Living With Husband After Wedding Transition?

Hi love, no, i don't think it will be intimidating living with FH

My situation is different than yours bc I live with a female roommate and not my parents. Haven't lived with my parents since I was in high school! So I've been out of the nest for over a decade. When we are not working, I'm confident my husband and I will spebd time together then spend time separated from eachother. I'm a runner and hubby exercises at the gym 7 days a week for 2 to 3 hours. We each have our own social circle so I will probably hang out with my girlfriends while he hangs out with his male friends.

As someone who’s lived with their FH for years, the way to keep things interesting is to keep wooing each other, go on dates, ask questions, never assume you know everything about them (because you don’t). Spend deep and meaningful time together, make traditions and habits, cook dinner together once a week, AND the most important thing when first living together is to learn each others routines! You’ve lived separately for a long time so adjusting to living together will take some time but good communication will make this so much easier!

I'm not married yet, and I currently live with my fiance, but I do have some ideas that may help with some of your questions. Make sure to intentionally spend quality time together (work on puzzles together, or watch a TV series together, or set aside time to read books, or go for an evening walk together and leave your phones at home, cook meals together, etc), and also time apart (spend time with friends, take some time for yourself, etc). Building routines and traditions can help bring you closer together. Plan date nights out once every couple weeks - out to a restaurant, concert, movie, hike, etc. I was nervous at first to move in with my fiance. I had never lived with a boyfriend before, and I liked having my own space, but living with my fiance ended up being really easy! The pandemic made it slightly difficult since we were around each other literally 24/7, but we learned how to be around each other that often, and also each learned how to take time and space for ourselves. One book I recommend that you and your fiance each read separately, and then discuss together, is The 5 Love Languages. It can help you each understand each other a little better, and can help make living together a little easier to transition to.

"Make sure to intentionally spend quality time together (work on puzzles together, or watch a TV series together, or set aside time to read books, or go for an evening walk together and leave your phones at home, cook meals together, etc), and also time apart (spend time with friends, take some time for yourself, etc). Building routines and traditions can help bring you closer together. Plan date nights out once every couple weeks - out to a restaurant, concert, movie, hike, etc."

All of this. We've been married for 3.5 years and we try to do these things (harder with the pandemic lol). We play board games, build puzzles (and lego), have several series we watch together, we have a book that I'm currently reading aloud. He likes to play video games, and I watch and comment or kibitz. We meal plan and cook together. We like to travel and planning for our travels is a highlight as well.

As others have said intentionally plan things/activities. My husband and I have live together almost the entirety of our relationship. Less than 6
Months after we began dating. He moved into my home as I had already left my parents house. It was awkward for me. Having someone else in my home. I had some major adjusting to do. I didn’t fill relax and become comfortable for quite some time. I feel like it was easier for him and he felt comfortable sooner. That said he did move into my space so he didn’t feel it was his as well. My suggestions would be to get a space that is new to both of you so that it is equally both of yours. Eating dinner together is important to me and it’s quality time with no distractions. Don’t worry if it takes time, I imagine it would almost be like starting a new relationship/getting to know each other again (little quirks, habits, and routines). Stuff he does is going to annoy you or drive you crazy. Make sure you have good open communication about stuff so you don’t bottle it up. I had a tendency to do this and it wasn’t good.

I've been living with my FH for 3 years now, before then I lived with my parents. I was a little nervous prior to moving in but we both had open minds and were aware we would be learning new things about each other, our routines, habits, pet peeves, and all that good stuff. Anything that kind of bothered the other was addressed at the moment and we adjusted accordingly. Honestly it all fell into place pretty easily.
We both worked conflicting schedules pre-covid and our only down time together would be at night (unless we had a day off together, took time off for a trip, etc.) Dinnertime became our favorite time of day. We make dinner together EVERY night. I'll do entrée while he does the sides and vice versa. Our cats even come in to watch, that's how much our kitchen became a place for our mini family. We also pick shows we are both interested in watching and watch them together. During these times, no phones are allowed. It's 100% us time. Like everyone said, take the time to plan stuff out together and never stop putting in effort. Don't be afraid to have routines but also don't be afraid to switch things up. This is your person. Trust me, you will even enjoy their presence without doing a single thing.

It is an adjustment, and you’re totally normal to wonder if it will be ok.
If you both are kind hearted people who want the best for each other, chances are it will be a great adventure!
You’ll get to know each other on a deeper level and it will he exciting. There will he challenges of course but that’s with everything worthwhile. Both of us need space so we reassure each other that when we are quiet it’s not because of a problem, that sort of thing. It’s a big change, one of the biggest in life, so don’t worry that you are a bit worried!

Ive been living with my now fiancé for almost 10 years now or something lol. You lose track after a while. We do date nights, and sometimes to keep it Spicy we take separate cars and pretend like its our first date. He doesn’t see my makeup/outfit until I arrive at the restaurant etc. I was hesitant to try this at first because its odd but it totally works lol I dont know why but it does. It keeps things feeling fresh. Surprises also keeps things spicy. Doesn’t have to be sexy surprises either. It can be even nice little notes we sometimes put in each others lunch packs etc. sometimes I even tape a quick I love you drive safe note on his steering wheel so when he gets in to drive to work he sees it. Keep trying new things together. We’re currently trying to learn French together. To sum it up my most important tip.... DONT BE LAZY ABOUT UOUR RELATIONSHIP. Yes there will be times where you both will get lazy, but don’t make it a habit. The second things feel boring it’s because they are. Dont accept it. Change it the second you feel bored. Because no matter how strong your love is there are days you will feel bored. We’re human. And most of all Keep the faith! ♥️

In addition as far as the “abandoning you family” feeling... typically this is what parents want from their children. To find love and make grandbabies. They are still 100% a part of life but it’s time for you to take the reins girl! If you plan on having kids, look forward to the exciting things, like telling your mom you’re pregnant and the gender reveal parties etc. judging from your post it seems like your parents did a great job raising you and you care for them deeply. Take that same love and energy they’ve shown you and apply that to thinking about your future with your husband And how you will parent if you choose to have children. The greatest gift you could probably get to your parents would be to show them that you are ready to be an adult and use the tools they’ve given you.

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Thanks for sharing your experience with me! It's a pretty normal thing to eventually not live with parents and I'm seeing eventually everyone adjusts even though it does feel really scary and saddening. Best wishes!

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Wow, thank you for that insightful advice and trust me, I'll be always keeping what you've said in mind! You have no idea how helpful this is to me, truly. I'm struggling with these emotions so much and reading what you're saying calms my nerves. I'm sure once we build habits and traditions, it'll feel like home. Thank you so much

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Thank you SOOOOO much for taking the time to type all of this because I'm definitely saving it and internalizing it. I see the importance in everything you've mentioned. I'm glad that living with your fiance turned out to be an amazing experience! Best of wishes to you and him!!!

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So it really does work! Will absolutely be incorporating these things into my life as I'm transitioning. Traveling is what I'm looking most forward to!! Thank you for replying, God bless

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Wow! Thank you for sharing your experience with me and relating to my feelings because it does feel like a lot. Yes, I agree, dinnertime is a great way to bond and establish routines. Thank you for your advice, it means so much to me!!! Best of Wishes!!

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Awwww, even with the cats, a mini family, that's so cute! Imagining such a thing does make me feel a lot more better about it all. I'm thankful to you for sharing your experience with me because it helps me immensely! Thank you! I'll keep everything you've said in mind. Best wishes to you and your FH!

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Yes, I agree with you completely! It's a major step in life and it really has me in my feels. It's gonna happen sooner or later... Thank you for sharing your advice with me, it's super helpful!

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WOW, TEN YEARS! I gotta know your secret! I love that you said to never get lazy and putting effort in relationships no matter how many years go by I love everything you've mentioned and will be taking it into consideration!

For my family and parents, yeah I'm really close with them and home has been with them for the longest. Thank you for encouraging me and inspiring me to make them proud by showing the adult they've raised me to become!

I really appreciate you taking the time to respond to me, it means the world to me. Much love and blessings to you!

View Quoted Comment ♥️🙏 god bless

We lived together before getting married. But after living together for 3+ years, the best way to keep things from becoming morning or monotonous is to date your spouse! Continue to do nice, cute things for one another. Try new things together. But also keep some time for yourselves. This is what we do and I can honestly say I’ve never been bored.