Alex
Beginner June 2021

Matron of Honor missing Bachelorette party

Alex, on February 28, 2021 at 10:22 PM Posted in Parties and Events 0 68
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My matron of honor is my older sister. I am having a destination wedding and to keep travel minimal we are also doing the bachelorette party the same weekend in the same state. We set the date about a year ago and she was supposed to help me plan. It is about 3 months away and she told me that a friend of hers lives 2 hours from where we will be and is having a baby shower the same day so she wants to miss my bachelorette party. I’m not sure how to handle this. I want my sister and matron of honor there more than anything, but don’t want to cause any issues. What do I do?!!

68 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on March 6, 2021 at 11:17 PM
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Let her go to it with no bad feelings. You are already having your destination wedding at that time. Do something with others. Or just plan something with her and a few others a month or so before, even if only a few can make it and it is an evening at a concert or show. That is what most bachelorettes are, though TV has made them seem a major party, they never have been in the past.
    I have been to weddings where they piled on a shower or bach in the same few days, while everyone is gathered, and hated it. The wedding is a big deal. A second party in a very short time, same few core people, is a chore. Spreal them out, or don't have the expectation everyone will join you. You are not the only person in people's lives. You are having the wedding then. Enough .
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  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
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    It’s always difficult to find a day when everyone’s schedules coordinate and everyone you want to can be there. On the surface, It’s odd that she’s choosing a friends baby shower over her sister’s bachelorette party, but at the end of the day it’s her choice to make. Just express how disappointed you are that she won’t be there, tell her you hope she’ll change her mind (I am assuming that summarizes your feelings), and after that let it go. Celebrate with those who are able to attend and don’t let it turn into something that clouds the day.

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  • JM Sunshine
    August 2020
    JM Sunshine ·
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    Ah, sisters...my sister was my MOH and came running in at the END of our church rehearsal just as we were walking out for the dinner because she HAD to attend a frat party as a "little sister" beforehand and lost track of time. 🙄. I personally think if someone accepts the role of MOH they should at least participate (not necessarily plan) in the events as long as they have enough notice--especially a sister.
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  • C
    Rockstar January 2019
    Cassidy ·
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    Baby showers are typically in the afternoon and I’m sure your bachelorette party will go later. She can do both and join after the baby shower. I’d probably attend the shower too especially if that friend lived far away.
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  • SHY
    Master January 2022
    SHY ·
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    Like Cassidy mentioned, baby showers are typically during brunch or the early afternoon, so I'm sure she would be able to attend both! Did she flat out say she wasn't participating in your bach. weekend?

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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    I absolutely agree with this. She is ditching you her sisters Bachelorette party for a friends baby shower. Kind of seems like you aren't an importance to her as her friend is.
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  • Alex
    Beginner June 2021
    Alex ·
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    It isn’t a crazy Bach party, so it starts early. We are kayaking in the morning, mani/pedis/spa in the afternoon and just kind of hanging out and playing games that night. Because of covid we didn’t want to really be out in public and bars so we were keeping it low key. The baby shower is 2 hour away so she would be missing everything and arriving at the very end of things.
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  • SHY
    Master January 2022
    SHY ·
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    Ohhh yeah that changes things then since she'd pretty much be missing everything.

    I'd be hurt too if she decided to go to a baby shower instead of the bach. party, especially since she's the Matron of Honor. I'd just let her know that your respect her decision, but that you're feelings are hurt that she decided to not attend and how you'll miss her being there. Ultimately, she decides which one she considers a priority, but I wouldn't let this ruin the relationship you both have!

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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    If I was you I'd tell her how hurt you are that she is choosing her friend over her sister whom she happens to be the MOH for her wedding
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  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    A couple of things going in Is it possible she is nervous/anxious/otherwise concerned about kayaking?
    A lot of people find it enjoyable but it also is sitting in a tiny floating object and physical exertion she may not be used to.
    Or she is somewhat of an introvert and the idea of a a long day of morning, afternoon and evening activities with the same small group is horrifying to her, and the long drive to snd from the other event will be her reset. It is probably common in your social group, but that’s a lot of together time for me, and on top of travel and the wedding the same weekend, it would be really hard for me. I would have declined being in the wedding if it meant that though, so I wouldn’t have been a drag on the fun though.
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  • Alex
    Beginner June 2021
    Alex ·
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    She is definitely an extrovert and we kayak together every summer, so I know it’s not anxiety for that. There have been other times that she will talk me she is coming over or rsvp’s to an event of mine and ditches as soon as something else pops up.
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  • Kimberly
    Super March 2021
    Kimberly ·
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    ^this 100%.
    Your sister didn’t expect her friend to have a baby when you set the date of your bach. Just because she wants to join in this special time with her friend doesn’t mean you are less important to her. It means she has other people in her life that she also cares about. She isn’t missing your wedding. She’s missing a party. Let it go.
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  • Stephanie
    Savvy September 2022
    Stephanie ·
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    A bachelorette party where you are the maid/matron of honor should trump a baby shower, where you are just going to be one of many guests. I think she should reconsider and it is totally understandable that you are hurt. And if this is something she's done before it would be totally fine if you called her out on it.

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  • R
    Savvy June 2022
    Rebecca ·
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    If she set the date of your bachelorette a year ago, there's no way would have been able to foresee her friends' shower falling on the same day. Let it go, she wants to be there for her friend, have a great bachelorette without her and look forward to seeing her stand with you at the wedding.

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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    Exactly, if she still wants to show her love for her friend she can send her a baby shower gift in the mail after all a shower is really about showering the person in gifts.
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  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
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    I’m guessing that your sister has assisted you in some area while planning your wedding. Additionally, she’ll be present at the wedding, right? So, in the grand scheme of things, it’s a non-issue. We really can’t expect our wedding activities to be everyone else’s first priorities or you’ll obviously set yourself up for disappointment. Understand that sometimes, the answer is no. Because it would be quite selfish to equate that with meaning you’re less important to someone. You’ll have plenty other people to laugh and mingle with at your bachelorette party besides just your sister. Sadly, there’s become way too much judging, self-inflicted stress and unnecessary pressure put on every damn thing surrounding a wedding, when it should be a time of joy and celebration for the bride and groom.
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  • Alex
    Beginner June 2021
    Alex ·
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    The biggest thing is that we had one bridesmaid back out due to pregnancy and not being able to travel and another not wanting to travel due to covid, which is totally understandable for both. Without my sister I have 2 people that are going though and I feel like it’s going to be so lame.
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    What about extending the invitation for the Bachelorette party to friends who aren't in the bridal party but are coming to the wedding?
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  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
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    Ok, so it’s not just your sister who can’t attend. Well, I hear what you’re saying. But, 100% attendance is not a guarantee at our weddings or any pre-wedding event. Additionally, I’d never consider a chance to hang with two of my best friends as being a “lame” time. You mentioned that it’s “low key” anyway. So going kayaking, the spa and hanging out will still be a fun time together.
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  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    Ah so it’s a pattern. That’s too bad. Just have fun without her and it’s her loss!
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