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Just Said Yes May 2019

No show guests really hurt my feelings

Susan, on May 20, 2019 at 6:18 PM Posted in Married Life 0 60
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I just got married Saturday and I know I should let it go because I had a wonderful wedding, but I am so upset, hurt and angry about all the people that were no shows. I had a total of 90 people rsvp and starting last Thursday it felt like they just started dropping like flies. A couple texted that her dad had a stroke and a guy I work with called and said his uncle passed away and the funeral was Saturday. Those I understand and they were nice enough to let me know. The rest I feel like are inexcusable. Two guys I work with and their wives didn’t show or call because they voluntarily took did some weekend work even though it was not their scheduled weekend to work. Another guy didn’t show. A dear friend and her husband didn’t show. A couple who ASKED us if they could cone to the wedding didn’t show. Another couple that texted my husband that morning to ask if he was nervous and said they’d be there didn’t show. All of these people had told us the previous week they were definitely coming and not a single one bothered to text or call either before or after. I’m pretty mad that I spent $90 a person - over $1000 on people that didn’t show up! But more importantly, we could have invited other people we had to leave off the guest list that would have come.
I waited until Sunday night to see if any of them contacted me but no one did. Then I saw several of them post things on facebook from the weekend so I know there weren’t in some kind of serious accident. So, I texted them and basically said, I was very hurt they didn’t show and if they didn’t want to come they should have told me, and it cost us a lot of money for them to not let us know. I got 2 responses. One said he was in the ER but I don’t believe him because he could have texted when he posted his lunch picture on Facebook Sunday and my “dear” friend who apparently was moving Saturday said she was so sorry to miss the wedding and she had already planned to attend alone (so plenty of time to tell me her husband wasn’t coming) but the movers were late so she couldn’t go and she didn’t want to bother me on my wedding day to tell me. Ok. Why couldn’t she be bothered to tell me Sunday???
It just hurts that people were so rude, and clearly don’t care about me nearly as much as I cared about them. I feel like a total loser that out of 90 people, 12 didn’t care enough to be bothered with showing up.
How wouid you feel if that many people didn’t show for your wedding? What wouid you say or do?


Latest activity by megan, on January 8, 2021 at 9:19 AM
  • Katie
    Devoted September 2020
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    Ugh this is a major fear of mine. I'm still trying to decide whether I want to get married locally or in Tahoe, and part of the local lure is we could invite (and expect) way more people. But then I think - what if most of them don't show? Then I just threw a whole wedding for the sole purpose of having them, and it was a waste.

    If we do tahoe, it'll only be family and close friends with a few plus ones for single guests. And a lot of people likely wouldn't be able to afford child care, time off work, travel and lodging - so the guest list would be short and sweet.
    • Reply
  • Fmv
    Super October 2020
    Fmv ·
    • Flag
    Wow i am so sorry. I would feel extremely upset as well
    • Reply
  • Paula
    Super September 2019
    Paula ·
    • Flag

    This makes me nervous as well since we are only inviting 70 people and had to leave certain people off our list to accommodate our budget. I can totally understand your frustration and you being upset! You just can't justify rudeness especially from the people you felt close enough to, to invite. I hope you had a beautiful wedding and were able to celebrate the day with the people who were there for you and your husband and can look back on the day with only those good memories!

    • Reply
  • K
    Dedicated October 2020
    Kerra ·
    • Flag
    I’m really sorry . I would feel the same way .. Moving forward you had a wonderful wedding . You married the one you love . People are insensitive , rude and selfish . The 90 a person I understand . All of it I completely understand . I worry about this happening to me also . A wedding is a big deal , and this day was one of the most important days of your life . Even though it hurts . This is their loss. Chances are your realtionship will never be the way it was the day before the wedding . You were willing to spend 90 on each of them to be at your special day . If they can’t appreciate that or respect you enough to give you heads up that they are not going to make it , I’m sorry but they don’t deserve to be on your guest list . Try not to think about them and when you start feeling the pain and disappointment , immediately make yourself think of the wonderful things at the wedding. The things that made you smile through out the night. This was your and your spouses day . Don’t give them anymore power over your wonderful day .

    • Reply
  • Katie M.
    Devoted June 2019
    Katie M. ·
    • Flag
    I’m getting married next Saturday and I’m nervous for that as well. My plates are $156 each and I have so many people I wanted to invite and was unable to. I only had a few that I have to reach out to after the rsvp date.
    • Reply
  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    I'd be pretty pissed too. But there really isn't anything to say after the fact unfortunately. That being said you did have a wonderful wedding and married to love of your life, concentrate on that aspect instead
    • Reply
  • Chandra
    Master May 2019
    Chandra ·
    • Flag
    We had 4 not show up. I'm a little irritated about 2 of them but eh.
    One of Hubby's family members, she's like 92, we had her down as a no until her son said he would be bringing her so we added her....guess who didnt come.
    The other that got me was my aunt who RSVPed for 2 but wasnt sure who the other was yet (hubby or one of her kids). She was the only one who came. I even went through the trouble of ordering extra place cards to cover whichever person would be coming.
    But what's done is done and theres no reason to call anybody out over it or let it ruin memories. Not like you can send them a bill for their meals haha
    • Reply
  • Darcy
    Dedicated May 2019
    Darcy ·
    • Flag

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I had 1 no show and I was mortified, a number like yours is crazy. Just try to let it go and try to remember that you had the best time at your wedding!
    • Reply
  • Soon2BSmith
    Expert October 2020
    Soon2BSmith ·
    • Flag
    My close friend and I just had this conversation last night. She wasted over $6000 because 50! if her guest didn’t show!
    I was hurt and upset for her, even though she never showed she was hurt until we talked about it last night.
    Its inexcusable and selfish of those who just decided they rather do something else.
    I hope you find peace with this. I keep telling myself that if 100 ppl rsvp, then I’ll only expect 80 ppl to show. But it’s just so hard to tell what’s going to happen.
    • Reply
  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
    • Flag
    That unfortunate! But thankfully you had a wonderful wedding.
    • Reply
  • Anna
    Expert June 2019
    Anna ·
    • Flag
    I would be absolutely heartbroken and it would take me a very long time to get past it with those people. It's definitely something I've thought about and I don't want to be super upset, but I know I will.
    • Reply
  • D
    Super July 2020
    D ·
    • Flag
    I'm sorry. No shows rarely think about the cost people incur. You had a wonderful day and I hope those people don't let that diminish the fact.
    • Reply
  • Donicia
    Dedicated May 2019
    Donicia ·
    • Flag
    I totally understand how you feel!!!! I had 84 people drop down to 74 people and more dropped out the day of. If I would have had a heads up I would have invited people who would have shown up instead of wasting money. I don't understand why people don't stick with their commitment.
    • Reply
  • Ginger
    Dedicated June 2019
    Ginger ·
    • Flag

    We had 4 people drop out in the last 24 hours. Thankfully we haven't given in our final numbers, but this is a fear of mine. We are at 82 now with the 4 dropping out with 1 more RSVP left to get. I just want this part to be over, get the seating chart done, sent over to the woman doing the table place settings and be done and enjoy our wedding.

    I am sorry that happened. People can be rude and inconsiderate.

    • Reply
  • Renée
    Devoted March 2019
    Renée ·
    • Flag
    I’m so sorry that happened to you! I had 5 of 38 not attend. Family of 3 got sick and let me know (and absolutely would have been there as one was our best man!) , 2 didn’t come to the reception from the ceremony. She told me later that she was sick that day and didn’t want to come to the party.

    I don’t blame you at all for feeling hurt. I think people didn’t follow up on your wedding day or the day after because they didn’t want to disturb you about it. I wouldn’t have contacted the bride even the day after her wedding.

    I hope you had a gorgeous day with everyone who came to your wedding! Congratulations!
    • Reply
  • Tara
    Master May 2020
    Tara ·
    • Flag
    I would feel the same way as you, hurt, disrespected and upset for wasting money. I’ve learned from you and several ladies, plus I’m a cheapskate, so I decided to opt for a courthouse wedding.
    • Reply
  • Connie
    Savvy July 2019
    Connie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Very well said!
    • Reply
  • Mrs. Ariza
    Devoted October 2020
    Mrs. Ariza ·
    • Flag
    That’s terrible and so inconsiderate from their part. On another note! The most IMPORTANT people were there with you and your now husband. That is what matters! Yes it sucks $1000 loss but I see it as now you know where they stand when it comes to commitment. Take it with a grain of salt and enjoy your marriage.
    • Reply
  • Gloria
    Super March 2019
    Gloria ·
    • Flag
    I’m sorry this happened to you. But I know what u mean , when I got married I had 100 people RSVP and the day of our wedding 15 people didnt show up and just like u I was feeling some type of way bc the people that didn’t show up were the same people that kept asking me if it was ok to bring there kids when our wedding had no kids but 3 that were part of our wedding party..I had some calling me the night before the wedding telling me that they couldn’t wait for Saturday morning... till now I have not spoken to any of them,and I to paid $1500 for people that didn’t show up or called.. so I know how your feeling....
    • Reply
  • Bridget
    VIP August 2019
    Bridget ·
    • Flag
    As awful as it is I feel like that’s a pretty normal number. It sucks for sure that people are that inconsiderate but there’s really nothing you can do about it now. I would just move on and accept it for what it is.
    • Reply

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