Jessica
Just Said Yes August 2019

Is a joint bachelor/bachelorette party a good idea....?

Jessica , on April 7, 2019 at 12:09 AM Posted in Parties and Events 0 32
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I’m trying to get my fiancé on board for a joint bachelor/bachelorette party but he’s not very receptive. I love my fiancé’s friends and we always have a great time when we’re together. I’ve known a few of them outside of my relationship with my fiancé and they truly are my friends as well. A few of my bridesmaids are friends with his groomsmen as well. I just feel we’d all have more fun together than apart. I don’t want my fiancé to think i’m needy, or I don’t trust him. I also don’t want to overstep or take something away from him that’s important.

Thoughts?

32 Comments

Latest activity by John, on September 13, 2019 at 9:01 AM
  • Kiki
    Super May 2019
    Kiki ·
    • Flag

    You're not supposed to be planning your own pre wedding events that's the job for your bridal party so if they happen to talk to his groomsmen and they all agree I don't see a problem with it.

    The point of those parties though are to bring you closer with your friends and celebrating them and you getting married you and the groom celebrate yourselves at your wedding.

    • Reply
  • Hermione
    Expert February 2020
    Hermione ·
    • Flag
    No on so many levels

    1. This is your bridal party's job

    2. You need to have an identity away from your partner

    3. This does take away from him

    4. It does look need and untrusting.

    5. It's supposed to be a girls night or day out.
    • Reply
  • Sherry
    Master September 2019
    Sherry ·
    • Flag
    Go for it. Coed parties have become pretty popular.
    • Reply
  • Heather
    Savvy April 2022
    Heather ·
    • Flag
    I disagree with the other responses so far - I definitely think a joint party could work and your wedding party will be grateful for any input you give them. However, your FH really needs to be on board, and it doesn't sound like he wants to do the joint thing.

    Maybe you could do the traditional split events, but plan them for the same day so you could either start or end together? I've seen that work successfully a couple of times where the bride and groom had a very close co-ed group of friends and started with a bbq together with some games and then the groups separated for the rest of the night.

    Good luck, and I hope you both have a blast at whatever gets planned!
    • Reply
  • Summerbride77
    VIP July 2019
    Summerbride77 ·
    • Flag
    Co-Ed parties are becoming more common, but tbh I wouldn’t want a one and I think you should respect you FH desire to not want one. I think the bachelorette party is a great opportunity to celebrate you and your great friendships separate from your FH. That doesn’t mean you can have some guest list over lap!
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    This. And let your friends plan a party for you, if they want to. And his for him, if they want to do it. Or one of you may not have one at all. That is, if you want a bachelorette planned in your honor. If you want to plan one yourselves, then YOU PLAN, and YOU Pay, any meals, admissions, and lodgings if overnight, and any bar drinks. >>> FOR EVERYBODY. Because now it is a Hosts Pay all party expenses paid for all by B and G. Not given by friends who pay their own way.
    • Reply
  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
    • Flag
    I disagree with people. My FH and I both want a joint party as well. We discussed this with MOH and best man, they both agreed it would be fun. Our bridal party is very spread across the country. So MOH and best man are happy to have someone else to help with their planning. May of been unconventional the way we went about it. Plus everyone can get to know each other. I think it's a great idea!!!!
    • Reply
  • Victoria
    VIP October 2018
    Victoria ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree with most of this. If your FH wants his own night out with just his guys, I think you should let him have it. If he was on board that would be different, but he's not. You'll celebrate all together at your reception and I'm sure you'll have plenty more opportunities to see his friends in the future as a married couple.
    • Reply
  • Formerbride
    VIP June 2019
    Formerbride ·
    • Flag
    If your FH was interested, I would say go for it. Since it seems he is not, let it go. Everyone has different needs and wants. If he would like to spend time with the guys, nbd. My FH doesn't want a bachelor party. I'm not going to force him or force people to throw him one.
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag

    There's nothing wrong with joint parties, but if your FH isn't interested, you shouldn't try to convince him. He's entitled to his own time with his friends.

    • Reply
  • Marieke
    Expert June 2019
    Marieke ·
    • Flag
    We’re having one! Our BP sounds like yours: they’re all friends, their SOs are all friends, we’ve all hung out as a big group before and we all get along and have a great time. We’re going away for a long weekend and renting an Airbnb. My MOH and FH’s BM have been planning it together. It’s going to be way more fun with everyone! However we are going to go our separate ways one night, something FH and I both insisted on.

    FH and I wanted a joint party. If your FH doesn’t, I wouldn’t push it. This is his party too. Maybe go out to eat together as a big party and then let your bridesmaids take you away and let him have fun with his guys.
    • Reply
  • Victoria
    Super May 2019
    Victoria ·
    • Flag
    We’re having one as well! We all have the same friends and hang out all the time ☺️ But I agree that if your FH doesn’t want one then don’t push him on it.

    • Reply
  • Lizzy
    Super October 2019
    Lizzy ·
    • Flag
    We were planning this, but now I think my girls are planning a mini getaway. We were going to do half the day together and then split. It makes sense for use because most of our friends are shared at this point
    • Reply
  • October2019
    Dedicated October 2019
    October2019 ·
    • Flag
    That sounds like a great idea! We are doing a co wedding shower and skipping the bachelorette and bachelor parties but if I were to have one it would be both of us there. Now if your FH doesn't want it that's different. Plan it if you want or ask your friends to plan it.
    • Reply
  • Anna
    Dedicated September 2021
    Anna ·
    • Flag
    I e been to a joint bachelorette before! It was similar situation where everyone was friends and it was super fun! The maid of honor found a house by a lake that we all chipped in for and we grilled some food, played games, had a campfire, went to the lake and at night some people went to bed and some ended up watching movies. It was probably the best bachelorette I’ve been to. So try to find something you guys both love doing together. The couple that did theirs didn’t want the typical “strip club” or drinking, dancing in clubs night, so when maid of honor suggested. A nice weekend by the lake they both were super excited.
    • Reply
  • C
    Super July 2019
    Crystal ·
    • Flag
    To each his own. I'm looking forward to a girls night out. Only male with us will be my best friend who's in my bridal party. I wouldn't personally wanna share my night out. Maybe he just wants time with his friends before married life.
    • Reply
  • Kalie
    Dedicated June 2020
    Kalie ·
    • Flag
    I think it is definitely important to see what he wants. Maybe he really wants to have just the guys. However, if you think it’ll be more fun altogether and it could possibly be cheaper for everyone involved, I think that’s a great idea.
    • Reply
  • Kristen
    VIP June 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag
    It sounds like your FH doesn’t want this, so you shouldn’t expect him to change his mind.

    FH and I would not want a joint one, but we also aren’t wanting the stereotypical Bach parties. We have already told our MOH and Best Man no strip clubs, no travel out of town (at least not far),no bar hopping, etc. FH wants to go to six flags and then play video games, and ideally I’d like a spa day or wine tasting.
    • Reply
  • Wendy
    Beginner September 2021
    Wendy ·
    • Flag

    I think this a great idea. I ve heard of this in the past, they rented a house near a beach and had a chef come in and cook for them everyday. Most of the people in the wedding party were in serious relationships and it was just better for everyone- plus you can splurge on something nicer for your wedding party and treat them to a nice experience.


    • Reply
  • Expert May 2021
    ·
    • Flag
    We’re doing a coed party. Most of his friends spouses/significant others are also my friends. I also don’t drink so who doesn’t want the one and only dd to go along? 😆 I’m not expecting my MOH to pay for a party or his BM to pay for one. We did a coed when his buddy got married and everyone paid towards a party bus and we went to the wineries. Everyone had a blast. We’re planning on doing the same and then hosting a bon fire later that night at our house with some food. The day before the wedding the men might go for an early round of golf and I’m sure the girls and I will do some last minute nails or something before we head out to the rehearsal so he will get a little guy time that’s wedding related I guess. Lol. He’s also asked me to set up an old fashion shave for him and the groomsmen the morning of the wedding. Is there a reason he doesn’t want coed? My FH and I don’t do the whole strip club or male review scene so that might be why mine was more on board with the coed.
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