Mourning my maiden name

A name is just that, a name. It doesn't make you who you are. You are the same person you were before you got married. You have the same goals, beliefs, dreams, etc. Just because your name changed doesn't mean your whole identity changes.

If you grew up with a different first name do you think you'd be a different person? Probably not. I'd stop thinking of it as the "new me" and start thinking of it as an added bonus to becoming a life-long companion to your husband. Saying the name will take getting used to, no doubt, but if it bothers you that much you can change it back.

I am also mourning my name, I feel ya.

Yes!!! I totally get it!!! My name is officially changed everywhere important and mostly everywhere else too except maybe magazine subscriptions lol. But yeah it’s super weird! I even tried telling my husband but I said there is no way to really explain it. You don’t know unless you live it. I knew my name was changing, thought about it, practiced my new signature. But nothing prepared me for how it would actually FEEL.

I'm not dreading changing my name, but I know a lot of people do. You're still you at the end of the day. The thing that is tripping me out is figuring out a new signature. FML.

Having the same last name has certainly made managing our bills, accounts, reservations, travel plans, and things like that way easier!! But it's been over a year and half and sometimes I still see my new name and think "oh weird" or "oh yeah, that is my name now".

I definitely think it takes awhile to adjust!

Idk anything YET about how to feel about the name change but I want to say is congrats to you both

I haven't had my wedding yet but I'm already missing my last name. It doesn't really make sense to feel that way but I do and I totally get it. It feels like it's my connection to my dad and my grandpa and I feel like I'll be a stranger if I change it. I'm really nervous about it even though it's a silly thing to be upset about.

Charis, I feel ya!! I was divorced and took back my maiden name so this time when I got married I was like, "Hmmmm....should I or shouldn't I?"

I changed mine fully to First Middle Married and I have no regrets - it is a change, for sure, but you will get used to your new name!!

If it still bothers you in a few years you could change your middle to your maiden name?

Edited to add: my new last name is short, my maiden was long so happy to have a short name now, lol!

I know many people who have moved their maiden name to a middle name. Maybe that's a possibility for you?

Were not married yet but I am planning to take his last name. I’m already mourning mine because i love my last name lol, It’s Loving. My new will be Dungan.

I totally get where you're coming from. I was so excited at first to become a Mrs. But as we got closer I got more and more sad about changing my name because it was who I was. I think the biggest thing now is whenever my husband says it all i think about is his mom and its turns me off so much LOL

Not married but already sad about losing my last name. My last name is a flower so I always liked that my name was “pretty” and not that common. I also like my middle name but I’m probably going to move my last name to my middle and take my new last name (super common Irish last name). Not gunna lie it irks me how common my new last name is going to be.

The first time around I could not be more thrilled to change my name lol. I HATED my maiden name. Like if I had never married would have contemplated changing it to Smith or something I hated it so much.

This time around I was just as thrilled to change my name since when I got divorced I kept my married name. It's been 5 months though and it still seems weird seeing it and saying it out loud.

I had mixed feeling about changing my name. On one hand, my maiden name was a giant, difficult to pronounce monstrosity, so it's MUCH easier to pickup orders at the pharmacy, check in for reservations, etc with my married name. Also, I love how it unifies our new family.

The downside was that my maiden name was so unique, so I became kind of "known" by it. Losing it felt like losing part of my identity, and I did mourn that for a bit. I was also the only person who came up when you googled that name (except an obituary for another person with the name who died like 15 years ago). On social media, I was the only person with my name. Losing that uniqueness was a bittersweet moment. It's sad that my name isn't unique anymore, but on the other hand, it's pretty nice that potential employers, random creepers, etc can't easily find me and everything associated with me anymore (that used to include roster pictures, awards pictures, etc. Yikes).

View Quoted Comment Yes! My last name was unique. I was one only one anywhere. I googled my new name and there are a few. I was pissed. But you’re right I guess it can be good

I still have a few more days before I have to do this & I totally feel you. I am not looking forward to it either. Don’t get me wrong I am happy to marry my best friend & I want to take his last name BUT It’s WEIRD! I feel like when I got to the doctors office or somewhere where they call out your full name I’m gonna be “That One” to look around or totally block it out & miss my turn. I’m Spanish & I just think my 1st name with the new last name sounds weird “Not Spanish Enough” 😂 I will Alway be My Last Name it runs so deep in my blood but just to not hear it again is gonna be my “sad face”.

Were not married yet but I was always one of those woman that said I would never change my last name. I have a strong connection when my last name (yes it doesn’t make me the person I am but it holds my families history and my history). When I met my FS I told him how I felt and he said “that’s fine with me”. As our relationship grew and I got closer to his family I came around to the idea. Before we got engaged I decided that I would change my name. My FS has his grandfathers last name. He was very close to his grandfather has we was growing up, his grandfather taught him to be the man he is today, the man I love. I’m excited to take on that name, but I’ll still mourn my maiden name.

Such an interesting discussion..... I'm keeping my maiden name and do sometimes feel conflicted about that as well... so I guess there is just no easy answer. Good luck!

I felt like this a few months ago, but now I’m excited about it. A chat with a friend I’ve known for almost 20 years really helped. We both realized we would always think of the other as their maiden name anyways after so many years of friendship. I remembered that my mom still gets called by her maiden name by her old friends, despite changing her name twice in 30 years. And with other changes in my own family dynamics, my name seemed less permenant. It doesn’t just go away. It’s always part of your identity.

I am dreading giving up my last name. It's very unique and beautiful and I have always loved it. If it weren't for changing my name being incredibly important to my FH, I might have considered not changing it at all. I know it's just a name, but it's MY name. So I understand the feeling. The way that I'm consoling myself is that I plan on changing my middle name to my maiden name, and we've also decided that at least one of our future kids will have my maiden name as their middle name.