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Hillari
Just Said Yes October 2024

How do we ask for money? Instead of gifts.

Hillari, on February 18, 2024 at 6:55 PM Posted in Registry 0 36
We already have everything we need for our house/ life. But we could use help getting a nice honeymoon.

36 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on March 28, 2024 at 3:56 PM
  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    It goes against etiquette to ask for money from your guests. The best way to convey what you want would be not to register at all, and then have family (if asked) pass the word that you're saving for a honeymoon. People know to give money at weddings for the most part anyway.

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  • D
    Beginner July 2028
    Daisy ·
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    Consider creating a honeymoon fund or registry where guests can contribute to specific experiences or activities. Online platforms allow you to customize your registry and share it with wedding guests, providing an alternative to traditional gifts.

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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Downside to this is that the company takes a cut of the money. In addition it's deceptive in that guests are led to believe they are gifting specific experiences like a balloon ride but in reality the couple just gets cash.

    People know to give cash.

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  • R
    Rockstar
    Rosebud ·
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    I guess it depends on your circle but most people in my circle give physical gifts for the bridal shower and money for the wedding. Personally I would not ask for money and honeymoon fund sites often charge a fee/take a small percent so be sure to read the fine print. But you do what works best for you and your partner. Good luckSmiley heart

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  • C
    CM Online ·
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    You don’t. Your vacation, your responsibility. IMO it’s always inappropriate to ask for money, which is all a honeymoon registry is, minus fees. I agree they can also be quite deceptive.


    Don’t register. If anyone asks around then you or loved ones can say you have everything you need for the home but are saving for whatever. I also agree that people know or can figure out how to give money.

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  • C
    Savvy August 2024
    Carrie ·
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    I'm not registering, we also want money towards our honeymoon. Tell ur bridesmaids, and parents, whomever to spread the word and have a honeymoon fund jar or what not my ur card Box or dessert table.
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  • C
    CM Online ·
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    Putting a jar or hand out for cash is something more appropriate to someone truly needy, whether on a GoFund me site or a street corner. It’s a wedding, not a fundraiser. If people want to give money they will. And if despite no registry, they want to give a physical gift because they consider money traditionally impersonal or inappropriate they can.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    There is no polite way to do that. Many social circles do not give cash gifts and find it offensive in any form.


    A honeymoon is a first vacation as a married couple. Whatever that costs, and many have one at home for $0. Guests are never required or obligated under any circumstances to pay for it. Have the honeymoon you can afford with your own finances, even if that’s a staycation and then you save up your own money for a nice anniversary vacation in the future.
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  • S
    March 2024
    Sarah ·
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    I am doing a cash fund. Money instead of gifts isn't greedy. People give as much as they want to. How I'm doing it is on my wedding website I wrote: "We plan on living together in Japan. In light of that, we are not looking for specific physical objects, as buying them in Japan would be more practical. Cash, gift cards, or donations would be appreciated, but if there is something outside of that that you want to give, contact FH"
    Then I listed charities like doctors without borders, malaria consortium which gives bed nets in Africa, New Incentives which give vaccines and a link to pay me with paypal.
    I think getting a ton a stuff is materialistic, and if you want to put your student or credit card debt, it's a wiser use of money than an air frier.
    And people can donate to save babies in Africa which is the opposite as greedy.
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  • Hillari
    Just Said Yes October 2024
    Hillari ·
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    Oh nice ok♥️
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  • C
    CM Online ·
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    It's not greedy, but it is inappropriate. If you want to give money to a charity that's great, but it has nothing to do with your wedding or your guests. If you have no need or want for any physical gifts, don't register, and donate any money that you receive as gifts on your own.

    It is never acceptable to make any first person mention of gifts at all since you are not supposed to be thinking in those terms or acting as if gifts are an entitlement or an expectation on your part. That goes double for anything monetary, no matter how good the cause is. A wedding is not a fundraiser, or the time and the place to direct others on how or where to spend their money.

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  • A
    Beginner September 2024
    Alexandra ·
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    I’m reading a lot of comments and I must say I highly disagree with most of you. I have done research on proper etiquette for a wedding and a registry is proper to add. No one has to give, but the option is there. You’re forgetting that a wedding costs thousands and when people throw huge “random” parties there’s always a cover fee just to get in, food not included. A wedding is a celebration of love, but most newly -engaged people need help financially and that’s NOT BAD. As a community it is good to give to our younger members so that they can have a little leg-up as they begin their lives together and start a family or buy a home. The rich continue to give while the poor thinks it’s tacky…?


    My recommendation and what I wrote in my wedding registry, “ Your presence at our wedding is the greatest gift of all. If it is still your wish to bless us with a gift, we would appreciate a contribution to our wishing well. ”. Good luck everyone!! 😊
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  • LM
    Super December 2022
    LM ·
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    I don't think we forgot weddings cost thousands at all. Many of us above have already paid for our weddings. If you are not paying for your own wedding, then I guess you have a different experience. I think the main etiquette issue above is: does one ask for gifts and money without offending guests. Outside of wedding registries, it would be deemed impolite to tell any guest how to gift you because you assume they're going to do so automatically. Guests could interpret that assumption that a gift is now required for entry. Wedding guests typically give what they have and happily, and not necessarily because they think a couple is needing of their gifts. Also to add, many couples are not young, wanting to start a family or without families of their own, and/or without property of their own. Many couples today don't register at all because they don't need [insert household item here].

    I do think your blurb is the softest of the bunch though. But, it's prob best to not mention at all because, is there really a need? Are you trying to circumvent a gifted chip bowl that's so ugly it warrants a return trip to Bloomie's?

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  • A
    Beginner September 2024
    Alexandra ·
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    No one has to go to a wedding & no one has to give, but just as a host has proper etiquette so do the guests, if they don’t want to give it’s up to them, it’s an error to assume it’s mandatory. & if you get offended that the wedding couple put a registry of any kind DONT GO, simple as that. If you’re going to complain because putting $20 in an envelope while your plate costs more than $200, then PLEASE do everyone the favor and stay home. We paid for our wedding, I was raised dirt poor and greatly understand the value of a financial injection when needed. Lastly, my guests can read what I wrote and confusion is easily cleared. Their presence is the gift… and we don’t need anything physical, BUT if they STILL want to… here’s how, etc.
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  • C
    CM Online ·
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    We're talking about two different things here. With the exception of the most traditional of etiquette sources, most experts accept the idea of a registry or at least tolerate them. This is about bluntly and directly asking for money. These are two very different things.

    Your need for a "financial injection" has nothing whatsoever to do with the idea of offering hospitality to guests. The wedding reception is meant to be the thanks to guests for attending your wedding. You aren't supposed to be expecting or referring to gifts of any kind on your side, especially cash. From a guest's POV it's different of course as gifts are customary but that's another story.

    Registries themselves are only acceptable because of their arms length nature. Couples don't properly talk about what their guests can give, guests have to search out the registry for themselves. At most you'd have a simple link on the website, nothing about gifts in the comments. People can look up the couple's name for themselves or ask their close friends or family members if there's a registry.

    If you don't register, many people would give money anyway so there's really no point in putting your hand out for it with the risk of offending people. The only other polite option if and only if you are asked about a registry is to say you don't have one because you're saving up for X. The implication of that is a registry belongs to the couple as a convenience for them to collect things they need. They aren't directly asking for anything.

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  • LM
    Super December 2022
    LM ·
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    You're putting the blame on the guests for being offended by what you do?? You, as the Host, should strive to not offend YOUR guests. That is the spirit and responsibility of good etiquette. And if you don't care if your guests come to your wedding, then you were careless in selecting your guest list or aiming for a gift grab. You are promoting your tactics here on WW because in your mind, it was successful in getting what YOU wanted. But, polite circles that don't discuss money, won't tell you to your face that you acted gosh. They just disappear back into social circles of their own.

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  • A
    Beginner September 2024
    Alexandra ·
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    I agree, we are talking about similar things but not the same, I never said I or anyone needs money. The question is how to ask politely if you don’t want or need random gifts for your house and instead you would prefer cash. There is nothing bad about it, no one is asking for you to buy anything just by putting an option on their website & again I state if you get offended by the wedding couple putting a registry DONT go, cuz I’m sure the wedding couple wouldn’t want a guest that would complain about something so trivial and NOT mandatory. Those who can will give and those who can’t will not. Its a celebration and it’s normal to bring gifts in most cultures…moreover I like to be clear with my guests, they don’t have to ask about anything because all the information is readily available on my website.
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  • LM
    Super December 2022
    LM ·
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    I read everything you wrote. You specifically felt the need to remind your guests you need cash (& are poor, your words), so you posted exact instructions preceded by words of love. You manipulated their good intentions via pity and perhaps paternalism. Your justification for bad manners now is that you were poor and need cash, not a chip bowl. But, etiquette and consideration are not only for the rich. That's why we say it's never appropriate to give orders on how lived ones can gift you, if at all.
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  • A
    Beginner September 2024
    Alexandra ·
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    No I said I was raised poor and understand the value of money, please learn to read. Again I say if you are offended by the mere mention of a registry that has been made clear that it’s an option for those who want, then DONT go. I wouldn’t want you near my wedding if you’re here criticizing a wedding couple just for simply mentioning a registry & etiquette goes both ways .. you my dear are a cheap guest .. that complains about pennies when people have spent thousands.
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  • LM
    Super December 2022
    LM ·
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    Yes, your assertion that you deserve something from your guests because you spent XY is tacky. No one owes you anything, incl that friend who doesn't have $20 for you but would have liked to go to support you, but now feels Uber poor after your written statement. The reception is a thank you to your guests for coming to witness your commitment.
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