Lachrista
Beginner August 2023

Long Distance

Lachrista, on January 11, 2021 at 3:58 PM Posted in Married Life 0 14
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Hello ladies,


My fiancé just took a job in another state and I’m not sure if I will be joining him after the wedding because of work reasons. Does anyone have advice on how to make a long-distance marriage work?

14 Comments

Latest activity by Samantha, on February 11, 2021 at 9:05 AM
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    I would advise you two to definitely make time for each other, make that a priority (phone calls, facetime, etc). Also be honest with each other (if the distance or something is bothering you then let him know and vice versa). There will be times that you get lonely, but remember that you wont always be apart from each other.

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    You are going to have to make sure you are communicating frequently and are being honest about your feelings. My husband I broke up after about five months of date because of distance. He had moved for his job after we graduated college and the distance wasn't working. We were both very lonely and it was definitely effecting how we communicated and our sex life. Two months later, we met up and we determined that if we wanted to be together one of us was going to have to move. I was set to start a new job, but I wanted to be with my husband more so I told the job that unfortunately I no longer could accept the position. My job didn't pay nearly as well as my husband's so it made more sense for me to move where he now lived. It was what was best for us otherwise we never would've gotten back together. I'm sure it isn't this way for everyone, but I'm not going to lie and say that it won't be challenging.

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  • Lachrista
    Beginner August 2023
    Lachrista ·
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    Thank you For your honest response
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  • Connie
    Dedicated December 2021
    Connie ·
    • Flag
    Never done the long distance marriage, but we did date for about a year long distance before the pandemic. It was easier because I could hop on a plane once a month or so to visit him, but now I can only imagine how much harder it will be. We did a lot of long video chats, but even that wasn't fulfilling enough on it's own. We were both unemployed right as the pandemic hit, and he took the first job he could find. It happened to be halfway across the country. I took a risk and moved with him after literally cold calling a bunch of companies to find a job. It paid off really well for us, since now neither of us is unemployed and we are finally living together. Long distance is not fun, so my recommendation would be to communicate EVERYTHING you are feeling especially if you are struggling, and then move back together again ASAP!
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    It will definitely be challenging. My FH and I were semi long distance (100 miles apart) for two years. We would make it a priority to talk and video chat at least every othet day.
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  • Lachrista
    Beginner August 2023
    Lachrista ·
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    Thank you ladies for the advice.
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  • Katelyn
    Savvy May 2017
    Katelyn ·
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    DH and I dated long distance while we both lived internationally for six months and then another 1.5 years long distance in the states. Based on my experience, the long distance part of a long distance relationship must end within a few years and there should be an end in sight when going into it. After about 10 months DH and I decided to go to grad school in the same city so we could "give it a go." But if neither of us had been willing to move to the other, we would have broken up. I strongly recommend going into it with an end date.

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  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
    • Flag
    Your post sounds to me like this is just what the situation is, it won’t be temporary, and has no end date. This, to me, is a huge no go. Being married is about having a life together.


    I think you need to have an end date/when you will finally move. I also think you need to come up with a plan (visits, calls, long weekend getaways, bills since you’ll have 2 homes to maintain, etc). You’ll also need to have very open communication starting now and after you are married. I also think “rules” or expectations need to be established as far as friends and going out and such. You’ll be lonely and he’ll be alone in a new place. Not saying anything would happen but it’s easy for situations to take unintended turns. Again not suggesting anything but it is something that would worry me.
    Good luck!
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  • Lachrista
    Beginner August 2023
    Lachrista ·
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    We have a tentative and date where he will be moving back here where I am. He’s already been there for a few months. I think for me it’s not having the family dynamic and the same household that worries me. He's stayed at once he’s done with his apprenticeship he would move back because he does not want to stay in that state. I’m willing to move but with the pandemic and working in The hospitality industry it’s not the best decision right now. Also I have a hard time explaining to my mom that we’re going to be married to living apart.
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  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
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    Ah, that makes more sense. If it’s just for an internship I think it would be alright to wait it out. Make sure that you plan visits with each other. A fun idea could be to FaceTime/video chat while you eat so you can still have dinner together. Dinner together is important to me 🤷‍♀️
    As far as you mom, just explain that it’s an opportunity to better his career and therefore your life together. Let he know you have a plan. But at the end of the day it’s your decision.
    • Reply
  • Emily
    Savvy August 2021
    Emily ·
    • Flag

    I have been doing long distance dating for almost 12 years. Thank God I am a flight attendant but you would cringe if you heard our schedule for the first 7 years. Crazy doesn't describe it. We couldn't move because we had children in our respective cities. We have about 3 years to go until I permanently move in with him ( the last kid will graduate) but we are deciding to get married in August anyway. At this point why not but I understand your dilemma. I questioned if we should be "married" without living together. My biggest advice is you must have a ton of trust and even more patience. Try not to have crazy expectations of each other. I would not do it if there was no end to the situation and don't recommend it if you can avoid it but to better your married life, job etc sometimes you have to do what you have to do. My FH and I just thought we would have a fun little fling. LMAO 🤣 who would have thought we would end up married. I will say a plus is how you are constantly excited to see each other. Keeps things fresh! Good luck to you!

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  • C
    Just Said Yes October 2021
    Corrie ·
    • Flag
    My fiancé and I were long distance for almost five years. At one stretch we didn’t see each other for more than a year. We didn’t use any kind of video calling most of the time, but lots of texting. We’d text lots of pictures of everyday things - morning coffee, what we are wearing that day, the weather, etc. That helps just feel like you’re part of each other’s day. It’s hard in the sense that I always missed him like crazy, but easy in the sense that I knew I’d rather have him even at a distance than have anyone else close by.
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  • C
    Savvy August 2023
    Carol ·
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    Glad he's only there for the internship and have the option to move back with you once it's done. Communication is really crucial with LDR especially that you're just about to get married. In the early years of marriage, you really have to be with each other to make it work.

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  • S
    Beginner November 2019
    Samantha ·
    • Flag

    I think it's more about your priorities for a couple. If you plan on growing a family, I wouldn't recommend long distance for the foreseeable future. Like others have said, and goal date to move back together is important! From experience of past relationships, it's important to set time aside for each to video chat or call and keep up that communication.

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