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Analie
Dedicated September 2020

Not Wanted Bridal Shower

Analie, on March 4, 2020 at 9:20 AM Posted in Parties and Events 0 17
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Many people have told me to have a bridal shower but I do not want one because I don't want people to feel like they have to buy me gifts. I also hate being the center of attention. My FMIL told me that she is going to throw me one anyway because I will be her only dil ever and she and her close friends (whom I have not met) want to "shower" me with gifts and love. She lives two states away which will be very inconvenient for my friends and family but I don't want to turn her down. I only have about 5 close friends and three of them said they are willing to come. What do I do?


How many of you brides did not want or have a bridal shower? Why?

17 Comments

Latest activity by Laura, on March 5, 2020 at 8:27 PM
  • Alyssa
    Expert December 2021
    Alyssa ·
    • Flag

    You're the bride, don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable to make other people happy. Stand up and say that this won't be something you'll be doing. It's not your mother in law's wedding, she had her day already. If people want to send gifts, you'll be happy to accept them off the registry and send thank you notes.

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  • Analie
    Dedicated September 2020
    Analie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Thanks Alyssa

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  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    If she really wants to throw you something it’s nice of her but you could ask for it to be more low key and just like a luncheon or some drinks with your friends and family rather than an actual shower
    • Reply
  • Allie
    Rockstar November 2021
    Allie ·
    • Flag
    I am the same way. I hate bridal showers, I find them incredibly boring and annoying, so I don’t want to subject my guests to that. What we are doing instead is a Jack and Jill where both my side and my FH’s side are all invited, both men and women, and we’ll do either a potluck dinner or have it catered, people pay $25 a ticket and that is their gift. Plus some raffles and games. The attention isn’t all on just me that way, people are more likely to have fun, and we won’t get gifts we don’t need but people can still “shower” us by paying for their ticket to get in, which is a low amount. Would you consider talking to her about doing something like that instead of a bridal shower? Maybe explain that you’re just not comfortable being the center or attention like that and you don’t necessarily want (or need) gifts from people.
    • Reply
  • Mandi
    Master October 2020
    Mandi ·
    • Flag
    I didn't want one. Then I wanted ONLY one... now I'm having 2. I just dont want all that attention.
    His side, he went.
    My side, I'm going with bridesmaids.
    • Reply
  • Jai Butcher
    Rockstar May 2020
    Jai Butcher ·
    • Flag
    I didnt have one and dont want one.
    • Reply
  • Analie
    Dedicated September 2020
    Analie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    She told me that one of her friends suggested a jack and jill which sounds alright but I don't really know if he wants to go to something like this just because I have being the center of attention.

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  • A
    Super August 2020
    Alex ·
    • Flag

    I wasn't really interested in having one, but it was important to my grandmother, so we are having one. I think this is a good way to continue to build your relationship with your FMIL.

    I would remind your FMIL that you are not a fan of being the center of attention, so you would prefer if it was more causal. Possibly suggest a co-ed shower so you FH can take some of the eyes off you.

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  • M
    Super January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    I didn't have one because I don't enjoy showers for other people and I just couldn't see the appeal for myself. And I definitely have no regrets. Celebrating with everyone AT the wedding was a sufficient amount of celebration for me.

    Please know that it is absolutely OK to politely refuse offers of showers from people. There is nothing wrong with not wanting one and this is a good way to practice setting and living your boundaries with other people (especially your future in-laws).

    • Reply
  • Analie
    Dedicated September 2020
    Analie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Yeah you're right. I wish I would've stuck to my word.

    • Reply
  • Allie
    Expert April 2019
    Allie ·
    • Flag
    I didn’t have a bridal shower. The games and opening gifts in front of people make me cringe. I am SO uncomfortable in that position. I hated attending bridal showers for others and opted to not have one myself. I assured every person who offered to throw one for me that i was perfectly okay without having one!
    • Reply
  • A
    Dedicated September 2020
    Alys ·
    • Flag
    Be firm, thank her for kindly offering to host one but that you simply don’t want a shower.


    I told my bridesmaid on the first day that I don’t want a shower and not to throw one. I don’t understand the point of having one and every shower I’ve ever been to has bored me. I just automatically decline shower invites now.
    • Reply
  • Kelsi
    Expert June 2020
    Kelsi ·
    • Flag
    I didn’t want one because I’m pretty embarrassed I don’t have a very active family/bridal party. But I didn’t want to upset my FMIL, especially since she’s been so kind and my FH didn’t want his parents to help pay for the wedding so we agreed we’d let her have this moment.
    • Reply
  • Anna
    Super April 2020
    Anna ·
    • Flag

    I honestly didn't want one. My fmil wanted to throw me one. She seemes so happy so i said yes. I was so nervous to do it cause I hate being the center of attention. Well i am so glad i did it. It was very intimate, only 13 women. My fh and i don't live together but we ended up getting so many things for our new apartment. I honestly had to put more stuff in out registry. But i was just happy i did it. I feel so blessed to have those women in my life. Some drove hours just to be with me that day, I get emotional thinking about it. A lot was his family and i am just so blessed to be marrying into a wonderful family. But just think about it.

    • Reply
  • J
    Expert May 2021
    Jaime ·
    • Flag

    I didn't want one either. I really hate these types of parties, I hate being the center of attention, and I hate the idea of people buying gifts. My MOH figured out a way to get me to agree to one - it will be a Recipe shower, co-ed, and no gifts (if someone wants to spend money they can donate to charity). I think it will be more like a casual get together that I would normally attend if I wasn't getting married.

    • Reply
  • Katie
    Expert January 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag

    I didn't think I would have one, but my mom said the same about her friends "wanting to shower my with gifts". I figure, if they want to get me things and I can bring a couple girlfriends (similar situation to yours, different state), why not?! It sounds like they want to welcome you and spoil you - I'd let them Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Laura
    Beginner October 2020
    Laura ·
    • Flag

    I do not want a shower either. They have never been my cup of tea and i think they are absolutely boring. I'm waiting for the day my FMIL brings it up, I know she will be disappointed but oh well. I feel like people make others getting married more about them then the actual couple getting married. If you don't want her to do it you just have to be honest with her about it. Its not fair to you to have to be put in an unconformable situation.

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