consideration you have for your guests safety. Give yourself time, and express yourself to your husband so you can work through that together.
    • Reply
  • Gayle
    Just Said Yes November 2020
    Gayle
    • Flag
    I just did the same (3 days ago) and I am feeling disappointed that I got denied any piece of the wedding I had always dreamed of, same as you though, I am so happy I get to marry the man that is perfect for me! We have a big wedding still currently planned for the end of November, that was supposed to be the only wedding, but due to the virus shutting everything down and me being a teacher with an uncertain future, we felt it would be best to go ahead and have a small backyard wedding (literally in my mother's tiny house and backyard). This way whatever happened we would be married and could start our lives together, plus even if November still happens I don't think many people will actually attend, which is also disappointing. However, for this wedding I planned everything in a matter of two weeks. I ordered a tea dress off of Amazon, we made the food ourselves (nachos), I made my own cake the day before, and my own bouquet too. I did my own hair and makeup, my brother-in-law and myself did the photography (yes I was taking pictures of my own wedding). The days leading up had a major disappointment each day, my ring came in a little too small, my mother was having constant pain from her fibromyalgia barely able to walk, my grandfather wouldn't be able to come to walk me down the aisle, because he was sick with an infection, my best friend was told to quarentine due to possibly being in contact with someone else who thought they might have COVID (the evening before the wedding), and to top it all off my fiance and I got into a huge fight the night before the wedding. The day of I felt helpless and sad, instead of what I should be, nervous and excited. The whole ceremony seemed like a bust, my fiance stood on the wrong side, he was nervous I guess and stood there in shock instead of holding my hands, our officiant a good friend of ours said my fiance's last name wrong, and called me by a different first name. I also at some points had to run the music too. During the so-called reception I was working and my fiance felt isolated in a corner, I was sad his family wasn't even telling him congratulations, and I was sad I was having to work and leave him there alone. That is not how it should be even in a backyard wedding. The only plus was our wedding night was amazing thanks to the generous hotel stay paid for by my sister. But the second day, which was also supposed to be nice and was a lot of money for us, was horrible. I know post-wedding blues is normal, but I don't think it is supposed to be like this. I am upset I am not the only bride feeling this way, but glad to know I am not alone.
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