moh & bridesmaid drama 😥

I'm sorry plans are falling apart 2 weeks before your bachelorette party.

A couple things you should know that may bring perspective to the situation.

Your bridal party is not expected to attend any pre-wedding activities or events.

It is not your MOH's job or responsibility to throw you a bachelorette party.

If someone offers to throw you a party then they are the host and responsible for footing the bill unless it was agreed upon beforehand to split it among the bridesmaids.

I would take a step back and re-evaluate your expectations. Maybe your bachelorette party needs to be toned down so that it is not so expensive for your friends to attend.

I agree with this--mostly. I also agree with Lauren. What I want to add is that we have no way of knowing based on your story if the MOH went and made a bunch of plans on her own, or did she consult the other BMs and get their input as far as what they could afford to spend, what they were willing to spend, etc.

It's true that BMs/MOHs only job is to show up on the wedding day in the right attire and stand up with the bride. However, many bridal parties choose to host these kinds of pre-wedding events and that's fine. What is not fine is for one person to decide for the group, without consulting the group on spending. Not everyone has the same amount of money to spend on these kinds of things. If your MOH layed it out for everyone, and they agreed ahead of time to split the costs, then MOH has every right to be upset that others are not carrying their weight. BUT, if MOH did not consult anyone on her plans, and just started putting stuff on a wish list, and buying some of it, then she really can't complain when others can't or don't want to spend the money.

So, I understand you don't want this to fall apart, but how it all happened this way matters. If costs can be scaled down a bit, so that everyone can afford to put it together, great. But it's not MOHs responsibility to spend more than the others. It should be as equal as possible, in my opinion. Now that feelings are getting hurt, and there seems to be some resentments going around, this may be the right time for you to get involved, and talk to each of your BMs privately to find out what they can afford, what they are willing to do, and try to salvage the situation. Good luck!

I don't feel like the MOH should spend more than other BM. That didn't happen for me and it hasn't happened for bach parties I've been to. Did your MOH check with everyone's budget prior? I do agree, the two BM should have whatever they already spent deducted.

Yeah, while I appreciate that your MOH took the initiative, and ran with her idea (only trying to give you a great bachelorette), she should have made her intentions known sooner, or she should have planned to pay for everything herself. You can't expect people to just pony up at the last minute. If I were part of the BP, that would be a total bummer, as I keep myself on a very tight budget, and anything that's not part of my regular monthly budget needs some advance planning, etc. So, if I were to learn only two weeks before that I had to come up with a bunch of money, I'd be upset too. It's really unfortunate, because I'm sure your MOH meant well. Maybe at this point, some of the decor plans could be scrapped in order to save money. I understand if there are activities planned that have to be paid for, then each BM is going to have to decide if she can afford to do that. Hopefully, they'll all be able to do it. It sounds like it will be a fun weekend!! I LOVE San Diego! My brother lives there, and I try to visit as often as I can because it's such a fun and beautiful city!!

Sounds like your MOH needs to scale down her expectations of your other bridesmaids and this party. You don't really need all this decor to have a girls night and a going out night. What is on the list that is so important?

What do they need to buy?? Honestly I don't think decor and little gifts are even necessary really for a bachelorette. Yeah they can be fun but they're just props. My sister texted me yesterday and asked if I was planning to get hangover kits for the girls and I said no cuz honestly I am mad at most of them causing me stress anyways, but my sister said okay good. Which makes me believe she is going to, but like I said I don't think it's necessary. I wanted tank tops and that was it! I feel like your only way to remedy this situation is to tell your MOH don't worry about the items/decor to buy and everyone can just go with what they've got so far.

Yep, the MOH should have been coordinating and making plans based on everyone's constraints. At this point, can all the extras and décor just be scrapped and everyone just have a low key night on the town? Dinner, drinks? Maybe suggest a clean slate to get everyone back on the same page and scale this way back.