Feeling disappointed about low Rsvps for Bridal Shower

I have noticed a massive decline in attendance for pre-wedding showers in the past 5 to 10 years. I wonder if maybe it’s because most couples live together prior to getting married, so people no longer see showers as important (since they were created back when people lived with their parents prior to marriage, and the purpose of showers was to “shower” the couple with a gifts to start their new home together). To be honest, I have declined attending all showers for many years (regardless of how close I am to the person). This may sound harsh, but I find showers incredibly dull, and a waste of my time. People are super busy these days, and I would rather spend what little free time I have doing something I enjoy, rather than sitting in a room with a bunch of people smiling politely while they play cheesy games and give gifts to people that don’t need them. I think showers are becoming very antiquated, and there is a reason people are doing away with them. Anymore, being invited to a shower isn’t exciting, it’s more of an obligation. I think low turnouts to showers are incredibly common for a lot of these reasons, so I wouldn’t feel insulted or embarrassed, or think the people who don’t attend don’t value you. I truly believe it is simply about the event itself, not you or your relationships.

View Quoted Comment Yes and I totally get that it’s falling out of style so to speak. I guess I’m just feeling a bit insecure as any other shower I’ve been at has been 30 plus people even for weddings smaller than mine. It seems kind of silly to have this at all considering 95% is family. I guess I am regretting it. I wish I told my MOH to not even bother but it seems like it’s too late at this point.

View Quoted Comment It definitely seems as though it’s too late to cancel at this point. So I would just go and enjoy the people that are there! Showers definitely don’t need to be large gatherings to be “valid”. Oftentimes, smaller, more intimate events are much more fun!

I don't agree that showers are going out of style. Everyone I know that has gotten married within a last 5 years has had a bridal shower. When did the invites go out? Is it possible they were set out too early and people forgot? I know at least with our family and friends a lot of people tend to forget until last minute.

View Quoted Comment They went out at the near the end of May, I was actually concerned I didn’t get them out early enough. I’m really hoping we get a few responses this week since we haven’t hit the RSVP date yet but I’m not expecting a lot. I understand everyone is busy and has a lot going on but it’s a two hour event on a weekend. I’ve gone to every shower in my friend group and my fiancé’s friend group (with the exception of one as I was not dating my fiancé yet but we got together a month before their wedding which I attended). I was expecting the local people around us to attend and I’m a little surprised at that I guess. Three invited friends on my side, I was in their weddings and again I have not heard a peep from them. I guess we’ll see what happens, I appreciate the few that do want to be there.

View Quoted Comment Try not to overthink it. If they don't reply by the deadline then the host will have to reach out to them.

Showers are not going out of style. If anything they have become more over the top than ever intended. But yes, I think you are overreacting.


Traditionally, showers are intimate and low key parties thrown by a friend or friends of the bride or the family and inviting the bride’s close friends and family not literally everyone invited to the wedding. You sent out invitations with plenty of time. Showers are not weddings. Not replying is really rude though.

The people that are meant to show up, will show up. Those are the people that truly care about you. I'm sure a lot of them have genuine reasons they haven't gotten back to you yet, but most people are just so self-absorbed they can't see past the end of their own nose. Do what you feel is right and talk to your husband.

I had 2 bridal showers. One had 50 ppl (all H's family) and one had 12 ppl. I can say undoubtedly that the smaller one was much more fun. I got to actually chat with everyone, everyone paid attention to the couple games and felt involved in the gift opening. I understand feeling a little sad that everyone you wanted to be there might not be able to come (or is choosing not to come) but it will still be an awesome time!!!

It also might be the case that because this is local and low maintenance for many of the guests, they either put it on their calendar and forgot about the RSVP or just noted the RSVP deadline and are sitting on it until they have to make a decision. You might get a flood of responses this coming week since the deadline hasn’t passed yet. I know mentally for me it feels like a bigger deal if I I have to travel out of state for any event, so I try to get everything researched and booked ahead of time, including the RSVP. But if it’s a couple hours at a restaurant down the street or whatever, I’m just like ok I need to make up my mind by the deadline but don’t put a ton of thought into it beforehand.

It's not common to invite every woman from the wedding to the bridal shower, it's usually family and close friends. I likely wouldn't attend the shower of my husband's friend's fiance, but would send a gift. I think you may have over-invited and that's what's leading to the lower turnout.

If the shower is in early July, the holiday could be causing low attendance as well. Many people have vacation or other plans at that time of year. I wouldn't take it personally.

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Showers are supposed to be small and intimate, not every woman invited to the wedding is invited. Why were you sending out invites anyway? Whoever was hosting the event should have handled it.