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Beginner May 2021

My Bachelorette- not excited/need to vent

on March 15, 2021 at 5:44 AM Posted in Parties and Events 0 10
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Hi WW


My bachelorette is in a few days and I’m just exhausted from planning the wedding, planning my bach, dealing with shady vendors that I’m just not excited for it. Need to vent.
Side note:I feel like covid has totally flipped this industry- it’s not enough that I’ve paid deposits for vendors but it’s also become a popularity game...like if you’re not a high paying client or you have no IG followers, you’re essentially being ghosted. That’s what I’ve experienced. For example, I’ve had my makeup artist cancel my makeup trial the night before my bridal shower because she had a bride reschedule her wedding that day. And I only found out because I texted her to ask for a time. From her IG, I’ve noticed that she posts a lot of clients with blue check marks and those with lots of followers. Luckily I haven’t experienced this with all of my vendors, but a few I reach out to- I get no communication. And then I see them post constantly on their social accounts!
My bachelorette- I had booked an Airbnb for only 6 people and then learned we had 8, so I cancelled that place knowing I wouldn’t be getting some money back. I was okay with that because I didn’t want anyone to not have a bed. So then I booked another place that sleeps 8. Well, over the course of the beginning of the year- I’ve had 2 girls drop out (both of them were starting back up at their jobs from covid and couldn’t ask for the time off). So I wasn’t upset over that, I understood. But...My future SIL just threw me the best bridal shower last week, it was amazing however....When I texted her yesterday to ask if she wanted to carpool with us to the bach- she told me that she’s going out-of-state to see her grandma and she’ll only be going Friday night. Her grandma is doing fine and she’ll be in town in a couple of weeks for the wedding. I asked her to still pay her portion which she was okay with, but I’m extremely annoyed and hurt. I told her I was bummed, especially because she’s known about the dates for awhile. And then she brought up excuses of spring break, and her flight change, and this and that. I’m beginning to think that she didn’t want to go in the first place so she booked this trip to see her grandma, so that she wouldn’t have the stay the entire bach weekend. I’m definitely going to call her and tell her all of this because that was just wrong! Like when was she planning to tell me she wasn’t staying the weekend, had I not texted her for the carpool?!And overall, I could have kept the original Airbnb. Me trying to be accommodating seems like it’s backfired.
I’m just exhausted from lack of communication and all the shade/ghosting. Has anyone else been going through this? I just need some honesty and transparency.
I know I will have a blast at my bach this weekend. But for now, I feel icky of experiencing reoccurring themes of flakiness.
Thanks for reading and being here!

10 Comments

Latest activity by Allie, on March 15, 2021 at 3:16 PM
  • Elizabeth
    Dedicated April 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    Sorry you're going though this, to be honest I think every bride goes through something similar and gets some sort of drama at some point. Vendors tend to not be very responsive to begin with unless they're trying to get hired and Bridesmaids always have drama. I had 3 girls already drop out of bach party. Aside from the 2 Bridesmaids who weren't coming on the first place, so I basically have 2 Bridesmaids and 2 friends still going, something that was planned over 6 months ago. I also had to change 3 vendors due to non response, another closing down without notice (lost deposit) and another due to unsatisfactory hair trials. Try not let things get to you and just enjoy what you have with those who do care, don't let anyone else ruin your happiness is not worth it!
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    I am sorry to hear vendors are dealing with the past year's covid changes of people scheduling, dropping, then rescheduling, by giving very little notice dropping you for the main event. While the best they can do is to reschedule trials to make sure they make all the weddings by rearranging trials, how they do it is everything. No one likes feeling you cannot be bothered with them. ...................... As for the bachelorette parties, my twins decided that this year, for their birthday party, they want a week in Florida, with their 7 friends instead of at home. And have been upset for 2 months at people blowing them off ( other people) or quietly and as nicely as possible explaining why we cannot all come up with the money and time off to take them. ( family)( other kids families.) They particularly do not like being told that whatever age they are when thy go, we will not be taking 8, 9, 10 of their friends, so they can do it as a birthday party. We have explained and explained that it is rude for people to plan parties in their own honor, be it birthdays, anniversaries, showers or bach parties. And rude for them to make others feel obliged to do it , as though it is an expectation they are somehow entitled to ( it is not) or that everyone gets to have ( they don't) and anyone who does not support them is a bad friend or family and a big disappointment. It is to be expected that 5,6, or 7 year olds not understand at first. But honestly, I am tired of hearing brides on here upset that what has always been an evening or day out with friends, the bach party, falls apart when the brides themselves plan things in their own honor, like royalty, or spoiled children, then get upset when people either refuse to go to begin with. OR drop out, as somewhere along the line they realize, it is the bride who is out of line, and they should not feel at all bad if they blow off someone else's bad mannered notion that a prewedding party should include a trip or vacation. Even if all they want to do is play bridge or have a cookout at home, a bach party that is such commitment of time and money, in addition to usual wedding things, is not a duty of a good friend or Bridesmaid. In 2 weeks I have read at least 8 brides who planned bach in their own honor, way ahead, complain when plans crumble. It took my 7 year old (now) son and daughter about 3 weeks to truly understand they cannot plan such a big thing as a trip themselves, for their own birthday, and stop complaining about it.
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  • Expert September 2021
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    I'm so sorry you're having to go through all of this uncertainty with some of your vendors. To play devils advocate, maybe the makeup artist knew she would be able to reschedule your trial run, but wouldn't be able to do that for the bride's wedding day - the actual wedding day is obviously more pressing than the trial. But I still understand your annoyance.

    I really hate that you're not super excited for your bachelorette! Even though some of your bridesmaids canceled, I would still encourage you to put your best foot forward and enjoy this trip with the ones who are still coming! It'll be a weekend to forget about the planning and vendor drama, just let loose with your girls. You're so close to your wedding day, I would try my hardest to just be excited for the best day that's coming - try not to let the small details not going exactly the way you planned ruin your excitement!

    Good luck!

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  • Expert September 2021
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    Judith, I think if you are 'tired of hearing brides be upset...', I'm not sure that WW Forums is the best place for you to hang out. And if we're just blurting our opinions, I'm personally tired of brides on here being bashed for having any expectations.

    Are you comparing your 7 year olds (if I read that correctly) wanting to have a huge, week-long birthday bash at beach with their other 7 year old friends to a wedding and/or bachelorette?

    I don't think this poster was acting spoiled or like 'royalty' by being upset that friends may have had to drop out - she actually explained in her post that she wasn't upset at that. It sounds like this bride is worn down from circumstances surrounding her wedding - whether that be lack of communication with vendors, or not feeling celebrated or special by some of her party. Both are valid. The entire idea of planning a wedding, any events that come with that, and even this wedding forum, is doing it in the bride and grooms honor. Literally everything you will see on this site, is in the bride and grooms honor. If that seems selfish to you, I believe you're on the wrong forums site.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    I not tired of hearing from brides in general. I am quite specifically tired of those who plan parties in their own honor, expecting participants to spend as much or more time and money as the wedding, two things that have always been considered rude, then expects them to feel an obligation to participate.
    ....As to participation in this forum , this is a forum open to a wide range of people , and their opinions
    It is not up to you to tell people to go elsewhere.
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  • Jess
    Devoted May 2021
    Jess ·
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    I had a similar issue with bridesmaids deciding to back out at the last minute for my bach.. so I feel for you. But one thing I've learned through this whole wedding planning process is to just focus on things you have control over and let the rest go. If I dwelled on the shortcomings of other people, I would have lost my mind. My bach was still really fun and I have great memories from it with the girls that actually did come.

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  • Beginner May 2021
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    Maybe I took on planning my own bachelorette for reasons I don’t need to explain to you. My main point in case you missed it, which sounds like you did, is when people made their own choice to commit and then bail last minute, with no communication.
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  • Beginner May 2021
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    Thank you Elizabeth! Reading this put me at ease. One thing I’ve noticed with all the planning is that I take way too much on by myself. I can’t control everything but it sure is defeating and disappointing sometimes. Thank you for shedding light!
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  • Beginner May 2021
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    Thank you! You’re totally right! Thanks girl ♥️
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  • Allie
    VIP November 2021
    Allie ·
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    Unfortunately with the virus, vendors are having to reschedule/drop things that were previously scheduled. So I think your vendor was probably figuring that your trial can be rescheduled, but a wedding day for another client can't be so easily moved around. It still sucks that you have to deal with that though! And vendors not being responsive. That's really frustrating, but maybe (hopefully) it just has to do with the covid craziness and they get to be more responsive.

    For the bachelorette...I'm sorry people are bailing on you last minute. I've seen people say it a bunch of times here, and I feel like it truly applies here...nobody is ever as excited about your wedding as you are, and it totally sucks when they actually show that through their actions by not showing up for you, especially if you showed up for them in their important moments. While you aren't looking forward to it now, try to just enjoy with the people you are there with. I'm sure you'll have a blast once you're there and doing the activities with your girls! If you feel like you can handle a conversation with those who clearly need one without exhausting yourself further, definitely let them know how you're feeling. They may not see it that way, as crazy as it sounds. Some people don't think of a bachelorette party as a big event in someone's life, but it is. So maybe they are just thinking that they'll miss out on a party and it's no big deal when in reality, it is a big deal to you. Best of luck! I hope you start to get more excited!

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