Out-of-state Bridesmaids

Wow! That's an interesting situation. Personally, I wouldnt ask someone to take a week off from work just to meet other bridal party members. I don't understand why it actually matters so much. However, you know the situation best. I suggest doing a Zoom call to make intros first and then maybe on subsequent calls you can broach the subject to determine what the best course if action to take. Congratulations and best always.

I wouldn’t worry about this. And I definitely wouldn’t require them to make a trip for the purpose of meeting each other. Will you be having a rehearsal and rehearsal dinner? If so, they will meet then. If not, you could ask them if they were interested in doing an activity (such as a welcome dinner or a girls night in) the night or 2 before the wedding. But I definitely wouldn’t expect them to take off work, travel, and secure lodging for an entire week in order to attend a short, optional event like a shower

My BMs were in Illinois, North Carolina, and Florida and none of them had ever met (I was in Alabama). I asked each of them to be BMs and then texted them as a group to "introduce" them. Then, after I looked at BM dresses, I sent them options and said choose one that you'll all wear or each of you choose your favorite (so they were either all the same or all different and not two and one) and they responded back with their favorites.

In the meanwhile they had apparently been contacting each other without my knowledge to arrange for a bachelorette outing. They didn't actually meet in person until the day before the wedding and it worked out fine.

I agree with PPs - it's a LOT to ask them to come and stay a week before your wedding. If I were one of your BMs, I would likely decline to attend the shower if it were the week before the wedding and I was being asked to stay for the week. (You're going to be busy, so it's not like you'd be hanging out.)

Honestly I'm not sure why they need to meet in advance. But I think it's way too much to ask them/expect them to take a week off to travel to for your shower and wedding especially if they have families that they would have to be separated from. They can honestly meet that the rehearsal.

I think it's way too much to ask of them to travel a week in advance just for a shower and so they can meet each other. BTW all of my bridesmaids were in different states and some of them didn't meet each other until the rehearsal. There were no issues.

Thank you all for the responses. I would like to mention that one of the bridesmaids is autistic and does not do well with surprises, but it is very important to me that she is in my wedding, so that's why I wanted to have them meet. I do like the idea of a group and I will try it. Again, thank you ladies.

View Quoted Comment What about the morning of the rehearsal? We had a girl's day the morning of mine where we went and got our nails done then went to lunch. It was a nice way to relax before all the wedding festivities began. Another option would be if they want to throw a bachelorette would be to see if could be two days before the wedding. You could do something fun that night. That's what my husband did for his bachelor party. Our wedding was on a Saturday so his groomsmen/groomswoman went out that Thursday. The wedding was in Pennsylvania, we lived in Maryland, his guys/woman lived in Jersey, Ohio, and California.

Hi! I had this same scenario myself. Zoom and GroupMe will be your Bestfriend. I actually hosted a few zoom parties with my group, and used icebreakers so the girls could learn more about each other. Once the bridal shower and bachelorette trip happened, everyone knew each other and there’s wasn’t any awkwardness.

I had a similar situation since I mixed good friends from hs and college and everyone lived in a different state, none of them even live in the same state as me! What we did was host a wedding weekend last Spring that was optional, but it was essentially just a fun weekend for people to converge where I live, meet each other, see the city, and meet the groomsmen too. Luckily the only bridesmaid of mine that couldnt make it was one who already knew all the girls so it was very easy. It ended up working out well because one of the others couldnt make it to the bachelorette/shower weekend because she had just graduated from law school! She was still able to meet everyone ahead of time and they all get along and are friends now.

They don’t need to meet before the wedding day. Not everyone has extra PTO or finances to allow for a trip a week early.


All of my bridesmaids are out of state and while they have met via everyday group chat, they won’t meet before the wedding day due to finances.