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Beginner August 2021

For those who have been married a while... Do you call your in laws mom and dad?

Jen, on September 2, 2021 at 11:33 AM Posted in Married Life 0 22
Do you call your in laws mom and dad? I just got married last Friday and my father in law keeps asking me "when are you going to call us mom and dad?"
It's not that I don't want to, but it feels weird. I tried it out a few times while we were engaged but I'm so used to calling them by their names. Does it just come after time?

Thank you.


22 Comments

Latest activity by Makeba, on September 3, 2021 at 8:43 PM
  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    I don't think I will ever call them mom and dad lol but that's just me. Like I call my bestfriends mom "ma" but we have a completely different relationship.

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  • E
    Expert September 2022
    EGD ·
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    Not married yet, but I have been with FH for 7 years.

    I call his dad PopPop, partially as a joke that started when he asked me for help with his cell phone one night, and partially because they just welcomed their first grandchild and thats what he plans on being called. We get along very well

    I call his mom by her first name, her and I don't get along very well, and I don't view her as my mom or as a mother figure.

    FH tends to not use names avoids it at all costs possible, not sure why but if he had to get one of my parents attentions he'd call them by their first name.

    My parents have been married 33 years, and when my grandparents were alive, my mom and dad just called their respective inlaws what the grandkids called them, so Grandma and Grandpa or Mama and Poppy. FH's parents call their respective inlaws by their first name.

    I think this is something you decide on YOUR comfort level, not what other people want to be called.

    I always found the calling in laws mom and dad thing weird, their not your parents, they didn't birth you or raise you, so why do they get to be called mom or dad by you.

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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    I occasionally call my MIL "Mom" but I also call her by her first name. It kind of depends on my mood or if I need to get her attention (she's hard of hearing). I have known her a long time and have been really close. But I have never and will never call my FIL (divorced from my MIL since before I knew them) "Dad." I had two dads and I don't need a third, and I'm not close with him because he's not a nice person.

    My experience aside, I would only do it if you want to and are comfortable with it. He can keep demanding it but you can ignore his demands. It's actually pretty easy to not call him anything. I mean, it's not like I use my husband's name or even a pet name every time I address him. I just start talking.

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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    I've married a little over 2 years and I could never imagine calling my in-laws mom or dad...I just call them by their first names

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  • J
    Beginner August 2021
    Jen ·
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    I feel like we're in the same situation kinda. My husband and I have a two year old so I call my in laws grandma and grandpa or their names. Mom and dad just sounds like I'm trying to replace my mom and dad.
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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    I couldn't imagine ever calling my future in-laws "mom and dad", and I've been with my fiance for 7 years. I think this is totally a preference thing though - some people are OK with calling them "mom and dad", others have a nickname for their in-laws, and others prefer to call them by their first names.
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  • E
    Expert September 2022
    EGD ·
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    Totally feel you, I feel the same way!

    My FMIL would totally be the one to demand I call her mom when I get married, cause it will make her feel a sense of importance which she so desperately craves, but I have a mom who if I'm being honest I call by her first name like 90% of the time cause it's fun bugging her lol

    I had to have the conversation with my dad on what he'd be called when he had kids, cause he wanted Poppy, but we called my maternal grandfather Poppy and he was very important in my life (even have "Poppy" tattooed on my back in his handwriting) and I had to tell my dad there already is a Poppy and I'm not comfortable with another one, and my dad respected that.

    If they keep pushing to the point of making you uncomfortable, I would 100% let them know that you would prefer to call them grandma and grandpa or by there names.

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  • Rebelle Fleur
    Master July 2021
    Rebelle Fleur ·
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    In my culture, usually even before you’re married that’s how you address your SO parents but I didn’t marry into my culture and I think it would be weird for them if I called them that.
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  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi ·
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    I am in the "do everything in your power to not have to address anyone by their name, ever" group lol. We've been together five and a half years and I don't call his parents anything if I can help it. If I have to then I use their first names. I don't plan on calling them mom and dad because they're not my mom and dad and his mom is definitely not a maternal person for me. They normally sign cards or Christmas labels for me as "Mom and Dad" but I think that's just what they do since they've never brought up what I call them. I do call his grandmas "Grandma" though, but I feel like that's different because that's what he also calls them.

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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    Initially i was hesitant because i didn't really know them like that enough to do so. but overtime i started to feel very nurtured by them and had a good relationship! so i do call them mom and dad now. it was kind of weird at first where i tried to avoid it haha because it feels unnatural sometimes to think like "but you AREN'T my mom" but eventually when you build that relationship with them, it'll be natural

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  • I
    Expert August 2021
    Ingrid ·
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    We were together for 15 years before getting married and I've never called his parents Mom & Dad and he has never called my parents Mom & Dad. We he and I are talking about our parents we say your/my Mom & your/my Dad.

    My ex-SIL used to call my MIL & FIL Mom & Dad and it was strange to hear. And honestly it feels a little disrespectful to my parents.

    We each tell them we love them but don't call each other's parents Mom & Dad

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  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
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    I love my in laws and get along with them great, but will not be calling them mom and dad, ever. If you’re uncomfortable with calling them that, don’t
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  • B
    VIP July 2017
    Becky ·
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    My parents always called each others parents mom and dad, so I guess I was just used to the idea - but it's still weird sometimes - and when I'm talking to my mom, I call H's parents by their first names. Honestly, though, if you aren't comfortable with the idea, you *never* have to call them mom and dad - and his dad shouldn't be pushing the issue. My brother and SIL call each others parents by their first names. Until I married into the family, H's brother's wife called my in-laws by their first names. Call them what you feel comfortable calling them. If his dad asks again, tell him that you aren't comfortable calling anyone except your parents mom and dad, that it doesn't come from a place of disrespect, it's just not something you're comfortable with.

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  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    I try to avoid saying any names at all. They would love for me to call them mom and dad but that’s not very comfortable to me. For a letter, I’ll address it that way from the both of us. Otherwise I avoid names. My parents would find it very very strange if my husband called them mom or dad lol.
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  • Lynnie
    WeddingWire Administrator October 2016
    Lynnie ·
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    It's a personal choice and depends on what you are comfortable with!!

    For me "mom" and "dad" are terms reserved for my mother and father, and I call my in-laws by their first names (as they've requested) when I absolutely have to use a name! My husband also calls my parents by their first names.

    I've been married for 5 years and we've been together for a total for 13 years! Smiley ring

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  • Lisa
    Super October 2021
    Lisa ·
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    I am getting married in about a month and it has never crossed my mind to call my in-laws 'mom' or 'dad'. I have been with my fiancé for nearly ten years and have always called his parents by their first name. He does the same and sometimes has a funny nickname for them.

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  • mrswinteriscoming
    Rockstar December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
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    FH and I have been together just shy of 7 years and I don't think I'd ever call his parents "mom" and "dad".

    I always call them by their names or "Mimi" and "Corgi" as that is what their granddaughters call them (long story re Corgi) so we all now call them that occasionally.

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  • Milada
    Super October 2021
    Milada ·
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    I call my FIL “Pop” because that’s what FH calls him and I’m closer to him than my own father. I call his mother “Ma” if I have to get her attention but I usually just say “Your mom/FH’s mom”. I only call my own mother “Mom/Mommy”. Definitely based on personal preference and comfort level
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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    I call them by their names.

    I have a dad, and no one else gets that name. My relationship with my mother is toxic, so I do enjoy having a good relationship with my MIL, but I use her name.

    TBH, though, they are probably going to get new names in about 3 weeks. I will likely spend the next few years calling them some variation of a grandparent.

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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
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    You should never feel obligated to call your in-laws mom and dad. Chances are you already have people in your life you call by those names. Calling my MIL or FIL "mom" or "dad" would feel disrespectful to the two people who raised me.

    I call my in-laws by their names. I do wish them a happy mother's day or happy father's day. But otherwise they are my husband's mom and dad, not mine.

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