My FH's best friend/best man and his wife wants to throw us an engagement party, which is amazing! We're incredibly honored by their generosity, and that they want to host it at their home, which had plenty of space. It's in the area that they both grew up in and a number of their good friends and his family are in the area.
The complication is, that their home address is about ~1.5 hours driving in NJ from the NYC area where I grew up. Therefore, I'd feel terrible about having to ask the majority of my friends & family to travel on average 2 hours back and forth, on a good day. That also means that the majority of people who could easily attend would primarily be his side of the wedding invite list.
I was thinking, because I don't want to have to force them to change anything about them generously offering to host is to have FH and I throw a separate couple's party/housewarming party closer & more convenient for my friends and family once he moves in with me in a few months (we're not getting married until next September and I'm not planning on having a bridal shower, and I haven't even thrown a housewarming party for myself yet either because I've been working on renovations for the past year). I'd obviously open the invitations to both parties to all guests and if everyone wants to party more, more power to them, right?
I'm a pretty straightforward person/not the most tactful I wanted to make sure that it wouldn't seem rude to lay out this idea to the best man & his wife and a good way to frame it. I've discussed it with my FH, and he's supportive of the idea, but he's not sure if the proper etiquette either on how to frame the the idea without appearing ungrateful and we'd appreciate the advice.
