Joint Bridal Shower Etiquette

I fully agree with the above. COVID shouldn't be an excuse to be rude. I would get them a card and small gift but only if you would have gifted them whether you were invited to anything or not. Honestly, I probably wouldn't go to either event if I wasn't invited to the wedding, i'd feel very weird about that.

I totally agree with Sharon on this! This situation makes me cringe, honestly, because I'm putting myself in your shoes, and I don't think I would appreciate being invited to "shower" the couple with gifts but not actually invited to witness their wedding & celebrate with them. If I were in this situation, I would probably get them a congratulatory card and a small gift if I planned to attend the shower.

This is a weird situation. If you are chipping in to host either event or paying your way to attend the couples weekend, I don't think any gift is necessary at all. If someone is hosting you (providing paid meals or experiences) for you to attend or you feel like giving something, I think a thoughtful card and a small or modest gift certificate to the couple's favorite restaurant or date night spot is more than appropriate.

I can totally see a couple forced into doing a smaller event for family safety reasons wanting to find an alternative way to celebrate with friends, so even though weird, to me it is less weird if they are actually hosting a party (providing food, drinks, entertainment, etc) and you are an invited guest who just needs to show up, indulge, and have fun. But if they aren't spending money on you, you don't need to spend money on them, IMO.

All of that is rude. They are having you subsidize the costs of pre wedding events without inviting you to the actual event. I'd decline on all of it. Also the honeymoon fund means they want your $.

I agree with Jacks - I would decline all of the invitations and not send a gift.