ASMini914
Super September 2019

“Letter” to guests with invite?

ASMini914, on June 6, 2019 at 1:49 PM Posted in Parties and Events 0 20
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Hi everyone! looking for some feedback here. The backstory: my FMIL is insistent that we organize a welcome event for guests the night before the wedding. This is not something that will be hosted, and FH and I will not be there the entire time (rehearsal dinner). most of our guests are from out of state, so we will not be inviting them all to the RD, but want to recommend a place for them to congregate, and we plan to spend ~1 hour (maybe more) between the rehearsal and the dinner there.

The current thought is to have this at the hotel in the lobby area where there is a bar and food can be ordered. It is agreed that this is not something we will be collecting RSVPs for, however FMIL (and unfortunately now FH) feel that this should be included as information on our formal invitations (I feel strongly that it should not and I’m very annoyed by this). Our invitations need to be finalized and ordered in the next week, and I don’t feel comfortable putting details on the invitation for something that we are not hosting, are not collecting an rsvp for, and are not planning on staying at for more than 2 hours.

Im planning to compromise, currently on the non-finalized invites we have a blurb on the back of the invite that mentions visiting our wedding website for travel and hotel info (not that specific wording). My thought would be to expand this into some sort of letter to our guests that would say:

Dear Friends and Family,

We are both so excited to share our wedding day with you, and hope that you will be able to attend. We realize that many of you may be traveling from out of town, and want to make things as easy for you as possible. Please visit our wedding website, xxxxx, or contact us for details on travel to the Boston area, accommodations, transportation on the day of our wedding, and a welcome get together on Friday evening.

We hope to see you soon!

Love,

x & x

Looking for any thoughts/feedback before I bring this idea up to them. Also, do you think this would be better on the back of the invite, back of the reception card, or would you print this on a completely different piece of paper to include?

20 Comments

  • Formerbride
    VIP June 2019
    Formerbride ·
    I agree that you shouldn't put specific details of this non hosted event with your invitations. I think it might cause confusion. I think a great compromise is to offer the wedding website link for details. The blurb you plan to put on the back of the invite looks fine to me. Maybe on the website you could call it a guest gathering or something. I would also put that to will "pop in" to temper expectations.
  • Cristy
    Rockstar May 2020
    Cristy ·

    I think if FMIL is insisting this happen (because you and FH don't have enough to do the night before your wedding), then SHE should be the one organizing it, and letting folks know about it. Having said that, I don't think it should be printed on your invitations. I'm with you on that point, you aren't hosting it, you aren't paying for anything, and you aren't collecting RSVPs for it. I do think you could include that information on a detail card that goes with the invitation, and of course, put it on your website. I like the wording of your sample letter too.

    Don't let FMIL bully you about this. It's one more thing that is nice, but totally unnecessary. Focus on what is really important. Good luck.

  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·

    I think that it'd be okay on the back of the invite, or a separate "details" card.

  • Sherry
    VIP September 2019
    Sherry ·

    If there is already something on the invites directing guests to your website, I don't think I would mention anything about it on the invitation but be sure that all the information is on the website. Between the website and word of mouth, I would assume the word would reach everyone. If you do want to include something on the invitation, I would have it on a separate insert vs on the back, in case people don't look on the back.

  • Emily
    Expert April 2020
    Emily ·

    Are you providing welcome bags to your out of town guests in their hotel room? If so, that would be a good spot to put it.


    I totally agree that if you are not hosting it, it should not be included in the formal invitation - that gives the impression that are you hosting it. If your FMIL feels so strongly about it, I agree - she should host it.

  • E
    Dedicated July 2020
    Emily ·
    I would just say visit our website for wedding and travel details and put it on there. I think it sounds too wordy to be honest and agree that I wouldnt want that on my invitations. On the website you can say something along the lines of “While we rehearse the big day, please feel free to meet other out of town guests in the ‘such and such hotel bar’ for a casual drink and bite to eat. The bride and groom will be stopping by around (whatever time) to say hello.” Inviting but ensures it’s casual and not a formally hosted event.
  • ASMini914
    Super September 2019
    ASMini914 ·
    You are all making me feel so much better, I was honestly beginning to think I was a crazy person.

    To answer/respond to some of the PPs... I asked if this is something she would help plan, answer was “no”, I also suggested we put an insert in welcome bags, and spread through word of mouth, response was “what if people get there too late, don’t look, or have already made other plans (reasonable point), and that someone will be offended if they don’t hear about it. If it was just fMIL, wouldn’t be an issue but now FH feels like we need a good way of letting people actually know. He literally said “what if someone is traveling from out of town but staying with a family member the man they won’t see it” (then why would they want to go sit in a hotel lobby??)

    i think im going to tell them we will have a seperate insert with a letter of sorts similar to what I wrote above that addresses all of the things we are doing (hotel block, shuttle, after party, etc) and directing people to our website.
  • ASMini914
    Super September 2019
    ASMini914 ·
    View Quoted Comment
    I love this wording thank you!!!
  • Kelly
    Super October 2019
    Kelly ·

    I agree that I wouldn't put it on the invite. Back of invite or separate detail card if at all. I like the above wording above, however I would try to add no-host somewhere in the description, as I think if I read it with the invitation I might think that this was something that B&G was paying for, for the out of town guests.

  • Pattie
    Devoted June 2020
    Pattie ·

    I agree that it should not be on the invite itself. Tacky. I do like the idea of your little letter on either the back of the invite OR separate. I wouldn't put it on the back of the RSVP because they will be sending those back to you and will not have it to reference.

  • ASMini914
    Super September 2019
    ASMini914 ·
    View Quoted Comment
    Right? So tacky! I don’t understand why she is so focused on this one thing... we have a card that we are including that isn’t the rsvp, but a reception card, it basically lists details about the time/location of the reception (even though it’s all at the same venue so now idk why I felt like I needed it) that I may put it on the back of... or even shorten and include on the front.
  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·

    I would not put this on your invitation or even the back of your invitation. In fact, I would not add this to a details card either. The reason is because it appears as though you are inviting them to something that you are hosting. The expectation is that you will pay. You can put this information on your website and spread it by word of mouth. Anything else would create an expectation that they are invited to a hosted event.

  • Future Mrs Sullivan
    Expert June 2019
    Future Mrs Sullivan ·
    I agree with PPs. An insert card would be perfect but keep it simple. We are having a “welcome gathering” and only reference it on our website. Ours will not be hosted like yours.
  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·

    I wouldn't call it a welcome dinner, because you are not hosting (and thus not welcoming). I'd say something more like, "Some of our guests are having dinner at X Place at Y time, and we will be dropping by to greet them. You are welcome to join them if you like."

  • Margaret
    Dedicated June 2020
    Margaret ·
    I agree. As I was reading this, I was thinking it was something you could write on website or out in welcome bags at hotel?
  • ASMini914
    Super September 2019
    ASMini914 ·
    View Quoted Comment
    Right, I didn’t call it a dinner because it’s not a dinner but thanks!
  • Umgani
    Dedicated July 2019
    Umgani ·

    We're doing something similar, I made it a separate event on my wedding website (through Zola, not WW, but I'm sure WW has as similar feature).

    As a warning, we were initially thinking it would be similar to you where it would be casual and not hosted, but once we realized how many people we were going to invite, we ended up booking a space at a local brewery so people would have somewhere to sit and there would be some order to it.

    I personally don't think you should do it if you won't be there for the entire time - what would be the point, people are there to see you and your SO.

  • kittycow
    Expert December 2015
    kittycow ·
    View Quoted Comment
    I think the term no host should be used as well since there's no room for confusion.
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    View Quoted Comment
    THIS. So much. Honestly, if you’re not hosting/paying for it I would consider skipping. If your MIL wants to host something for her out of town family, she can do it.
  • Ashley
    Dedicated July 2021
    Ashley ·

    That sounds pretty good to me but I don't really understand the point for it all... But All I can say is you just do whats best for you. Don't let anyone tell you what to do

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