Not Good Enough

I'm sorry this happened to you. Maybe you can try to "spice up" your sex life a little? Not to sound harsh, but maybe he is bored with it. I would try something "different" to see if it interests him.

I'm sorry you feel this way, but maybe he was using it to "spice" things up? I wouldn't take it harshly, have you two spoken about your sex life to see if there is anything lacking or could try something new? If he's unwilling to talk about it directly, I would consider some counseling. Or you could try a little reverse psychology and do the same thing to him and see how he reacts to it.

I’m sorry this happened. I agree with PP. The two of you could try things to spice up your sex life. Watch porn together? You could try wearing an outfit or using toys. It’s normal to need something different every now and then. You are beautiful. You are enough!

You are more than enough! Have open conversations with him and maybe try some new things.

You should have an open and honest conversation about it instead of "calling him out" or making him feel attacked. If he thought he was doing something wrong, he would try to hide it better. Tell him how it makes you feel. Talk to a couples therapist, or more specifically a sex therapist.

I’m sorry this happened. However he cannot make you feel any way...own up to your feelings. You have a right to feel the way that you do, but that is how you feel about it. If his actions upset you, talk about it. Have an open caring conversation. As other PP said, calling him out is not the way to approach the situation. If you are hurt, then tell him that much without argument or defensiveness. Good luck with everything! I hope it works out for the best for both of you.

You need to sit down and tell him how you feel. I also think you two really need to see a marriage counselor and individual counselors if you aren’t already. Some of the things you’ve shared about your husband’s behavior while you are trying to have a baby is concerning and trust me when I tell you that adding a baby to an already existing list of issues isn’t going to make anything better.

View Quoted Comment He claims he doesn't remember being on his phone while we were intimate this morning. I asked if he is bored with our sex life and he said no.

View Quoted Comment We have talked and he says he isn't bored or anything. He said he was so tired this morning that he doesn't even remember being on the phone.

View Quoted Comment I'm not comfortable watching it together, but I've recommended toys and things in the past. We tried it once but it didn't do much for even of us.

View Quoted Comment Thanks! We talked and he said I'm beautiful and he's very happy with our sex life. He says he doesn't remember being on his phone as he was super tired.

View Quoted Comment We talked. He says he's very happy with our sex life and that he does not remember being on his phone as he was very tired.

View Quoted Comment We talked. He claims he doesn't remember being on his phone because he was tired. We have been talking about our issues.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! We talked and he claims he doesn't remember being on the phone because he was tired.

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Unless it becomes a habit, I wouldn't worry about it.

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Oh well you may not have anything to worry about. Hopefully you won't catch him again!

I would look into seeing a sex therapist, there is nothing wrong with doing that & getting on the same page with your spouse! If you caught him looking at porn and he denied it, I'm sure he feels uncomfortable bringing it up. There are also a ton of books on Amazon about intimacy and sex with your husband you guys could read to have the best marriage possible.

I would suggest to tell him how you feel by him watching porn. I know ppl who watches porn in their marriage and it has nothing to do with lack of intimacy nor anything to do with spicing up thw sex life. Some ppl actually enjoys it. So if it is bothering you tell him that

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It doesn't bother me if he wants to watch it on his own, but while we are being intimate, I have an issue with that. We talked and he claims he is very happy with our sex life and that he doesn't even remember being on the phone with morning. He said he was so tired and he said he doesn't even know what he was looking at his phone. I'm guessing it was porn, but I didn't see the screen. But I do know he's watched porn to get in the mood before which also bothers me.

Ah girl! I’m sorry!!


I don’t think he should be watching porn to begin with, especially since you’re married. I would feel the same way you do if I was you. You’re feelings are justified but girl, you are not ugly. You are beautiful! Sit down with him and use sentences that say “I feel... because...” and “When you watch porn it hurts me because....” they bring the attention towards you so he doesn’t feel attacked (#1 for argument starters) and he can’t dispute your feelings. I do recommend seeing a marriage therapist bc this is a deeper issue than just him watching porn. This is a morality and bedroom issue within your marriage that if not taken care of in a healthy way, could have long lasting effects. To put it in perspective, for you personally, think of all the morality ‘walls’ you’d have to tear town just to feel comfortable watching porn. There’s a lot of morality ‘walls’ he’s torn down. I HIGHLY recommend listening to The Naked Marriage Podcast. It’s a couple and the husband had porn issues and they overcame it together and now have a wonderful marriage!