Not having a bridal shower...

I think it's totally fine not having a bridal shower. We didn't have an engagement party. My mom wanted to throw me a shower, so she is, which I'm excited for! I am way more excited to see friends/family and have them meet each other before the wedding than I am for presents.

I think it's really personal preference. Not everyone already lives together or has everything they need so I think it is really good for people who are moving in together after the wedding and will need basically everything to start their life together. I personally do already live with my FH so we already had everything we needed too but my MOH and my mom wanted to throw me a shower so I just upgraded some things we currently have that are old from college. My registry was really small. It was really about seeing all of my friends and family and celebrating together before the big day. If you don't have one, that's totally fine too!

I'm in the same boat!!! My friends and family want to host a bridal shower, but in some ways with all the preparation it kinda feels almost like a huge party already and I also already feel awkward with all the attention on me haha. I feel bad if I make them feel like I'm disinterested, so I'm just going to roll along with it

I didn't want to have a shower. I don't like getting gifts. I agree with you that a wedding is expensive for everyone. My mom really wanted to throw one and I didn't want to take that away from her. I am so glad I let her host a shower. We only had around 25 people, so it wasn't huge. I was so overwhelmed. I cried multiple times. It really made me happy and excited for the wedding. We do live together but have no children. We are very simple people and didn't need anything. We just asked for sheets, towels, dish cloths, etc. I even asked for shower curtain liners lol. I didn't want anything that required me to find a spot for it in my house.

I won’t be having a shower either, because my wedding is so small and many guests are out of state. I’m a little sad about it; I think it would have been nice to see everyone in a more relaxed setting before the wedding.

Were not doing a shower. We are having a bachorlette party.

We didn't have an engagement party (I feel the same way about engagement parties as you do about showers, I feel its unnecessary). I totally understand where you are coming from. It is one thing if you already live together and you really don't have any items you need/want. Me and my husband did not live together prior to our wedding and therefore we found the shower and registry to be helpful for us. Do you feel comfortable politely declining the shower? And tell your family the reason why you don't want one? They should respect your wishes on that! Good luck!

I find the idea of a party at which the main entertainment is oohing and aahing over the fourth toaster I've been given both boring and nerve-wracking. And the idea that I would need to do that while the man just sits home and gets all the presents without putting in the effort would be irritating. When someone suggested hosting a shower, I declined.

I was the same exact way! We already live together, but I am registering for things we want to upgrade on.

What changed my mind was that we are having a destination wedding so not everyone will be able to make it and my cousin said that at her wedding, she enjoyed the rehearsal dinner more than the wedding in terms of hanging out and socializing since the wedding is a blur and everything happens so face. So then I was like maybe the shower is a good idea because those who cannot attend the wedding can come to the shower if they want to and I get to hang out with everyone too!

I didn't think I wanted to have a shower to begin with because I am not a huge fan of being the center of attention (the wedding is different because at least I'll have FH to share the spotlight lol) and I feel like it is so weird to just open presents in front of everyone. My mom really wanted to throw me one though... when she got married, her shower didn't go very well (2 of her friends were super dramatic and couldn't agree about anything, and it became a whole Thing) so I think it meant a lot to her to give me the opposite experience lol.

My experience was, yes it is super awkward to open gifts in front of everybody hahaha, but I did have a really lovely day! We only had 17 people there... definitely not every woman who was invited to the wedding (my mom just invited about a dozen of my friends, plus my 2 aunts, and 2 of her best friends who I've known my whole life). It was very simple, just hosted at my mom's house. Served sandwiches, fruit, and mimosas. Played a few games that my bridesmaid came up with. Opened gifts. Had cake. Took some photos. All in all it was about 3 hours long. Being in the spotlight was overwhelming, but I actually feel like it prepared me better for that on the wedding day. I was able to get the feel of being "the bride" at an event that wasn't actually my wedding (if that makes any sense?) I also felt super loved and happy the whole time!

I totally understand your not wanting to have one, because I was the same way, but if your friends and family want to do it, I'd at least consider it! Even just a small one

My family is hosting a shower for me. I’m a little nervous about being the center of attention and asking for gifts, but mom/aunt/grandma are so excited about me getting married and can’t wait to host the shower. I’m trying to look at it a little differently.. when else will I get to have a brunch with all the women that mean the most to me all at the same time?? I’m excited about celebrating with my closest friends and family members! Perhaps you could consider a bridal tea so you can spend time with those special people but gifts are not given. Or perhaps consider having a shower and people can donate to a charity instead? At the end of the day you should do what works for you and your family!

I have a few different small groups of friends so a shower may have seemed awkward (plus, with such busy lives I’m not sure who would want to attend a shower these days!). Two friends took me & my mom to a brunch and it was lovely. Just perfect.

Totally ok not to have one. Perhaps you can treat your mom & FMIL to a small brunch, or mimosa & manicure afternoon.

I agree they feel outdated, I live with my fiance already as well. But he wants a shower and to update all our kitchen gadgets so I might let my mother do a small one, maybe like how they call a small baby shower a "sprinkle" with tea. You could not do one, or just have people close to you who want one go out to lunch instead.

Thanks guys! It’s nice to see different walks of life, and obviously those that don’t live together yet-totally helpful!! Happy planning everyone!

I have had my house for 4 years and FH and I have lived together for 3. I have what I need and I was 100% against having a shower because it I felt like people would think I was being "gift grabby". My mom was REALLY upset... like crying in the parking lot (trying to hide it behind sun glasses) after picking up my dress upset. I realized I needed to give myself some grace, I don't look at showers like that when anyone else has one so why do I see it that way when its for me? I also realized that, although my family used to get together a lot, we don't any more and this is a chance and an excuse to get together like we used to. It also gives me a chance to socialize with some family more personally than I probably will at the wedding.

You can always add "no gifts" to the invite. We had some friends (who are getting married a month before us) do that so everyone knew it was truly just to get together and celebrate.

I've never felt strongly 1 way or the other about showers. I've usually had fun attending them in that you get to spend time with your friends and/or family and celebrate an exciting time in someone's life. I didn't really even think about it for me. My MOH just started planning one. I didn't actually know about it until way later when I accidentally found out the date (my mother isn't always the best at keeping secrets). Now that I know about it, I'm a bit excited. I don't get together with people as much as I'd like because I'm always so busy, especially this past year in starting a 5 year intensive grad program. I'm looking at is as being able to see my close friends (2 of my bridesmaids are out of town and I'm pretty sure they are coming, so any extra time I get to spend with them is always cherished). I don't really care about the gifts. I made a registry for practicality: people asked me about it. We have been living together for 4 years now, so I put a things on there that are upgrades (my poor nonstick frying pan isn't very nonstick anymore). Do I care if people buy them or buy me anything? Nope! But the list is there in case people want to buy a gift and don't know what to get.

It’s fine to not have a shower especially if you already have most of what you need! I’m most likely not having a shower, I don’t feel it’s necessary. I am however having an engagement party. I live 9 hours away from all of my family and friends and haven’t seen them in 6 months. My mom and best friend wanted to throw us one when we visit in about a week since this will be the first time my fiancé and I will even be seeing them since our engagement!

I'm not having one either. It's not a part of our culture and we didn't register for many gifts. My biggest reason was my friends are so scattered, I couldn't think of any one city to have it and I didn't want to ask people to travel to yet another party.

I don't enjoy attending showers and I definitely didn't want one for my wedding. It's absolutely fine not to want one, not to have one, and to politely decline any offers to throw you one. I just told people I was looking forward to celebrating with them at the wedding, which was the most important part to me.