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Just Said Yes September 2017

Newlyweds : In-laws Living With Us

Lauren, on December 27, 2017 at 10:33 PM Posted in Married Life 0 15

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I've had no say in any part of our living situation as Newlyweds, and my partner doesn't have a whole lot of say with his parents either. A year before we got married, my husband's parents sold their house, and built a new house in Arizona. Before leaving their original house they bought a condo with my now husband, so that they had a place while they were building their new house.

My FIL was semi-retired as CEO of his small business, and after the Arizona house was built, they lived there 3 weeks out of the month. They stayed with my fiancee one week a month. That was supposed to continue after I moved in. . .

The situation changed as we approached the wedding. My FIL decided to completely retire and dissolve the business. They've been living with us full time since we got married.

My husband's parents have never treated him like an adult. He's 27, and lived on his own for most of his adult life, and they still treat him like a child. They're extremely disrespectful and belittling. When I came into the picture they treated me the same way. Living with them is like going over to your 12 yr. old crush's house. His mother thinks every domestic thing I do is cute, and takes pictures of us we make dinner together ( to send to the family).

We have at least two months left of this situation, and I'm going to lose my mind. Advice is appreciated!

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15 Comments

Latest activity by Litia, on December 30, 2017 at 10:29 PM

VIP May 2017
The Bride · on December 27, 2017 at 10:36 PM
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Why two months left? Can you and your husband ask to be bought out of the condo or offer to buy them out?
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Champion June 2018
muriel · on December 27, 2017 at 10:48 PM
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You don't just have an in-law problem. You have a husband problem. He needs to start prioritizing his life with you and standing up to his parents.
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VIP October 2018
Sara P. · on December 27, 2017 at 11:08 PM
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Didn't you say that they house they were building in Arizona is done? Then why aren't they living there? I would be having a serious talk with my husband and telling him he needs to stand up to his parents. If he continues to allow them to treat him like a child, they will do just that.
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Master October 2017
O · on December 27, 2017 at 11:29 PM
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This is the thing: you do have a say about your living situation. Either you and your husband leave the condo, or they do. Those are your options.
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Rockstar November 2054
Jacks · on December 28, 2017 at 1:44 AM
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Your husband should really be calling an end to this.
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VIP October 2017
MDEasternShoreBride · on December 28, 2017 at 3:37 AM
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Move out and get his money back.
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Expert October 2015
Rachel Langerhans · on December 28, 2017 at 10:48 AM
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Oy. Firstly, your husband needs to work on his communication with his parents so he'll be treated like an adult and be respected. Then he can work on the housing situation with them...
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Super August 2018
AugustBride · on December 28, 2017 at 11:48 AM
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Oh no! I wouldn't be able to deal with that. I would rather rent out an apartment and ask for my share of the condo and they can do whatever they would like with their share.
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Master August 2013
kahlcara · on December 29, 2017 at 10:03 PM
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You are not trapped in this situation. Your husband needs to stand up to them on this. If he can't/won't, then someone needs to buy someone else out so you guys can have your own space. If they won't or can't agree to that, then go talk to an attorney about a petition to partition. Obviously, I hope it won't get to that point, but you have options here.
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Savvy May 2021
Peachykeen45 · on December 30, 2017 at 1:12 AM
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They already have a house built and were already living in it for 3 weeks a time? Sounds like they just can't let themselves go out of your new hubby's life and he's not quite ready to let go either! You're going to need to have a heart-to-heart with him and tell him how you feel and why. There is a reason in the Bible why it says 'Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.' Gen. 2:24. Even if you don't follow the Bible, it still makes sense. You are both your own family unit now, separate from them.

Have you looked at moving out? You both then need to come together to confront them. Not gonna lie, they might take it horribly, but everyone will be better for it. I know it's going to be SUPER painful for me to see my youngest finally grow up and leave. I'll probably be sad for quite a while, but I know better than to let that feeling to baby him fester into clinging to him for the rest of his life. My own husband and I had to move out while my mom was at work one day since we confronted her with our intentions on moving out (she paid for everything herself so she was not dependent on us, nor us on her). She didn't take it well either, hence why we had to wait until she was at work. She was mad for a while, but she talked to me a few years ago and thanked me! She said she couldn't have let me go at the time, but we needed to go and she was just being selfish! I almost feel sorry for your parents-in-law because I can see my own mother in them, but they really need to let go. Your husband needs to let go too.

Edit: spelling, I'll get better. Promise!
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Just Said Yes September 2017
Lauren · on December 30, 2017 at 8:44 PM
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I wish we could buy them out, but we really don't have the money. We have two months left, because that's when the company will be officially dissolved. They're staying with us to handle selling the business, and the building.
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Just Said Yes September 2017
Lauren · on December 30, 2017 at 8:48 PM
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Wee are preparing to talk to them tomorrow. He's going to lead the discussion on their inappropriate behavior toward us, and I'm going to follow with what the situation is doing to our marriage.
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