Post Wedding Depression?

This doesn't sound terribly unusual! The wedding was, in it's own way, your friend for a year. The two of you were always working on something! Take a class, join a book club or a kickball league. Make some friends and fill your time with something new.

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Totally this. Find a hobby that keeps you occupied or find a house project that you can dedicate your time too.

Totally normal! Put that time and energy into planning things for the two of you to do together like small dates you both enjoy or if you like to entertain, plan some get togethers with family. Get outside together and do things you enjoy. If you’re planning on having children in the future, this “free” time will be few and far between. Relationships take work to keep the spark and interest, so get busy!

I do a lot of hobbies, but cant seem to be happy really with them too. I got myself a treadmill and bike to try as well. My husband works a lot, 21 days on and 2 days off. So we cannot get any late nights because he has to be at work at 4 am nor really go out, which is fine, or have mornings together. Any suggestions?

Have you taken your honeymoon? Maybe you can channel some energetic into planning that? I know sometimes its hard to have this giant party to plan and then nothing.. planning the honeymoon after can sometimes wean you out of the planning phase and help you settle more comfortably into your married life

You had none of those fears/thoughts before you got married? If not I would ignore them. Like others have said find a new hobby or a club to find entertainment to keep you from being bored.

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Yes we have taken our honeymoon, it was actually a long one - 12 days. We went where he wanted to go, Tennessee. It was very fun, but that's when I started not feeling like myself, toward the last couple days.

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I did, but mainly ignored them because I thought I was just over stressed because I did everything myself for the wedding. When the wedding came, they went away, we went on our honeymoon but came back.

Do you think most of it is because you did what he and his family wanted for everything? Try asking him for a vacation to a place that you want

Have you considered talking with someone about this? I think it’s normal coming down off a big event to feel low, but if the hobbies that once made you happy no longer do, it’s possible there’s more to it than that.

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I honestly never thought of that - it really wasnt a wedding at the end of the day, just a party (I ordered a $40 dress online aswell). I just never would have thought something like that would direct the way I think.

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I have, but I am one of those people I feel embarrassed and not really one to share feelings. This is my first time with something like this. Although, you may be right.

Have you talked with your H about this at all?

I can actually really associate with some of the feelings you are describing. My H and I were together more than 10 years before we got married, so in a lot of ways, the wedding just felt like a big silly party to me. I imagine that for you, having your wedding day (and your honeymoon!) be entirely something for someone else rather than yourself, made the whole experience rather unsatisfying.

Now it sorta seems like you are stuck in this place of "well my wedding wasn't really that exciting, and now married life isn't that exciting either!" but the truth is, marriage for me has been largely the same thing as not being married. Being together for so long before hand, nothing much really changes. Nothing tangible anyway. I will say that for me, something subtle shifted when we got married. There is something so comforting about knowing that no matter what happens in my life, if I screw up or have a bad day, that he will always be there to support me and help me through it. I felt the same way about my H before we got married, but I don't know, something about it being legal now and having that little piece of paper makes it feel that much more solid. It's hard for me to describe my feeling, but maybe if you are able to let go of some of the regrets and expectations about the "shoulda coulda woulda"'s you can start to feel the small things that may have shifted without you noticing, and maybe you will start to feel comforted in your marriage instead of stuck.

I do also think it would be good for you two to go away somewhere you BOTH want to go.

ETA I will also mention that our sex life did not really change when we got married, not even right after the wedding. Our honeymoon wasn't all about sex, which at first was a bit disappointing for both of us, but once we realized that we were having a legitimately awesome time with each other like we always do, we didn't feel the need to put pressure on it, just so we could say we had a "normal" honeymoon experience. Not sure if this is helpful or if this is what you are experiencing, but I thought I'd mention it since you referenced your lack of interest in your post.

It would me if I didn't have my "vision" because I compromised-- whether it was for budget purposes or just him saying this is how it's going to go maybe try to have a vow renewal in 5-10yrs and have it how you want then. I would start with a vacation of a place of your choosing since you even compromised on the honeymoon spot.

It's normal to feel let down after a big event! I felt depressed after my graduation and I anticipate feeling depressed after my wedding. Make this easier on yourself by planning things to look forward to, like date nights with your spouse. If things keep going poorly, definitely think about seeing a couples therapist.

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Thank you for the awesome post. I feel in a lot of ways, you expressed my thoughts (maybe a little better than I did)!! A couple comments, I have not talked about this with my H because I have had depression before years ago when I had a major surgery in my teens, leaving me home bound for a while and out of high school. He always acts strange and thinks I am bored with him, makes it seem like he is the reason and it upsets me more so I have learned to not tell him. He is a great man and I love him deeply, but hard to talk too. With the sex thing, he is very much about that, LOL. The problem is, when we came home from the honeymoon, he would say things like " we only had sex this many times" making me feel guilty in a way? He wants to have sex on a every other day basis, but I am sure you know, as a woman, sometimes it is hard (which I dont think he understand fully and once again, guilty).

You sound exactly like me, literally same story. I actually don't think it's that normal to feel this way and I'm finally looking into counseling now.being sad the wedding over is one thing but this sounds like a bit more than that. My story is very long but to summarize, I feel like I have missed out on other paths that could have taken and am feeling like this isn't right for me. Great guy, we just don't mesh personality wise and I have grown so much while he hasn't really. No excitement for the future, boredom, absolutely no desire for sex with husband and literally no physical attraction to him anymore. I feel stuck. I think planning the wedding really distracted me and I didn't understand my feelings at the time I actually hate being married i should have gone to counseling a long time since I don't want to stay unhappy forever, that's a long time. Good luck, i wish you the best i hope you consider counseling earlier than I did if you are really feeling this way.

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I agree with Suzanne. My husband and I was starting to get the same way until we realized when the last time we had an actual date. Plus when we came back it was all kids and upcoming graduations. However being that our two oldest are graduating high school this year, we are now working together and planning grad events. We are using this time for our date nights as well as we are now planning a weekend get-away per month so that we can stay sane. It does seem that way in the beginning. However look back at old photos prior to your engagement or marriage that show how much fund you were having. It will come back to you. My husband and I are coming up on our 6 month anniversary this Saturday and just two months ago we realized that we were not doing anything for ourselves. I know it doesn't seem long, however when you get that feeling, it seems forever.

It's self-efficacy that's lost after these things. Also, anticipation is like a drug. Our brains respond to certain cues to release dopamine. It's just time to retrain your brain, that's all! Start a new project. Like, jewelry making, quilting. Or learn something new, like investing (use the fake money simulators on investopedia, don't go investing real money!) Try eBay! Get a second job maybe, or volunteer. Congrats on your wedding!

You may just have the post vacation blues. I am almost always a bit depressed after coming back from the fun of a vacation.