Life Decisions...

Marriage is all about communication and making big decisions together. He needs to listen and respect your needs, just as you have respected his. If you feel like adding this dog to your household right now is too much for you, and if you are the one caring for the dogs most often (which is what it sounds like), he needs to respect that.

Yes definitely have a talk with him and let him know that you compromised with everything else but you don't feel that this is the best time to add another dog into your home.

I would probably compromise and tell him if he wants to keep the GS then maybe he should pay for him to be in doggy daycare while you're working from home.

I can understand how you feel. I never really put my foot down with hubby until recently. He wanted a big 92 person wedding and I wanted 50 people or less. COVID happened and we ended up having a small 7 person wedding like I wanted. I should've spoke my mind or else we wouldn't be waiting for refunds from our venue. Also, I dont like people staying over, guests n friends go home at the end of the night. Well he doesnt mind. I compromised and let his friend n his FW stay over on halloween, well she drank too much n puked all over our bathroom, kitchen sink and $900 leather couch. If they would have stayed the night in a hotel or just went home this wouldn't have happened. So we spoke about this Tuesday, how we need to be on the same page and how I need to be more assertive with how I feel, since when I dont bring up my feelings, certain events play out. Def speak up and talk with your hubby. Your feelings matter, especially if you're the one taking care of the dog.

Solving these kinds of conflicts has been the hardest part of my relationship by far. FH and I are both pretty headstrong and we don't like when we feel like our perspective isn't being taken into account, which leads to some big arguments (usually over important things, but not more important than the relationship). What I have found genuinely helpful is arguing as the other side in the conflict (your spouse argues against keeping the dog, you argue for it). It's so hard but really really helpful. I have also found it helpful to start the argument with restating that you two are a team and that you are working together to find a solution that works best for you as a team. It helps me get out of the "I'm losing, he is winning" mentality that I can sometimes get in. Talking about how you feel is also very powerful, and not repeating yourself, which I find really hard when I feel like I'm not being heard. When you can, repeat his points and reiterate that you understand them, even if you don't agree with them. I tend to think in relationships that if the argument is a "do it or don't do it" one that the best option most of the time is just to not do it (in this case, don't keep the dog), but that isn't always the case, so it will be good for you and your spouse to fully talk it out. I don't think your position is unreasonable so don't feel like it's bad to argue respectfully about this.

So there are definitely large communications here that should be addressed in the marriage. Relating to this specific situation though, what are you going to do with the dog if you get rid of it? It's already been rehomed, you had to have known some of the difficulty that was going to come along with it. I'd be concerned about rehoming the dog yet again - do you even know anyone willing to take him?

I can’t speak to the communication portion, but I can speak to the German Shepard. This dog was poorly taken care of (by the sounds of it) and he was just put in a home with another dog that he isn’t used to. If it were me, I would give it a few more days before making a decision. I also have a golden retriever and through my research, I have found dogs of the opposite gender are better together. Maybe it would work out for the best🤷🏻‍♀️

As Arianna said, and to quote Tia from Pitbulls and Parolees - don't put two female dogs together.

That said, your husband doesn't seem to listen to you? Even on big financial decisions?

So, I think it's time to bring up counseling, because your communication styles keep missing each other, and that would help. DH and I went to counseling when we were dating/living together, because we wanted to learn to communicate more effectively, and it was amazing.

Right now, though, I suggest you take a day "off". He stays home and deals with the dogs, meals, and other household work, while you go out to run errands, do stuff for your new business, and take care of yourself. Once he realizes how high-energy this dog is, and how it fights with your established pet, he may listen a bit more.

I feel like this post is more about your marriage than a dog. I would recommend a marriage counselor and go from there. Regarding the dog, we have a GS and he is the best dog in the entire world.
Best wishes 🤍

View Quoted Comment I totally agree. I honestly feel bad for Konan I nelieve was the GS name. He's just been uprroted from what he's known as home and has had no proper care or training I assume from the weight and the potty issues. And he's only a year old I can only imagine how he feels. I hope things works out on all ends.

I love dogs and volunteer with a rescue. I've fostered four dogs (we decided to keep the last one and have had him for 4+ years now).

This dog is NOT a good fit for your home. It is not your responsibility to make up for your friend's uncle's shortcomings. German Shepherds are very intelligent and very active and need ample exercise, training, and socialization. Undersocialized German Shepherds can tend to lack confidence and react out of nervousness and fear, and Shepherds that don't get adequate exercise and training are often destructive. Shepherds are generally best for experienced dog owners and need structure. Your friend's uncle had no business owning a Shepherd and thus the dog is a bit of a hot mess.

If your husband wants the dog and isn't willing to take Konan to training, take him on long walks/hikes/runs daily to get his energy out, work on socializing him appropriately with others, etc and as a result you have to deal with the craziness all day because you are the one home, then that isn't fair. Shepherds aren't a great fit for apartments/townhomes/condos, etc and if they are going to be kept in smaller spaces then the owner needs to put in a fair amount of effort to ensure they get enough exercise. Its definitely doable, but a lot of work!

The best thing to do is find a home (or a rescue) that is equipped to deal with this dog - that can provide it with ample exercise, training, mental stimulation, and opportunities for socialization, and that is familiar with the breed. There are breed specific rescues all over and finding one that is German Shepherd specific will likely ensure the dog is placed in a suitable home. Working with a breed specific rescue by volunteering can also better prepare you to own a Shepherd in the future. The rescue I work with specializes in Rottweilers and Pit Bulls (although we do get dogs of all varieties from time to time) and there are countless people who've "had dogs their whole life" but are unprepared to deal with anything but easy, even tempered, well trained animals and not ready for a rescue dog of a more challenging breed. Many people want German Shepherds, Siberian Huskies, Australian Shepherds, etc because they look cool but aren't ready to put in the effort to own a working breed.

Also, it's not uncommon for dogs do to best with dogs of the opposite sex (even when spayed/neutered), so if you already have a female Golden it might actually be worth considering a male dog for your next dog. Some dogs are fine with playmates of any sex, but in general male-female pairings do better than male-male or female-female.

As for big life decisions, I think you need to sit down and have a heart to heart about those things. It's one thing to get a motorcycle - you can forget about it and leave it to rust in the garage and no one gets hurt. When another life is involved though, those decisions cannot just be made in a rush because of what is at stake. Keeping a dog that isn't suited for your home could result in you or your dog getting injured, the new dog causing a lot of costly damage, or even the dog getting out and possibly hurting a neighbor's kid and a lawsuit coming your way. If aren't both 100% in and don't have the time, money, energy, or space to train this dog properly, then you should find Konan a new home. It isn't fair to you, your Golden, your relationship, or Konan.

If push comes to shove, he can come home and find the German Shepherd gone ,to which you can respond in a number of ways, including the classic "Oh, he went to live at a farm nearby". There comes a point you have to assert yourself, or you are always going to find yourself giving in on these types of issues. If this pup is impacting your ability to work, then it definitely has to go. Good luck!