Friends have their own vacay during bachelorette

Your friends are entitled to do things they enjoy, they don’t need to follow you around the entire time. Traveling for a destination bachelorette is already a lot, you should be appreciative.

I agree with the previous poster. I don’t think they need to do every little thing with you.

That’s definitely very rude of them. Other than expressing to them that you’re a little hurt by it I’m not sure if I’d get into it to much with them though. Enjoy your time with the ladies who are going to be with you and let the other girls figure out what they want. When the tim’s comes they may feel bad about splitting off and might stay with the group anyway!

Agree with caytlyn you’re already having them spend money for a destination and use their vacation time why can’t they enjoy themselves also? This is basically their vacation they can do what they want.

View Quoted Comment I thought the bachelorette celebration was to spend time with bride, it was designed that way. It’s kinna strange to me to go on a bachelorette trip but not want to spend time with the bride lol imo but thanks for yours!

I have never been a fan of bachelorette parties that last more than a few hours and consider it rude when brides plan these bachelorette vacations and expect their friends to spend money and use their vacation time.

With that said, just because your sister planned this itinerary centered around you, doesn't mean they have to spend everyday doing what you like.

You should not be bothered by this imo

Thank you!

View Quoted Comment No one is forced to attend a destination bachelorette party. I think most brides are prepared for declines when having this type of party. I’m doing a 3 day cruise for my bachelorette party that also requires everyone to fly to the embarkation city. I absolutely knew that not everyone would be able to make it and my MOH made that very clear in the invitation. No one was to feel pressured.

That being said, if you DO attend a destination bachelorette party (or any bachelorette party) I feel you should stick to the group activities. It is called a bachelorette party for a reason. It is her day/her trip, not yours. Chances are, you’ve either had your own party in the past or will have one in the future.

Traditional bachelor parties for men were mostly an evening out. Or maybe, if they periodically go camping, or fishing or to the annual car and boat show , or pro ball game, they will do that together, and add on a bachelor party at a pub or a club, afterwards. So early morning to late at night, or a 2 day overnight, but only one evening is the bachelor party, the rest something friends coming to the wedding, and not, do a few times a year even when no one is getting married. . . Bachelorette parties started as women who did not want showers, household and present oriented, for whatever reason. And did not want the traditional alternative, a bridal yea or luncheon, in a restaurant, no presents. They wanted what the guys have: Let the wedding presents be for both, and let the woman's friends take her out for an evening, in which they would split the bride's drinks, appetizers, or maybe a show or club admission. 6-10 people would split the 40-75 dollars for the bride, pay their own way, maximum $50-$90 for a night out, each. And with no shower, the bachelor party instead, this $50-$90 would be the single biggest cost of the wedding, after the dress and the wedding gift. Nobody was doing pro HMU as a group on location. A simple neighborhood wash and set, or do your own. . . Since the time of my first marriage, first ****, people begin to want a limo for the evening, partly justified by not wanting to drive drunk, but an extra $300-$500 if they picked people up and dropped them separately. And neighborhood happy hours prices went up to pricey clubs, music venues, coedy clubs, where drinks were twice as much, the afmdmission was more, plus two $30-50 bottles of champagne to start in the limo. And where before, nobody stayed more than 3 hours, maximum was about 3 drinks so all could get home safely. With a limo, people out 7-1sm, getting blasted, the cost of 6-8 drinks, plus the bride's extra. But everyone wanting, just like celebrities, and the financially well off people in the movies. By ****, every website and magazine, along with TV unreality shows, pushed pictures, ads, articles, as though people should all get both a shower and a bachelorette. The timelines on the knot and WW and any other wedding industry website show a routine of starting wit an engagement party, and an engagement photo shoot, not 1 picture they already have, to submit in a newspaper. That usd to be the thing. And 1 huge shower, or a couple. Where the MOH and BM " should plan on " splitting the tab. Though the many, many decades before, showers were, and still very often are, given by close friends who may not be in the wedding, or the women of the bride's family other than mom, , or some of the friends and family, with 1 or more BM. All volunteers, no pressure. But brainwashed by media and website misinformation paid for by she wedding industry ( as WW and all bride magazines are), lots of brides seem to think, every Bridesmaid and MOH I choose somehow SHOULD KNOW that accepting the honor of bridesmaid, not a job, means an engagement party gift , at what has always been a no gift occasion, strictly an announcement . celebration. And planning and giving a shower a near requirement, and oh, here is my list of my 30-70 nearest and dearest friends, plus the 10 friends mom wants, who will all want to come to my shower, and give me a second present. So BM, instead of $25 each for a small group in a living room, now it is a pricey venue for a large number, brides expecting $200-700 because they not only want local people, they expect BM and MOH to fly in for a 3 hour informal party. None of this is required, or ever has been. But so many brides spend a hundred or more hours in the year or two before the wedding, watching, looking on line, browsing magazines, and venue ads, and Pinterest. And every possible thing, some brides , more and more, look and say, I want that. And I expect any of my friends that I honor by putting them in my bridal party, will all want to go over the top to indulge me with every little thing I want to make my dream come true. Well you know what? That has never been the standard of etiquette or social manners, to expect, demand, cry if you don't get, every thing one sees, and says, I want. . . Now, the bachelorette is something people are expecting in addition to a shower, or a bridal tea or couples party. And some have decided , I don't want just a 3 hour evening, I want days and days. Driving or flying a grew distance. To a pricey location. And BP or friends ,OUGHT TO be happy to do it , to spend several hundred to a thousand dollars. And if they work weekends and have to take off, maybe 3-4 vacation days of the 5-10 (or zero) their job gives them each year. . . . But I have to admit, this post is only the second time I have ever heard a bride complain, because people taking vacation time and going a long distance, with lodgings and travel to pay for, at a location chosen by the bride, think that they should not spend ALL of their time for days of vacation at their expense, exclusively doing what the bride wants. Because this bachelorette extravaganza is all about her vision, herself adored and supported by every one invited. . .Sadly enough, I have read brides with destination weddings wanting the whole 4-8 days to be about them. some brides think it is perfectly reasonable for friends and family to now spend upward of 10 times as much to be in a wedding as 15 years ago, thigh wages for many have only gone up .35 times over 15 years, for the majority of people, and with more costly medical costs, many people have less than years ago. We are not all wealthy people, or celebrities. Likely you are not either, or you would be treating your whole entourage to everything at your expense. . . The year I got married, hubby and I went to 15 weddings together, and 2 days we went to different weddings we were in hundreds of miles away , commitments made before we knew each other. One of us was in 8 of them, 5 me. My mom was toting things up. Age 14- then 26 for my wedding, I was in my 40th wedding as a bride this time. Now 37, I have been in more than 15 more, have to count, maybe 17. So I cannot be as obnoxious as some of you likely think I am, or so many would not have asked. Except for 2 when I was both recently widowed and in the army, I have given a shower for every single one, myself or with 1 or 2 others. I have made bridal gowns, or done whole bridal parties alterations, and made matching gowns for those pregnant or oddly sized . And I like doing it. And I have done upwards of 50 showers for brides whose bridal parties I was not in, friends and family. And baby showers. Sometimes desserts and coffee. Sometimes I cook and offer our house for 35 people for whole meals at showers where people have traveled a ling way, while another hostess does invitations and decoration. But recently, I have been appalled at how entitled some brides have become. I think they watched the Princess and the Pea on video loop for years, and thought the princess was right, and not an example of the mist spoiled rotten narcissistic person who ever lived. Everyone at her beck and call, by day, by afternoon, by night. Most if these were paid people. So many brides are in lots of ways expecting too much, and of friends who are not paid servants. Family who love them, but have lives of their own. Loans and mortgages to pay, cars and professional expenses ir education. Children now, or wanted soon. People who have no weddings ir baby showers for 2 years, then 12 in three years. And brides saying, but I gave them 17 months to save up for ME and what I want. No. Any bride gets at less a decent present, ir two, a a few hours prep for a 4 hour evening, some money spent, at least from hubby and I. But not $500-1500 for a shower and a bachelorette and a dress and HMU, and an engagement party gift and a shower gift, and a much bigger wedding gift, before paying $75-200 for Pro HMUA. Just no. Unreasonable to expect so much. An evening here or there, yes. But days at a time, only expect focus on the bride for part of it.

Rant over. 😊

No one is forced, but everyone is expected to want to go whether they can afford it or not. In my experience, every bride I have known is offended and upset if a member of the BP does not attend all events. And if they bride REALLY wanted everyone to attend, she would make sure the host planning the party would plan a budget friendly event.

With that said, if someone does attend a destination bridal event, spending every waking minute doing what the bride wants sounds selfish of the bride and unusual punishment for the BP.

View Quoted Comment Well you just met a bride that isn’t offended if bridesmaids can’t do certain activities, hi! And not every waking minute, that’s a bit extreme. However I do believe, if you CHOOSE to go on a batchlorette trip to celebrate the brides last hoorah, then yea you should celebrate with her lol. Or go stay elsewhere. But to each is own! I have plenty girls that are supportive and excited to celebrate this life event with me, so a few that do not, is ok. It’s just a question. I’m not rude or offended, and aware of bachelorette etiquette can differ for some. It’s ok.

Clearly we will never see eye to eye on this, so let's agree to be adults and politely disagree.

When it comes down to the nitty gritty how many activities are they doing with you versus not? Like is there an entire day that they aren't even with you? I would find it incredibly odd that they don't spend at least part of each day with you. I agree that it shouldn't be their own separate vacation. Maybe the itinerary could be reworked so that it's not ending up being a whole day that they aren't with you! This might be the best option.

I fully am aware that not everyone has to do every activity for our co-ed bridal party trip to Vegas like you said. Like zip lining is a common activity there but I know my one bridesmaid is afraid of heights so she won't do it. I am sure there might be others who we aren't requiring them to spend the money either if they opt out on a certain activity. They could easily take the time to go shopping, site seeing, stay at the hotel pool no biggy, but we would be meeting up later for the next plan ya know.

I love destination bachelorette parties - I would not be upset if my friends did other things, but I say that now. During my bachelorette weekend, a few of my friends had met up with a bachelor party and spent some time with them doing other things. I had no interest in that but wanted them to have a great time. Let it go, in the grand scheme of things it's not going to matter.

View Quoted Comment That’s true, thank you!