Moh: bridal shower, bachelorette, etc.

Some brides like to be more involved. I would talk to her and say something like "I absolutely would like to hear your ideas and integrate some of them, but I am also excited to throw you a party that I envision you will like and would like some elements to be a surprise." Maybe ask her to give you her top 3 requests or something and then leave the rest up to you. Personally, I had absolutely no involvement in my bridal shower planning other than providing the guest list. I didn't even know the date until recently and that was by accident.

Yes, agree with PP here. Some brides want to be really involved in the planning, others not at all. There's no hard and fast etiquette rule about this, except that the bride should not throw herself a shower. Beyond that, it's really up to the individuals involved. I think it's a great idea to let the bride know you would like to incorporate some surprise elements, but that you take her desires/requests seriously, and will try to give her everything she wants.

As for a second shower, a lot of brides have more than one, especially if they have family/friends who are far away, or for whatever reason can't make the first one. If it's a huge wedding (250+ for example), sometimes a second shower is necessary only to keep the guests lists for each from getting out of control. If her aunt wants to throw her a second shower, primarily for other guests who can't make the one you are throwing, let her. There's nothing wrong with it, and it will make the bride happy.

I want to thank you for being one of those MOHs who really wants to step up for her bride and give her the best experience possible. Not every bride has attendants who care that much.

Thank you! I am def going to use the top requests idea, I actually love that idea.
Congrats to you!
-Jaime

It's up to you how you want to handle it. If you don't mind her help and ideas it would probably be comforting to her to know what to expect. I am very controlling and my mom and sister (MOH) have told me to step back and let them do it. They want to surprise me. If you want to do it yourself you can listen to her ideas, incorporate some things, and then tell her nicely that she must have so much to coordinate for the wedding why doesn't she just let you and the other bridesmaids handle the shower as a bonding experience. Especially if the venue and ideas she wants is out of your budget you need to let her know.

View Quoted Comment Thank you, love the input! I’m so excited and want this to be the best experience for her!

View Quoted Comment That’s funny, our bride is similar to you 😂 but yes, I understand knowing what’s going on will probably give her a peace of mind.

If you’re hosting (and, btw, it’s not a requirement that you do— anyone can host a shower), then ultimately, it’s YOUR budget. Unless the bride is footing the bill, it’s really not her place to make these kinds of decisions. It’s fine to seek and consider input from her, but, not fine for her to make demands. I think the first commenter’s response/suggested conversation to have with her is perfect.

What does she mean, "people that can't go"? It only makes sense to have two showers if they are in different cities or states with completely different guest lists. I gave input to my bachelorette, my MOH did a lot of the planning but ultimately she asked me questions & wanted it to be my dream weekend. But the MOH did all the booking, communication with the bridal party, picked restaurants & activities, etc.

Idk about this. In my area the MOH absolutely does not solely host the bridal shower. It's typically the mother or MIL of the bride. The MOH and bridesmaids help out. Usually the bachelorette is more so the bridal party's responsibility. I am not sure why there needs to be two showers? Why can't people go to the one her aunt is throwing?

For many generations it has been considered bad manners for someone to participate in planning any event in their own honor, or any event which gathers gifts for that person. Wedding showers are just one of those parties. Birthday parties with gifts, baby showers, honoring someone for an achievement with a reception or party, all are times when other than clearing a date, the person being honored should stay out of the planning. O P is correct, a bride should not insert herself in the planning process, and tell the person who is hosting and planning, what to do. The party is supposed to be a gift from others. Telling people what gift you expect them to give you is considered rude under any traditional etiquette, or bad social manners.