Money or gifts/registry?

I plan on requesting just money. My FH already has plenty of household items.

It is *always* rude to ask for cash regardless of the popularity of doing it. Guests want to buy you actual gifts you want and need and if you don't have a registry, you will get random stuff you don't want and can't return anywhere. Your wedding should be within your means without having to pay off balances later. Scale back until you can afford it without debt/loans.


If guests give cash, that is their prerogative. Do not assume it is the default gift in every social circle because many do not participate in that trend.
You can list a registry (most people register at Bed Bath and Beyond and Target) on your website (withjoy.com or wix.com is easiest to navigate and customize with no glitches) and a quick search of names on the store site will pop up your wish list. Or spread the info by word of mouth but do not include registry/website info in your invites. Your website can be listed on save the dates.

You should never “request” money. The best thing to do is just not register. Most guests will take this as a hint to bring money in a card.

What to give you is the choice of the giver. Separately, it is always considered rude to ask for money, unless a particular person anks you or your family, what would you like most. That is the only time you mention gifts, to someone who asks for a suggestion. When you register, you do not send that to a person, or put it on your invitation or an instruction sheet. That is saying, please come to my party and bring us one of these gifts. Ugh. They do not necessarily want to get you a gift. Ans d it is not your place to suggest things unless you were asked. Of someone asks you, family, shower hostesses, or WP, do you know where they are registered, since they asked, you tell them.
... Think of it like going for dinner at someone's house. If they ask you to dinner great. But if you decide to drive to their house, walk in and seat yourself at the table, reaching in the drawer and cupboard for dishes on the way by, and seat yourself saying, I know I am always welcome here for dinner. May I have 2 of the pork chops, two scoops of dressing, and no vegetables ... even good friends would think you presumptuous and rude, especially if they had planned something else, or no company at all . Couples often say, oh my friends don't care, but they do. People can buy or make anything they want as a gift. If you make a registry they may look, and decide, none of these things, and get something else. So no asking outright. Offer a registry, if asked. Many people look them up themselves. Request mo ey only if directly asked. Asking for money otherwise is for emergencies and medical issues. Not asking for presents.

View Quoted Comment This varies by generation and your area and income group. Particularly very young people will give you a gift at your shower, usually from your registry. And often money for a wedding gift if the registry is limited. Older people at your shower, will give a gift at the shower, but the majority in some areas will give money for wedding gifts, while in other areas or cultures others will give a gift, only, or nothing. Picked from your registry or picked by them off registry. A look at old etiquette books, or the diaries and letters of history, shows that except for a couple of limited cultural groups, for at least a century, people considered it rude and thoughtless to just give money, and thoughtful to give goods as gifts, except older family who often give both. Giving money, even if not asked, has only been in favor for about 15 years, since stores alll computerized, and gift cards started. And still,any feel , no money gifts.
So you might want to register at 6 months out at the latest fir shower type gifts where you give a boxed gift or don't attend.
And at least a small registry for those who will give gifts only, registry or their choice. No registry, and everyone will send their idea of a gift for the shower, and again at the wedding. We only registered for 10 things, including open stock dishes many people could buy. And left wish lists with our families. And got all ofour registries. And just over 200 off registry gifts. We each got 2 gifts and money from relatives. No money. We were fine with it, only 1 present we did not like. People who know us well, were creative and exactly right about our needs and likes. But if you leave no registry , you may get lits more money. Or 50 to 100 or more gifts , none registry. We were fine with it, expected and wanted it. But think about whether you want to leave no registry at all.

I did both. i mainly just wanted to the money but i did a small side registry especially for my bridal shower or else people wouldn't know what to get aha.

but be mindful that even if you do a registry or request money, people will give you what they want sometimes. in other words, you may get things that you didn't ask for and that's ok! but just a heads up that when it comes to these kinds of things, sometimes people don't give anything and sometimes people may give you things you don't expect, etc.

We own our home & have plenty of things in it. We only put a honeymoon fund on our website. Even though we’re not asking for money to help pay for the wedding, that money will go towards recouping the funds spent towards the wedding.

We created our registry on Zola. We've lived together for 3+ years now so we don't need the normal house gifts so we created a cash fund as well

We created 3 registries (Target, BB&B, Crate & Barrel). Since we ended up not having a shower, we only got a couple things off of our lists. Most people just showed up to the wedding with cards/checks.

Thanks for all the replies! I honestly don't see anything wrong with not requesting gifts and only requesting money. Maybe it's a generational or regional thing. I'm 34 but I would like if someone took out the thinking part and just asked for money. I feel like Pam and Jim from The Office. That was years ago and still went over pretty well lol We just don't need any household things, so I would hate for someone to waste money on something we'll never use. I hate being wasteful.

Looking at the responses, this has to be a cultural and generational thing. My circle of friends, we always give cash. It’s tradition in Asian culture and no thinks it’s “rude” or “thoughtless” to gift cash. My husband and I always gift cash for weddings. However, even my 60-something MIL who comes from East Coast old money told us that she was telling all her friends (who were asking what we wanted for our wedding), “Cash is king.”


Put together a small registry with items at different price points to give those who want to get you a physical gift. We did this. We’re in our early 30s so we already had everything we need for a home. We only got maybe 20 gifts on our registry (I didn’t have a bridal shower because I didn’t want one) and got close to $40k in cash gifts.