Marriage Advice!

My favorite thing I have heard, even if it is cliche, is that it isn't me vs. him, it is us vs. the problem!

The books Getting to I Do and Staying Married and Loving It by Pat Allen, along with her podcasts/online radio show. She changed my life forever. I would be single right now if it weren’t for all her advice.

I think since we were an older couple no one really gave as any, but for my first wedding I remember our late minister telling us to not listen to that old "don't go to be angry" myth. He said sometimes sleeping on it helps clear things up. I agree

Learning the Love Languagues of you and your partner is very important, similar to a Myers Briggs personity test but how each of you feel love, heard, etc. There are Amazon or hardcopy books. Definitely would recommend.

A relationship isn’t 50%\50%, it’s 100%\100%. And sometimes when one of you is only able to do 75%, the other one needs to pick up that extra 25%, until the other one can do 100% again.

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This!

Also, a relationship is work. That's not a good or a bad thing, it's just an Is. So, make time for it.

For me, it has to be to let go of the little things. I tend to hold on to things and the older i get, the more i realize this is true. I don't want to be fighting with him for the rest of my life. Sometime i do hold on things that happen years ago, but all its doing is harming me. So I always loved this little piece of advice.

Not even marriage advice but the best advice I've ever heard..."Do not assume someone knows your needs, wants, and desires."

I learning this after "assuming" someone knew how to treat me because I always treated them with respect. Now I don't assume this and I tell people my expectations up front. This has helped so much with communications and it doesnt allow me to let things simmer and cause anxiety.

Its not what I heard but what I've always lived by - communicate with goals and don't attack each other. I've always told my husband even when we were dating that we are adults capable of communicating our thoughts and feelings to be able to say what our goals are and how to come to a viable solution for the both of us. And attacking one another will never help any issues.

Never go to bed upset is the best advice we've ever been given. Going to sleep with bad feelings leads to waking up with bad feelings. Saying that "we'll just sleep it off" or "tomorrow is a new day" is naive because sure you can start the day over, but what's been done is done and if you don't work to resolve it, it'll leave a bad taste in your mouths.

The best advice I've ever heard: love is a verb, not a noun. Also, it's not exactly advice, but there is a line from an old movie that I never got when I watched it as a kid that I totally understand and have made my mantra now that I'm married: "It's giving life that counts. Until you're ready for it, all the rest is just a big fraud. All the crazy haircuts in the world won't keep it turning. Life isn't a love in, it's the dishes and the orthodontist and the shoe repairman and... ground round instead of roast beef. And I'll tell you something else: it isn't going to a bed with a man that proves you're in love with him; it's getting up in the morning and facing the drab, miserable, wonderful everyday world with him that counts."

View Quoted Comment Ahhhh love that perspective!