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Devoted October 2021

Engagement party & Bridal tea ideas!

Danielle, on July 29, 2019 at 11:03 PM Posted in Parties and Events 0 8

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Okay so! There’s a women who’s daughter is a bridesmaid in my wedding. Her mom babysat me from 6 months old to 8 years. So she has always been like family. 15 years ago she got married to someone with money and that fed her high maintenance personality. She has had a lot of input on my wedding and things are especially a little pricey. She was trying to talk my mom into a bridal shower which I don’t really want because we haven’t even had an engagement party and we have lived together for 5 years now. My FH doesn’t speak with his family and my moms a single parent who is paying for most of my wedding with whatever help I’ve been able to give her. So I really don’t see the need in having a bridal shower, it’s just money my moms sending that I would rather spend elsewhere. My idea was to have a cookout get together in my matron of honors house/yard. Have some drinks, some food, a few games... things like that as a engagement party which is cheaper then a restaurant. I plan to invite my FH as well as my bridal party, some friends, and some family. As for my one bridesmaids mom, this isn’t something she wouldn’t like. She’s traditional and obviously has money to spend. So I don’t plan on inviting a few of the older guests on my wedding list because I’ll have to hear people’s opinions and have people try to change my moms mind and spend money on something more “elegant”. So my first question is, is there any ideas for a backyard engagement party? My sister is my maid of honor and my best friend matron of honor. She has a big house and yard. My FH is a cook and both my MOH are creative. My FH think BYOB is tacky but idk how I feel about having my mom spend money on alcohol for people. I also don’t expect my MOHs to throw too much money for one is my little sister who’s 21 and doesn’t have a ton of money and my best friend is stable but I’m not trying to ask her to spend money because everybody is buying their dress and hair and make up. Any ideas? Also for the older adults who may not want to come because it’s not traditional or because it’s a crowd in their late 20s into 30s, I was thinking maybe like a bridal tea thingy? I’m not sure what that is but I’ve seen it before. Any ideas really for how I can give the older adults a chance to “shower” me if they want without having to throw a big shower!?

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Latest activity by Melle, on July 31, 2019 at 10:47 AM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on July 30, 2019 at 7:45 AM
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An engagement party and a shower or bridal tea are not the same thing. An engagement party is typically thrown by a family member shortly after the proposal. I'm not sure why you're saying you'll invite your FH? Of course he'll be invited. You are the guests of honor. There would be no engagement if it wasn't for him.
Bridal luncheons typically take place closer to the wedding, in place of a bridal shower. It's traditionally women only and can be hosted by anyone, typically a close friend or family member. If the older adults don't want to attend either of these events, the don't have to, but you don't need to have another whole event for them.
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Super September 2018
Rachel · on July 30, 2019 at 8:28 AM
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I believe in the South the Bridal Tea is actually tea (or lunch or brunch) to thank your bridal party for their support. After the rehearsal (@11am due to venue requirements) I took my bridesmaids and Moms to lunch, my treat. We did host a rehearsal dinner later that evening with the full wedding party and immediate family, so the tea is an additional event.
I think your engagement party idea sounds fine if your crowd wants to celebrate without gifts. If your crowd wants to celebrate with the traditional shower then I think you can do a casual afternoon BBQ or midday brunch (coffee, mimosa, pastries) shower. I think it would be a bit odd to host and then say BYOB though... to me it just comes off as unnecessarily cheap. You don’t need to throw a rager or even offer alcohol at all if you don’t want to (though know some of these people may be meeting for the first time so a drink can help settle nerves) but don’t put the expectation in writing on your guests to BYOB...
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Devoted October 2021
Danielle · on July 30, 2019 at 5:50 PM
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I know that engagement parties and bridal showers are different things. I had meant to say that I can invite my FH friends and stuff to an engagement party where as with a bridal shower its mostly women. It's just frustrating because I know i'm going to get comments about how i'm not doing it the traditional way in a restaurant or something but my mom is paying nearly for the whole wedding and since we don't have any extra money to throw our own engagement party, I'm not going to ask my mom to pay for both a engagement and bridal shower. The issue I am worried about the people making these comments talk with mom weekly and my mom is easy to "push" around and will easily give in. So It's basically like gonna be something like if I do ask for an engagement party and do it like a cook out or BBQ then I have to tell certain people who wouldn't come anyways because they will hear it from my mom and then say she cant let me do that and i need a real engagment party and then eventually she will try to give in to a bridal shower which i really don't want, it's a waste of money for my mom and not something i really need. It's just trying to deal with the way people see things and how things are "supposed" to be and all that.
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Devoted October 2021
Danielle · on July 30, 2019 at 6:00 PM
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Well the people that would come are probably in their 30's so I def wanna have alcohol. I'm not looking for a rager or anything but just something simple to celebrate our engagement. I really would rather not have a bridal shower because that's money my mom has to waste on something i don't really need or want. Plus if she was willing to pay for at least one pre wedding event i would want an engagement party more because then its not just usually females but everyone can get together. The toughest has been people my mom talks to weekly that have their thoughts on how I must have a bridal shower and if they find out i'm not trying to do a formal engagement party they will throw their thoughts in too and the problem is, My moms a push over and its easy for people to talk her into things and make her feel like she has to or shes being a bad mom but some of these people don't understand that she's a single parent who still has one kid at home and my FH family isn't involved at all nor my dads side. I'm on disability and have been for awhile. She works two jobs and all that so everything she is already doing is a lot for her, Let alone people trying to convince her of things that are like a couple hundred extra here and there that she doesn't have. These people don't understand because they tell her to stop working so much yet like shes like well i have to make extra money for the wedding and it's not as easy as you think to ignore such people and comments lol!
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on July 30, 2019 at 6:15 PM
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So it sounds to me like you want a kind of co-ed engagement party shower hybrid celebration that's super casual for your younger guests. That makes sense. Honestly I doubt too many of the younger guests will think much of anything about free food and drinks. Just get beer and wine and don't do hard liquor to save money.
I believe you are thinking of a bridal "sprinkle" where it's a bridal shower with the older female relatives who want the tradition but you don't want the hoopla and money spent. You can do a brunch with them and tell them it was more important to spend quality time with them than it was to get gifts and that should handle their feelings.
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Devoted October 2021
Danielle · on July 30, 2019 at 9:07 PM
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Yes you know exactly what I’m getting at. Simply because my mom is the main financial source for my wedding and my maid of honor is my sister who lives at home and I have a matron who is comfortable but with 3 kids and a home and my girls are already paying for their dress and hair and make up if they want it done. So I know if I have a bachelorette party that a lot of that money will come from my mom and best friend. So I’d rather do exactly what you are saying. A simple get together for the younger more modern people and then your idea of doing a sprinkle and doing lunch or something instead of gifts for the older more traditional people. I understand why these things get brought up, they are things that always have been done for reasons but in today’s day and age, those things can add to already expensive wedding which can be a a lot of pressure when a lot of it is coming from one person. My FH isn’t involved and when my dad passed his family stopped talking to us so really it’s just my mom and her dad and I’m on disability and my FH provides a lot that I can’t with disability so she doesn’t except much money from him! I’ve been giving her money each month towards the venue, dj, photography and cinematography and flowers. I have also been putting aside money for things like send the dates, invitations, guestbooks, wedding party gifts, favors and all those things that add up which I plan to pay for. So if I’m going to have any kinda pre wedding events, they have to be done differently to save money which can be hard when everyone is used to a “traditional” wedding! Thank you for the idea! It’s definitely going to be something I highly consider for the more traditional older people.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on July 31, 2019 at 6:19 AM
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It's nice you're trying to include everyone, but also don't pressured into anything you're not comfortable with or comfortable funding. It sounds like you have a good circle of people who are excited.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 31, 2019 at 10:47 AM
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I like what Kelly suggested. Your engagement party can be super casual and fun for the younger crowd and a bridal tea for older guests.
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Engagement party & Bridal tea ideas!

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