Devoted September 2018

Life Altering Decisions..... (health related)

OldSchoolKindaLove, on March 3, 2020 at 5:40 PM Posted in Married Life 0 5
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Some have followed my posts, others have not. For those who have not, my husband and I had a very rough first year of marriage which almost ended in divorce. Through faith, counseling, and the Grace of God we weathered the storm and came out stronger in the end.

Our second year of marriage has brought joy, happiness, and many blessings. We recently purchased our dream home and despite some difficulties, it's been an amazing blessing. We intend on having our housewarming party soon, and are looking forward to the many years and projects to come.

Since I was a young lady I have had difficulties with my cycles. Everything from heavy flow, agonizing cramps, birth control complications and failures, surgical cyst removal, etc. Last year after beginning to see a new doctor, we discussed the option of a hysterectomy. After the first ultrasound, to ensure everything was structurally sound, it was determined that a cyst could be causing some of my issues, we made the decision to do further testing. I have had multiple ultrasounds done to monitor the cyst(s). It was discussed with my doctor that the while the cyst(s) could cause complications she suspected it was most likely my uterus not functioning properly.

Today was my annual check-up. She asked how my cycles were doing. I explained that not much has changed. She is very laid back and easy going so she responded jokingly "Dang, your uterus sucks" we both laughed about it. She told me there was a medication she recommended me try. This medication helps control the blood loss and has even helped some patients shorten their time-span of their cycle. Apparently its been around for years, it's just not used to it's full advantage.

Anyway, after we discussed how to treat the symptoms of my condition she informed me that the only cure/solution would be a hysterectomy, most likely a partial. Then came the awkward question..Do you want kids? I must admit I have days where I am convinced I do not want children, then there are days where I am on the fence.....I basically haven't made up my mind. However my husband has always wanted children, so my only answer was I'm not sure. She informed me that she could treat the symptoms, but the only way to get relief would be a hysterectomy. So for now we are treating the symptoms....until my husband and I can make a decision.

I am wondering if anyone has advice, or has gone through something similar. What advice do you have or wish you had prior to making a final decision?


Latest activity by OldSchoolKindaLove, on March 4, 2020 at 9:44 AM
  • Rebelle Fleur
    Rockstar July 2021
    Rebelle Fleur ·
    • Flag
    If it’s necessary you can always freeze your eggs and have a surrogate or adopt. If it’s something you can live with and not completely debilitating maybe you can try to have children or a child sooner than later then have the hysterectomy.
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag

    This isn't really helpful, but I wouldn't have married someone who wanted children if I wasn't sure that was something that I was interested in. That's the kind of thing that can make or break a marriage. You obviously shouldn't have children if you don't want them, but it's also not fair for your husband to miss out on something so big. I think you, and you alone, need to decide if you want kids. Then, for me, it would be important to make sure that I could get pregnant and that a pregnancy would be safe for both me and the baby, given your medical history. If it would be life threatening to either of us, pregnancy wouldn't be an option for me.

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  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
    • Flag
    I had (still have) uterine fibroids (heavy bleeding, etc) At an early age I was told I could never get pregnant. I resolved early on that if I wanted children I would adopt.

    In my Mid 30s I got pregnant and had 3 miscarriages (miracle pregnancies), I was told my only solution was a hysterectomy. I spoke to my GYN and we talked about other options before a HYS. So we did surgery and removed 14 fibroids (1 the size of a soccer ball). Even went into early menopause and thought I could get pregnant, it didn’t happen. Ultimately I decided / resolved once again - adoption. I had one more surgery which gave me permanent BC (releases hormones) and uterine ablation- I can tell you, personally I’m sad I did the latter procedure, but at the same time I don’t think mentally I could’ve survived another miscarriage.
    It’s a difficult decision, but at the end of the day your health should come first. But it’s a decision you and your husband should make together.
    • Reply
  • Kate
    Expert October 2020
    Kate ·
    • Flag

    I have stage 3 endometriosis, PCOS & uterine fibroids. I suffer from many of the same symptoms. As much as I would love to bore my own children, I have had to put my health first and decide what's right for me so I can live the quality of life I deserve to. In my opinion, you should be putting your health first and having children secondary. There are at least 500,000 children in foster care in America and there is always the option of welcoming one of those kids into your life if you decide you want babies. Smiley heart

    • Reply
  • OldSchoolKindaLove
    Devoted September 2018
    OldSchoolKindaLove ·
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    This was discussed prior to marriage. My husband knew my medical history and my concerns about having children prior to our marriage. It was discussed multiple times, and he said he could live without having children. This was discussed prior to our engagement and more extensively throughout our engagement. Months before our wedding I told him if he felt like he couldn't live without having children and wanted to find a woman who wanted them just as badly as he did I would understand. I wanted to be as fair to him as possible, and not miss out on something as big and important as a child/children.

    I am sure the doctor would gladly meet with me and my husband should our decision be to have a child. I am sure all risks, complications, etc would be explained to us both.

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