Honeymoon/starting a family

You know, we can sit and stress over things to come, over the unknown but what we really should do is take it a day at a time. If you want to be pregnant than try for a baby. If you want a new job with ur brand new master’s degree then apply for ur dream job.
We wanted another baby but instead we planned to get married, I wish we would have done both and had the wedding later. I feel a little sad about the age gap between my daughter & her future sibling. I absolutely did not want to be pregnant during my wedding but look at us now, the church wedding got pushed back & im not willing to wait any longer so I might just be pregnant by October when our wedding was postponed to. So what was the pt in waiting in the first place?
Pregnancy scares me. Im scared to be pregnant and sick & miserable in my first trimester AND working a new job (im not working now and my last pregnancy was terrible). Im scared to be pregnant and sick during my own wedding. But why stress about it, decide what the priority is, try to plan ahead as much as we can but other than that take it a day at a Time.

View Quoted Comment Can I ask you what books you’ve been reading? I’m in the process of finally starting to plan 💕

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Yes! I love reading & planning so my husband gifted me these for my birthday:

What to Expect Before You're Expecting

It Starts With The Egg

I also ordered a Modern Fertility test for me online!

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Well put! My FH & I are planning to start trying on the honeymoon, which right now according to my calendar would be perfect, and baby would come before school starts back. Then I got to thinking about if we didn’t conceive right away then holding off between these months so baby wouldn’t have a late birthday and be in daycare a whole ‘nother year, but babies come in their own timing. And like many, we’re just anxious to become parents.

View Quoted Comment Yep exactly. If timing works out that would be great but, unlike a wedding (lol), it’s not really something you can plan perfectly. It’ll happen when it’s meant to, and you’ll make it work

View Quoted Comment Thank you everyone! Interesting opinions and suggestions. I have been working full-time during my entire schooling and my FH also has a master's degree. I would hope that would lead us in some type of a decent job. It is possible he may be able to transfer in his current company. It would be important to go over budget. By changing to elopement, it has saved us a bit of money. We continue to work as essential workers. I hope that I would be able to get a job that could be suiting; schedule and timing. My goal or thought was to persue in education as a guidance counselor or college counselor. As most have shared, it is possible that getting pregnant may not happen right away. The not knowing sort of makes it difficult to plan, but ot would be nice to at least prepare for it.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! We are in a similar sitaution....he parents are in their late 60's and also had him at an older age. My parents had me when they were in high school and the rest of my family mostly started in their 20's. I didn't think we would be looking into a house this year due to lease and thinking that it would take more time. A loan officer recently suggested for us to check back in towards end of August. I do find it nervewrecking in how long it may take but I do want to prepare for it.

How soon you should start trying to conceive is something no one can tell you - it is something that you and your partner need to decide.
In saying this, I would honestly suggest perhaps getting a job first and waiting a little before you start trying.
I was admitted to practice law at the start of this year and while I’m not going to be working in an area that is crazy busy and has ridiculous hours (I’m in house legal counsel) it is important to me that I get a few years experience in the field before I have children, because while I’m a junior, my lack of knowledge or experience with certain things is ok, but there will come a point that those things will be expected of me to know, so I would like to gain more expertise before I take time off and have children. I am not sure of your qualifications but this might be worth considering. This, and being someone who similarly likes to bite off more than I can chew, I would really encourage you to take things a little slow. Children aren’t like a side hobby, it’s a full time job in itself! But again, see where you are at in your lives, figure out what you’re willing to compromise on with your lifestyles, and if it’s right to start sooner then do so.

I’m not sure what field you’re going into but just speaking generally, this is a terrible market to graduate into. I personally don’t think it would be wise to start a family in the next year at all, but especially if you’re a new grad. While it is illegal, employers do discriminate based on familial status. Since you’re only 29 I don’t see any harm in waiting until the economy improves and/or you have stable employment and health insurance.

We’re planning on a family next year after the big reception even when I’m applying for graduate school. I’ve worked and gone to school through both my under grad degrees so I think it’ll be fine. Just make sure you all are both on the same page about the babies lol.

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Awesome! Thank you so much! Do you have any other advice? I'm also on the same boat as the poster. Got my master's, looking for a job and house but want to have kids soon (i'm in my 30s)

View Quoted Comment I am so glad that we can relate! Honestly, I would be interested in hearing your journey in how you would also face this situation.

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Hi Amanda!

Yes, I read your post and empathized with you! I feel like I'm in a tricky spot right now. Once everyone stopped pressuring me to have a baby, I had time for myself to think. Covid has changed everything and made me realize how much time I've wasted, especially in my 20's. I don't regret it but I spent so much time on school that I wasn't able to just get a decent career and save up. My finances are horrible right now with student loans, which blocks home buying (essentially). I eventually finished with my masters degree but there's no enough networking, LinkedIn, or applications I could fill out that could get me a job right now. After the wedding, we've been renting with his parents on the third floor - it has been so cost effective. The homes in our area have been insane bc of very well known tech companies. I grew up in this area and homes north of the city were not this expensive. We want to stay here bc our families are nearby. We've been looking for homes and we can afford the down payment but still feel like it's not enough, as there's other finances.

I'm 33 and I don't have that time like I did i my 20's and I do want a baby. What's stopping me and making me feel hesitant is:

1. Career (not hired yet)

2. Our own place (can't buy a house but staying at my in laws has been WAY better with renting costs).

Husband says we're fine financially. Everyone seems to be hell bent on doing things the "right away" - I know I'll be judged by other females with having a baby without my career and living with parents while saving up. The money and objects will come and go but the time won't aka that time to try for babies. I know people who have waited for the career and house - once they got it, they went to baby world and had a much harder time with it. Some were lucky to have kids. My sister did things "the right way" but now she's bordering 30, feeing insecure because she's single and all her friends are married with kids.

So this is where I'm at right now haha I've just been researching homes/finances and baby planning

how have you been feeling with your situation?

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You're so sweet! Have you met with a doctor and discussed it? I got off birth control and didn't notice any negative side effects. I'm just trying to be healthier overall with diet & exercise, and got rid of a lot of the BPA products in our house.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! I didn't discuss it at my last appoontment, I am actually in need of a new doctor. It was discussed on how my periods are or irregular and she checked me for POS, which turned out negative. She offered my birth control pills to regulate but I declined and never been put on birth control pills. One of my reasons is because of the different stories that I have heard that disencourage my choice. My period also sometimes doesn't last past a week and didn't feel comfortable to shorten it as I also heard that being a side effect.

View Quoted Comment You have a lot that you are going through and it os understandable on how you are going through a difficult time with crossing this bridge. I am 28 and my FH (less than 2 months to go) is 34. I have graduated this year with masters and have not yet applied to any jobs as of yet. I am waiting to get approved for a mortgage and if not, then I guess it might be safe to start trying as I can keep my current job a bit longer and get maternity leave. We are looking to move in the NH area. By not having the wedding we have originally planned, it is helping us to save some money. I try to imagine the financial challenge with having a child but it is sort of difficult to figure out with not knowing how much insurance can cover and I know his parents will mostly want to help. My degree is in the mental health field and thought about going for state certification because at least I'll be due towards end of year and would have the summer. I feel like I sort of have it mapped out but it is just difficult on finding a way to cross that bridge with everything at once. Owing a house is a bit less expensive in comparison in monthly rent. We are also on a lease, so if we don't move by the end of this yr, we will need to renew the lease. They would jump the cost of rent over $2,000 if we go month by month without lease.


That is good that you have your in-laws, it sort of allows for you both to try to save on money. We have a joint account for this reason, mainly expenses on builing a family or owing a home.
Applying for jobs and not getting one around the time prior to moving sort of scares me. I know there is some deperate mental health places but I don't want to go back feeling the constant burnout. What field are you looking into?

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Yeah, I understand! I'd find a Obstetrics and Gynecology doctor in your area that you like. We had moved (in the last 2 years) so I needed to find a new one nearby at a hospital I liked and our insurance accepted. I don't really have the irregular issue but I've been on birth control for a long time (pills) so that's why I went off them 2 weeks ago, to give myself up to 6 months to get back to normal before we even start trying!