It's heartbreaking to have to write this post.
I recently got married to my partner of three years. In all that time, I can count the number of times we've had sex on my fingers (seven or eight times in three years). He's physically affectionate in other ways (long cuddles, lots of hugs, holding hands), we spend a lot of time together, share hobbies, etc. There's just nothing erotic. For context, I have quite low libido, and I think I'd be happy with sex on a monthly basis, so it's not even the huge deal to me it is to many people. But eight times in three years is a problem even for me.
I've tried talking to him about it. I explained it made me feel ugly and unwanted, that it was making me wonder if he isn't attracted to me and if he'll grow to resent me once he meets a woman he actually feels attracted to. He became slightly tearful at this, hugged me, and told me that he was loving me the only way he knows how. I asked if this meant he was asexual, and he denied it. I decided that I loved him enough to continue even if nothing changed. He told me that he was quite drawn to the traditional idea of marriage, even though he's not religious, so part of me thought it would get better then.
On our wedding night we came home and went straight to sleep. We were both exhausted. Two days later I asked for some intimate time and he agreed that we would have a date night. He was even quite flirty about it, which got my hopes up. I thought maybe this was what we needed to do - just be proactive and specific about identifying times. When the evening came he was too tired and his stomach felt upset. He made a joke about it normally being the woman's job to make excuses, but I didn't find it funny. If we had more of a regular sex life it wouldn't bother me, but given that we've had sex twice in the past twelve months, it felt like he didn't really want it and he was just putting me off.
I can't keep asking him for sex and getting rejected. It hurts. At the same time I'm not giving up on my marriage when it's barely begun. I don't even know what advice there is to make this situation feel better, but if anyone has words of wisdom, I'd love to hear them.