How do i ask

So I can understand wanting a shower, but you can’t really ask someone to throw it for you. The host should be whoever offers and doesn’t have to be the MOH. It can be family members or other friends or the bridal party. I’d say at this point, I don’t know how they’d even do it. With your wedding less than 3 months from now and showers usually being held 1-3 months before the wedding, they’d have to immediately come up with a plan, find and book a venue and get invitations out ASAP as people would need at least a couple weeks to rsvp.

Perhaps drop hints to your MOHs, Mom or any other close friend/relative you think might be interested in hosting that this is an experience you’d love to have if someone was interested. They might not know that this is important to you. You/they don’t need to book a venue or spend a ton of money.... someone can offer to throw a small/casual shower in their home (or common area if they live in an apartment complex) with light bites.

Just say hey I know you guys are busy so if you were planning on throwing me a shower let me know the date so I can make sure to mark my calendar for it. It's not pressuring it's making a point if they are doing it you want to make sure you devote your full attention to them for it. They can say no we aren't planning anything. If they say no send a similar text to your mother.

I wouldn’t ask members of your bridal party. I think it you’d be better served asking a family member. Generally you aren’t supposed to ask anyone to host these types of events for you, but someone like your mom or another very close relative I think would be much more appropriate than a friend.

I agree with others, that it's not really appropriate to ask someone to host a party for you. If they wanted to, they likely would have offered or at least brought it up by now. That said, as a MOB myself, if you're going to ask anyone, I'd talk with your mom about it if you have that kind of relationship. Back in the "old days," (when I got married 32 yrs ago) it was considered highly inappropriate for the bride's mom to host a shower because it was basically seen the same way as hosting your own party. When daughter got engaged, I realized it was highly unlikely her BMs would be able to host a shower for her, as they live all over the country and are all in their mid-20's and just starting out financially. Getting here for the wedding itself was a lot to expect of them (although, they all gladly did it). I read enough to realize times have changed and it's currently okay for the MOB to host. I offered to plan and pay for the shower, but I sent the invitations on behalf of the BM's and myself (with their okay and input). So, technically, we all "hosted" the shower together (even though 3 of them weren't able to fly in to attend), but they didn't have to do or pay for anything. If I hadn't offered, I would hope that daughter would have mentioned it to me that the girls wouldn't be able to host a shower, so I could consider doing it myself. Good luck!

PS -- I was the one who reached out to the BM's letting them know I was planning and paying for daughter's shower, but wanted them to be included in the planning if they wanted. So, daughter never had to "ask" them to do anything, I "invited" them to participate if they wanted to. They all sent me ideas and suggestions for things they thought daughter would like, and those who couldn't attend sent personal letters for daughter to open and read at the shower so they were "with us in spirit," even if they couldn't be here physically.

As PPs said, you're right for not wanting to straight-up ask for a bridal shower. Ask if there's a shower in the works so you can clear your schedule if need be - kinda beat around the bush politely!

Personally, if it’s coming up to the time when you should be planning a bridal shower and your maids haven’t brought it up, you should reach out to your mom or other family members and see if they would be willing to throw you a shower.
I understand people get busy- that’s why when I asked my maids I said don’t worry, my moms throwing the shower. I just want y’all to be a part of my day.

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Agree with this. Dropping hints to parents doesn't seem as rude. Or a family member/sister.

I think this depends on your relationship with the people involved.

I basically told my best friend "hey you're the MOH, here's an article of all the stuff a MOH typically does, let me know if you have questions or can't make something happen." and it worked out fine. She texts me and asks how involved I want to be in stuff or how elaborate I want something, and I answer her honestly what my expectations are (usually low but there are some things I specifically want, like I think I want a brunch shower). I also told her she should reach out to my mom and grandma to make sure they aren't planning a shower or if they wanted to all team up. None of that was awkward or rude for us.

However, I am a bridesmaid in FH cousin's wedding (a month after ours) and I feel like it'd definitely be a little awkward if she texted me and was like "hey you're the only local BM, please throw me a shower"....we just don't have that kind of relationship.

I dropped a few hints to my maid of honor who was my older sister so I felt comfortable dropping a few hints but I also know she is super busy so I just accepted the month before my wedding that I probably wasn’t going to get one. She ended up doing a tiny surprise bridal shower with about 8 people but it was something. She tried! I was happy

View Quoted Comment I agree with everything you said!

I know my gals aren’t going to throw me one so I’m hosting a simple “bridal party” instead just with drinks and hanging out and doing spray tanning.

Any close friend of the bride, whether she is in the bridal party or not, can host a shower. So can your own family, aunts, grandmother, sisters. Or a family member can work with friends it is not a MOH job. Often MOH volunteer, because they were picked for being close friends. But if MOH are busy, maybe someone else would be interested if they know MOH have no plan to do a shower . My BP was far away my whole 5 month engagement. I had 3 small showers given by different friends, in 3 places a couple of hours drive apart. And my MOH and BMs came as guests to the 4th, given by MOG in NYC, because they were close by in 3 other states. Hint to someone else. Often there are lots of people willing, but everyone is assuming someone else has it covered.

First off, bridal showers are not the responsibility of the bridal party. Any close friend or group of friends, whether in the bridal party or not , and any close female relatives, can offer to give a shower. It often is bridal party, because you chose your bridal party from your closest friends or female family. But 1 bridesmaid, and your first cousin, and some other friend can do it. Or a friend of yours, your future MIL, and your sister . Any assortment. Some prefer it not be all of bridal party because it is in addition to the dress, assessories, HMU and travel. So a broke or busy BM or MOH won't volunteer. Hopefully, another friend will. You must have other friends or female family, since you expect to have guests. If they hear MOH or others have not volunteered, they may offer. But brides do not give parties in their own honor to get presents, it is rude. And saying you want the experience is like a single person saying, I want to have a wedding. First someone has to offer to marry her. No volunteers, no wedding. If none of your friends and family care enough about a shower to offer to give you one, you do not have one. It is not something brides are entitled to have . My bridal party was several states away for my entire 5 1/2 month engagement. Other friends in 3 different places, a few hours apart, each gave a small shower for local friends near them. And my FMIL gave one 350 miles away, and invited my 3 wedding party in surrounding g states as guests. I have done many showers as non-bridal party friend, and have been in a bridal party often when I was the only one interested, and did a shower with a mother, sister or aunt of the bride, or even a pair of bride's best friends. So do not lose hope if your BP do not want to do a shower, just hope someone else does .