Savvy October 2020

His job my sanity

Emily, on May 13, 2020 at 12:28 PM Posted in Married Life 0 10
My fiance wants to be a civilian military contractor... requiring him to go overseas often. Ive been with military before and i know how hard it is on both parties. He's asking my opinion and i want to say no i just don't know if i would be in the wrong doing so. I need help! We are getting married in October and i think this would hurt us not help us.


Latest activity by Mandee, on May 13, 2020 at 5:53 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    It’s not wrong to voice your opinion, but it is wrong to tell him “no.” You can tell him your concerns and discuss ways that you can address them, but you don’t get to just shut down his goals. Marriage is about compromise, consider this your marriage prep.
    • Reply
  • Mrs. S
    Super November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
    • Flag
    My husband is military and whatever he wants to do is what we do. But I am completely fine with it. If you don’t want to do it speak up about your feelings or you’ll be unhappy and resentful. He wants to take your opinion into consideration or he wouldn’t be asking.
    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
    • Flag

    You need to be honest! One of my best friends was in a similar situation. His (now ex) wife was not honest about her feelings in him taking a new job requiring him to travel a lot and they are now divorced. Don't tell him he can't take the job, just tell him the pro's and con's you see in it and how you would prefer that he stay closer to home. This is something you two should easily be able to compromise on.

    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag

    I would definitely talk to him about it rather than just saying no. Like others have said, weight out the options. I personally would hate it.

    • Reply
  • Trisha
    Super October 2020
    Trisha ·
    • Flag

    Talk To Him And See If You Can Come To An Agreement. If Thats What He Wants To Do Then Good For Him But He Should Take Your Feelings About It Into Consideration As Well. For Example, Would He Be Leaving You Behind? Would You Be Able To Travel With Him? Etc. Etc. Both Me And FH Are Military And We Have To Compromise On Certain Things.

    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    I absolutely think it’s fine to share with him your concerns
    • Reply
  • Fenja
    VIP August 2021
    Fenja ·
    • Flag

    Please be sure to share your feelings before hand, because it might otherwise lead to trouble later! Just tell him how you feel. It's not your decision, but he should clearly take your opinion into account when making the decision.

    • Reply
  • Alythea
    Dedicated May 2020
    Alythea ·
    • Flag
    Y’all to him see what the pros and cons are will the job have better pay and health insurance etc cons he will have to travel. I say sit down and make list with him and see what y’all can agree on as a couple.
    • Reply
  • Kayse
    Expert December 2020
    Kayse ·
    • Flag

    I think you need to be honest. He wouldn't have asked if he didn't want to know.

    • Reply
  • Mandee
    Devoted September 2020
    Mandee ·
    • Flag

    I told my fiance that he was not going to leave me as a single parent to be a military contractor. We've already done ten years of sub-service and I was okay with him either continuing to do that or to go reservist, but I was not okay with him risking his life simply for a paycheck. I was selected as a Nurse Corp Officer but was diagnosed with cancer before I swore in, but that was a civilian role not requiring deployment.

    The point is, that you have to be honest about what you're expecting from the relationship and what you won't be willing to compromise on. Not everything is a compromise!!!

    • Reply

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