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Beginner October 2020

Has anyone’s friend copied their wedding ? Has anyone lost a good friend during wedding planning?

Maddie C, on February 3, 2021 at 6:44 PM Posted in Married Life 0 29
Im basically just venting but I also want to know if this has happened to anyone else


I had this friend for over 15 years. If I got something she had to have it too. If I wanted something and told her she would get it first and act like she had no clue. I look back now and realized even though I was a good friend to her she wasn’t a good friend to me. She would always give me questionable advice and act like it was the right way. She would criticize my life any chance she could.

Ok so to start off I got engaged and got a ring that is a replica of both my moms and grandmas rings which are special to me because I liked the idea of keeping that tradition going it is my dream ring, keep this in mind. Next I booked my venue and as soon is I showed my friend she wanted it so badly even though she had already showed me the one she wanted and she had even told me I couldn’t have that one (she wasn’t even engaged at this point and there are TONS of other venues around us.) I told her I didn’t want our weddings to be the same or at the same place preferably she sulked but said she agreed. We agreed together not to use each others ideas at all, keep in mind. Next she gets engaged to a guy she’s known for maybe 6 months, (I know time is not what determines a lasting relationship but this guy was odd and she even agreed to that herself so it made it seem like she just settled because she wanted what I had yet again but if she was happy so was I!) a few months after I got engaged she knew her whole engagement plan down to the day and time and place it was happening because “she doesn’t like surprises” but I was still ECSTATIC for her she got her “dream ring” she had told me all about as well, it was completely opposite of mine, keep that in mind. Also she told me how she threw a fit because he couldn’t afford the same size center stone as me and made him buy a bigger one. Anyways our plans started out completely different. Not one thing was the same but next thing she tells me she wants to do pink and white for her colors so I completely cut pink out of my plans (I only planned on a tiny bit of pink anyways) because I wanted her to have her dream wedding and me to have mine I used the other colors that I loved and was planning for anyways, next thing I know she’s changed her colors to mine with some pink added. I was mad but didn’t make a big deal out of it. I planned on using a certain photographer for years and next thing I know she’s telling me she booked her? And for my bridal shower I picked a specific place and the next week she told me she booked it for hers too and she cried in the middle of a restaurant when I was mad? Things began getting tense as slowly her wedding became the exact same as mine as she continued to change all of her ideas to my ideas, so I said “please stop using every idea I tell you” she basically said “ok” and I expected things to change but it just got worse. When I chose my dress she chose one that is the exact same, same fabric, color, sleeves, shape, everything, it looked identical. I was pissed but didn’t get mad because I wanted her to have her dream too, she said “We are best friends so some things are going to be alike“ But it’s was not just “some things” it was EVERY SINGLE THING THE SAME, it had never been like this before she always had her own style but now that I was planning my wedding her style became just like my style and I don’t get why that was just now happening, her style has always been girly, traditional and pink and mine is very modern and edgy with lots of black. she never decorated like me until now? I know copying is supposed to be flattering but it got on my nerves because it was like I was planning her wedding for her using my own wedding ideas. She even tried to take our first dance song (it’s not a common song at all) and maybe she did, I wasn’t there. She ended up telling me at one point that she had “always been jealous of my relationship with my fiancé” in a serious but jokey way and that made me start seeing that maybe we weren’t like sisters at all and it freaked me out. The next week she texted me saying how she felt she couldn’t plan her wedding around me and we had a falling out even though her “planning” was using ALL of my ideas? Fast forward to our weddings and hers is identical to mine.. she cut out pink and used my same exact colors, she had the same veil as the one I showed her I was using, same dress, she switched her bridesmaids dresses to the same style and color as mine and her tuxes to the same as mine, same flowers, the exact same backdrop at the reception AND she even changed her RING to the EXACT SAME one as me, I’m not kidding it’s identical! .... our wedding were identical and she has never liked my style until now. Am I crazy to think she was way out of line / crazy? Or am I wrong? Has anyone else ever gone through this?

29 Comments

Latest activity by Faye, on April 14, 2021 at 7:11 AM
  • Karla
    Super February 2020
    Karla ·
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    You probably should have stopped sharing details with her after she started copying your colors and feeling like she was “stealing” your ideas. Just my take on this situation.
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    It does sound like she used a lot of your ideas. But I will say weddings in general are never that unique so things like colors could overlap and wedding dresses sometimes can look alike anyway. But I can see from what you were saying that it looks like she’s purposefully taking the same ideas but like what PP said it would be good if you just stop sharing ideas with her. I am sure that your wedding and hers will still have its own uniqueness to it but I can tell that it is definitely annoying to see that she’s practically copying everything you’re doing
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  • M
    Beginner October 2020
    Maddie C ·
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    I agree! But when you are best friends with someone for most of your life you think maybe you can trust them. Especially when your taste has always been completely opposite until right then.
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  • V
    Rockstar July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I went through something kind of similar with my brother-in-law's wife. We got engaged two days apart. My mother-in-law's 60th birthday party was on a Saturday so my husband thought it would be great to propose to me the next day since everyone would be in town for her birthday. After he had everything planned, he found out his brother was proposing the day before her party. I couldn't attend their engagement because it was at the top of a mountain and I was recovering from a sprained knee, but both of them were at our engagement. Following our propose, we had a picnic with everyone since we got engaged at a park. During that time, we mentioned two things: 1. That we wanted to get married in September of the following year and 2. Our colors would be black and red (this was something we knew for a long time and others knew as well as those were the only colors we ever envisioned for our wedding.) Not even two hours after the picnic ended, my brother-in-law called and said they were thinking they'd get married September of the following year. I was livid because they knew that was our plan. They toured/called about 100 venues because his wife had something very specific in mind. The venue they wanted only had August 31st available so we ended up moving our wedding otherwise they would've been two weeks apart so instead we ended up getting married six weeks apart. Fast forward about two months, her and I were talking and suddenly she wanted red as one of her wedding colors which I was stunned because she knew that was one of the colors we picked. She had a Pinterest board with nearly identical decor/flowers as me so we switched to a light pink and grey because I didn't want nearly identical decor/flowers with their wedding six weeks after us. She ended up messaging me days before I was going with my bridesmaids to look for their dresses that they changed their mind and wanted to do dark green instead of red so we switched back to red and black. Throughout the wedding planning process she continue to ask my opinion on things, but I gave very vague answers and made sure I didn't tell her anything that could lead to her copying me. The only thing that ended up being similar was that we both choose infographic wedding programs. I was bummed about this because I had been so excited because I thought the infographic wedding programs were really unique. My brother-in-law also had the nerve to try to say we coped him by doing infographic wedding programs, but never once did his wife tell me that was their plan or I definitely wouldn't have gone with them because I wanted something unique and different from her. There was some hard feelings during the planning process because of things that happened with her. It was mostly me being upset because I really wanted to get married in September rather than July. However, I was glad nothing looked similar other than the programs. It sounds like your friend or former friend couldn't come up with an original thought of her own which is just sad. She should've planned the wedding of her dreams rather than copying you. It sucks that it cost you your friendship, but I too would've been sick of her. I think it probably would've been best had you stopped sharing details with her. I lost my best friend during the wedding planning process, but it was because she was a backstabbing liar. It had nothing to do with her copying me.

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  • Expert September 2021
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    Weddings CAN be similar, especially if you’re great friends and have a lot of the same styles and ideas. But you absolutely do not intentionally make those big details identical to your friends.. that’s just super weird to me and gives me “The Roomate” vibes LOL. I loved my MOH’s wedding venue so much but it never was even something I considered because you just don’t intentionally do that. Your friends shouldn’t want to share those kind of things with you. One of my bridesmaids walked down the aisle at her wedding to a song I was totally obsessed with and really would have used the same one, but I didn’t want her to be watching me walk down the aisle and think of how special that song is to her and her husband.
    I think it’s all super weird - even if weddings are hard to make totally original. I would definitely be careful what you share with her!
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  • Llcool_Kay
    Expert July 2021
    Llcool_Kay ·
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    I would have totally lied about certain details! Lol, let her pick from the things I lied about. I’m sorry you had to have aspects of your dream day stolen from you. I agree with other users that your weddings will probably still be very unique in their own ways. I didn’t go through anything like that but I did have a friend who got engaged about 2 months before I did. And did not start planning until after I was engaged. And I just recently found out that almost all of our vendors she booked for her wedding. So while of course I’m learning not to share details with her I still was a little upset that she’s using the exact same vendors! By the way her wedding date is exactly a month mine.
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  • Kk
    Devoted October 2021
    Kk ·
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    She sounds super insecure. You probably should have stopped telling her your plans the moment you realized she was changing her wedding to mirror yours. But honestly, you need to just let it go for your own sanity.
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  • Michelle
    Master April 2021
    Michelle ·
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    So many great points- definitely shouldn’t have shared your vision with her.
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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    It sounds like you don’t like her that much, or that you find her really annoying. Lots of times long term friendships run their course, and this may be a sign that yours has.
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2020
    Katie ·
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    I’m so sorry! I’m rather trusting, like you, so I understand how brushing off what seems like small things for a long time catches up. Sounds to me she doesn’t have a mind or opinions of her own, which is actually very sad. On a side note, I couldn’t imagine asking my fiancé for a larger ring!? Geez! I’m sorry the friendship didn’t work out and understandable there is a grieving process involved, especially after so many years. Luckily, you are your own person which it will be easier for you to move forward than for her. ❤️
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  • M
    Beginner October 2020
    Maddie C ·
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    I didn’t realize but you are so right, I definitely think I am grieving. I really needed to hear this! Thank you so much
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  • A
    Expert September 2020
    Amanda ·
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    You set a boundary that you didn’t maintain yourself. You agreed to stop sharing ideas but then continued to. You have the right to feel however feel, but from an outside perspective, it seems like you should keep your ideas to yourself and cool down.
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  • M
    Beginner October 2020
    Maddie C ·
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    I think you meant this as a jab at me which is ok but you are right, to be completely honest after this situation I don’t like her that much and I did find it really annoying. I think a lot of people would feel the same way as me after that. You are definitely right about it running the course. Thank you
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  • M
    Beginner October 2020
    Maddie C ·
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    I definitely see your point! Thank you
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  • M
    Beginner October 2020
    Maddie C ·
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    I agree! Thank you!
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  • M
    Beginner October 2020
    Maddie C ·
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    I should have haha but it’s too late now. I definitely feel better after venting! And I agree with all that you said, stop sharing ideas unless you think it’s ok!!
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  • M
    Beginner October 2020
    Maddie C ·
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    You sound like a good friend! Thank you!!
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  • M
    Beginner October 2020
    Maddie C ·
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    I definitely see your side!! And great points!! Thank you!!
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  • M
    Beginner October 2020
    Maddie C ·
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    Thank you!!
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    But I will say don’t sweat the small things she “copies” like my BFF and I both had the same bubble send off but that’s SO generic it didn’t matter haha or my other friend had the same wedding colors as me but it’s just a nice palette, etc. I don’t think much of things like that cause it’s things multiple weddings will have.
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