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Just Said Yes May 2022

Out of town wedding - rehearsal dinner etiquette??

Kelly, on June 20, 2021 at 8:19 AM Posted in Parties and Events 0 10

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Hi everyone!

We are having a wedding that is out of town for both sides of the family in order to make it driving distance for both sides rather than flying distance for only one.
Anyways - we are at a bit of a standstill on what to do for the rehearsal dinner. I know it’s customary to invite out of towners to the rehearsal dinner, but that would be literally everyone (up to 250 people!!!!).
Our solution is to do a dessert/cocktails thing after the actual rehearsal at the air B&B we are staying at. My fiancé wants to only invite the bridal party and a select few family members, while I think it’s better to invite our first degree relatives as well. My mother wants us to invite every single person 😅
Help! What would you guys suggest??

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Latest activity by Judith, on June 20, 2021 at 10:29 PM

Super September 2022
Sarah · on June 20, 2021 at 9:00 AM
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If you guys are paying then you 2 come to an agreement and keep it smaller. If your mom is paying then I would say do what she wants.
I was also just thinking about who to invite, although mine is local to most so we can keep it smaller.
Personally, I would probably do bridal party and immediate family (parents, grandparents, siblings). I don’t see a point in inviting everyone because then that’s basically the wedding. But I know “etiquette” sometimes says different.
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Master July 2021
Rebelle Fleur · on June 20, 2021 at 9:00 AM
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We are skipping a rehearsal dinner all together.

I like the desserts and cocktails after the rehearsal idea. If you invite everyone that’ll be basically two receptions. If you invite some family and not the others , some will feel left out and you may run into problems with your mother adding people on. I would keep it and just the bridal party.
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VIP August 2020
Katie · on June 20, 2021 at 9:59 AM
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Hi Kelly! Our families do something a bit different that may apply to your situation. Out of towners are not invited to the rehearsal dinner but we typically do a very casual day after wedding get together before everyone flies or drives home. For our wedding, we had only people with a part to play during the ceremony (ex: readers, bridal party, their significant others, grandparents) attend rehearsal dinner.

As an out of town guest myself, I personally like to get settled in the hotel and unwind before the wedding and wouldn’t be offended at all by not being invited to the rehearsal dinner.
Hope this helps ❤️
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Dedicated April 2022
Addie · on June 20, 2021 at 10:16 AM
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My wedding is out of town. We are doing an early morning rehearsal and then a rehearsal brunch for only the bridal party and grandparents. Then that night we are doing a welcome party for all guests who have already arrived and it will be relaxed beer and wine and some finger food
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Devoted May 2022
Amanda · on June 20, 2021 at 10:17 AM
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The rehearsal dinner is usually just close family and the wedding party. Definitely no need to invite all out of towners. I’ve seen people hold a “brunch” aka bagels and coffee and oj the next morning as a thank you, which seems much more reasonable.
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Devoted July 2021
Emily · on June 20, 2021 at 11:18 AM
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Bridal party and immediate family only
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Devoted September 2021
Thinn · on June 20, 2021 at 12:26 PM
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We have a destination wedding so most people will be from out of town as well. But for the rehearsal dinner we are only inviting select family members (aunts & uncles) + the bridal party. Otherwise like you said it would be almost everyone attending the wedding.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on June 20, 2021 at 1:38 PM
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Inviting traveling guests who are not involved in the ceremony is a new trend. The only etiquette is that those involved in the rehearsal must also be fed on your dime along with significant others. There is no rule anywhere saying that out of the area guests need to be invited. Typically they wait until the wedding to show up for events.
Some people have a welcome dinner or appetizers after the rehearsal dinner or skip the rehearsal dinner altogether. Many rehearsal dinners are very inexpensive so you can serve pizza and beers and guests will be stuffed and happy. It doesn’t cost that much more to feed the same to everyone else. The tricky part is finding a venue big enough. A local venue owned by the parks department may come in handy.
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Super May 2023
Pat · on June 20, 2021 at 3:30 PM
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This is what we are doing - pizza! A lot of people will be making the trip to our wedding and spending money for a hotel. I think the least we can do is provide a simple welcome meal, especially since they don't know the area. Our favorite restaurant will reserve the patio for our group. Big tossed salad, charcuterie boards, and pizza! The guest will purchase any drinks. 35-ish people for about $600. Well worth it in my mind.
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Judith · on June 20, 2021 at 10:29 PM
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Etiquette says nothing about rehearsal dinners except that they are optional, and though informal ones may be given for just those participating in the rehearsal, if you have a more formal dinner you need to invite spouses and SO of participants. ....... Although some people choose to invite other relatives or a limited number of out-of-towners, it is not something one should or is obliged to do as proper etiquette, at all.
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Out of town wedding - rehearsal dinner etiquette??

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