New wife & step mom

Sounds like you need a glass of wine or better yet the whole bottle! It’s ok you’re just adjusting to a lot of new things but you can do this (while a glass of wine in hand) there’s lots of things you can do yourself, what do you like? Yoga? Workout? Shopping? Right now you only have the kids 50/50 so on that time you don’t have them take a few hours for yourself once a week or every other week. Implements date night for you and the hubs at least one a month. About babysitters and appointments google is your best friend, trust the reviews and test things out. Ask your soon to be husband to help you, that’s his kids at the end of the day and when you can’t take it make sure he knows. Find time for both of you and make things spicy those time the kiddos are with their mom. Is all about balance and finding time for yourself so you can unwind and recharge batteries. You got this!

I would see a counselor who can help you tackle this big change and help you & your hubby work together. If both of you work, he needs to do just as much with his kids.

Yes, you can have all those things even with kids around. It’s just feeling like more of a shock to you since you’re being thrown into the parenting thing with two kids as opposed to having nine months to prepare. Every new parent goes through these feelings to some degree. It’s perfectly normal, and is also something you can work through.
Always close your bedroom door, and get the kids on an appropriate bed time. Things can spicen up in your bedroom once you know they’re asleep in theirs. Start asking around about babysitters. You’re young enough that your friends probably have younger siblings still babysitting. Or they have kids and a babysitter they can recommend.
As far as time for yourself, just start including that in your schedule. Tell your fiancé that you’re going out with your girls on Saturday (or whatever you like to do) so he knows he doesn’t make other plans. Whether there is kids in the house or not, having time for yourself is very important. I think it’s wonderful you’re taking the step mom position so seriously. I imagine the kids need a good female influence in their lives, especially since their biological mother is considering giving up her rights. But remember they’re not all your responsibility. Your fiancé is perfectly capable of taking care of his children without your help. You don’t have to do everything, and you shouldn’t. If it’s feeling like too much, tell him so he can step up so you’re not overwhelmed. He did the single parent thing for at least a little while, so there’s no need to dump all the parenting on you, and he probably has some answers to your questions about babysitters and whatnot if you ask. I’m sure the two of you can work together to come up with a good schedule to meet both your needs.

I was in this same situation with 3 kids after becoming a new mom myself and still trying to learn. it as VERY hard in the beginning and I wanted to walk away from the relationship. These kids weren't taught anything by their mom so it was like having to re-teach all over again. 3 years later, we are doing better, we have full custody because their mom is on drugs. We make sure we have our one on one alone time and dates. We always keep our door closed they respectfully knock if they need us. They have a bed time. We also make sure we have family time also. I will be hard, i wont lie, but its doable. It is a lot to take on just make sure you and hubby ALWAYS make one another a priority. ALSO, very important, hubby HAS to express to the children to listen to you and respect you at ALL times. This is a huge factor.