Good Morning Fellow Married Couples!
As a newly married woman (April 13, 2019) there are a few things I was hoping you may be willing to share with the rest of us regarding: Keeping the Spark, Staying Sexy, being Open & Honest.
I'm one of those wives that believes in open honest communication, but I also have personal insecurities that get in my way. I'm sure I'm not the only woman out there that has thoughts at times that drive us absolutely crazy (Is he being faithful? Is he being honest? etc etc). These aren't thoughts that we want, but in the back of our mind they are always there. It really is irritating. How do you get rid of them? Beats the hell out of me, but I do try my best to ensure they don't ruin my day. My husband understands and is completely supportive of my "issues" LOL
Prior to marriage (after we'd been living together for about idk 10 months, been together about 2 years I think) my husband was caught in a "mistake", one that I hope he was completely honest with me about, and we've moved past it (we've now been together almost 6 years), but it's always in the back of my mind and it drives me absolutely crazy. Let me be clear that I love my husband with all of my heart, and I do trust him. I was insecure WAY before I met him because of "issues" in my own past, but I must say it sucks. I hate having random thoughts that turn my day upside down and have nothing to do with anything at that moment. I feel bad for him because this is about my brain causing turmoil in my head not about him being unfaithful or doing things he shouldn't. It's about my own insecurities in my past that my brain can't get over. There are months of peace and I'm just like YAY and then there are days normally before my period or during that I'm like UGH you suck brain! Some people think oh this is your brain telling you something, but it's not. My brains always been like this, even before I met my husband. My moms worry wartness has been driven into me probably, just not in the same way. I think I'm also OCD, not joking, being honest. I have other things in my life were people tell me that I am OCD and fixating on things is just one of the symptoms of a type of OCD. So how do I stop fixating? Well I meditate, that actually can help when its really bad. I focus on everything that makes me happy, and the love of my husband, our family, etc etc, but it doesn't keep these ridiculous thoughts away forever. I just wish they'd fly away, ha! I know I'm not the only person out there this happens to, I can't be. My husband gives me no reason to worry about such things and I just want to live a peaceful silent brain life, is that too much to ask for? Probably, ha!
So to tie everything together, I'm asking you, my fellow married couples: Am I alone? How are you keeping the spark in your marriage after 5 years, 10 years, 15+ years? How do you help yourself feel sexy, or how does your other half help you feel sexy? Because we all know some of us age well, some don't, pregnancy can change our bodies, actions can as well. What helps you? My husband and I have an open honest relationship, but what methods do you use to keep your relationship strong, and keep that open honest relationship, because let's be honest we all have white lies we tell ourselves or our spouses, but what helps you keep your relationship strong? Are there things you are insecure about with your partner? (ex: Not everyone is comfortable masturbating with their partner, or are ashamed if they get caught in the act.) How do you move past these insecurities, together?
My own insecurities are my own issue, but I think it would be nice to share with each other what we do. By sharing we may learn what we could be doing better, or additional that were not doing now that could really help us in the future.
Thank you for sharing!
------ Here is my share for the group:
What do my husband and I do?
~ We schedule 1 date night, and 1 game night each month, and try really hard to stick to it.
~ We have cuddle time on the couch where we watch Netflix with our pets, and just relax.
~ We eat dinner at the kitchen table every night (unless we order take out, than it's TO THE LIVING ROOM!).
~ In the mornings we talk a bit about what we expect out of our day once we head out the door.
~ On the weekends we eat breakfast together, well we used to, ha! We are trying to get better at it again but summer is really busy for us. Lately we've been staggering our time in the mornings to ensure we get in the shower, and out the door at a reasonable time to get started on our day. Those breakfast talks really do help.
~ We talk. Not just, how was your day? But we have intellectual conversations, we laugh, we joke. We talk about what we want out of our future, how our budget is doing, what adjustments we may need to make, our pets, exercise or not exercising, etc, etc.
What could we do better at?
~ Make time for sex. This one drives me crazy, only because I remember saying once to someone when I was younger, make time for sex? Why would I have to do that, we just do it. WRONG! As you get older your life just because busier and busier and after working all day, cooking, and cleaning, sometimes you just don't have the drive, and neither does he (or she). But at the same time you don't want it to be planned because it may take some of the spontaneous factor out of it.
~ Talk about sex. It can be an uncomfortable subject for anyone, before and after marriage. Not everyone is comfortable talking about how their partner could do things better to make it more enjoyable, etc. Also, not everyone is comfortable getting out of their comfort zones. Like sometimes I'd like to tell him what to do but then my brain gets in the way and I get worried about him losing focus or something, the other side of my brain says, maybe he'd like me telling him what to do. For Example: My husband and I thought we'd try watching porn together to you know help get in the mood...yea..we were soooo uncomfortable we had to put it down and just get to it the regular way LOL Another example: We tried a new position twice (doggy style & backwards cowgirl), yea...that didn't work either. Were just not coordinated enough, it did make us laugh though 
~Trying new things. We have this dry erase board or used to. I erased it all when I was planning the wedding and haven't put anything back on it from before yet, ha! Anyways, we used to use our dry erase board to list all the NEW things we want to try, like food, experiences etc. We need to get back to that. Sometimes I feel like you don't know how someone will react until they are put in the situation. You may find out something new about your partner you never new before, by trying something new.
What can I do better?
1. Get out of the house away from the husband (he has friends, I need to join a club or make friends, time away can help.) 2. Take one anxiety issue at a time. Like a new food restaurant. Instead of picking one, being scared, and bailing. Plan ahead. Look at the menu, get excited, and GO! 3. Take more initiative to initiate sex. Don't be afraid to tell him what I like and what I don't during sex, help guide him. 4. Meditate more! ha 5. Be comfortable in my body and believe my husband when he says I'm sexy, ignore my not flat stomach and just feel good in the lingerie cause you know he likes it.
THANK YOU FOR SHARING! I LOOK FORWARD TO READING. 
