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Rosie
Master February 2022

Do you think your relationship will change much post-marriage?

Rosie, on September 13, 2021 at 9:48 PM Posted in Married Life 0 20

And if you're married, DID it change?

My fiance and I live together. We have joint health insurance and hold joint investments. We are marked down as each other's emergency contacts at work and with each other's doctors. In Australia, having lived together for more than 2 years, we're already considered a de facto couple, and have certain rights and obligations under Australian law.

I know having declared our love for each other in front of all our friends and family and just... being married will feel good to me, so I expect to feel closer to him, and more in love than ever, but these are all emotional things, and I'm not really expecting anything to fundamentally change in our relationship otherwise.

But, I know that isn't the case for everyone - some people haven't lived together prior to marriage, haven't shared finances, consumated their relationship, or even kissed - maybe not even been away on holiday together, or grocery shopped!

So, do you expect your relationship to change? Are you nervous? Excited?

For those of you like me who it appears outwardly nothing will change... were you surprised when it did, or were things exactly the same? I remember a colleague (who was living with her partner etc) once told me that she didn't think it would make a difference... but it did, in a way she couldn't explain. How about you?

20 Comments

Latest activity by Milada, on September 21, 2021 at 4:39 PM
  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine
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    My husband and I lived together for almost 4 years before we got married, but it felt amazing actually being able to say MY HUSBAND 馃グ鉂わ笍. We already did everything together prior to marriage, but once we were married it was like this is OFFICIAL OFFICIAL!
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  • Rosie
    Master February 2022
    Rosie
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    That is exactly how I think I'll feel too, haha!

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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa
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    I don't expect our relationship to change at all! We've been together for 7 years, and I really don't see how being married will change anything for us (other than calling each other husband and wife lol).
    • Reply
  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah
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    We lived together for about 6 years before we got married. Everything felt the same but happier. It was exciting to refer to each other as husband and wife (and still is 2 years later lol). Fundamentally, everything stayed the same, as we had already merged a lot of our finances prior to marriage (although we fully merged after marriage), and we live together, etc. I did change my last name, so that was really the only big fundamental change after marriage.
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  • Rosie
    Master February 2022
    Rosie
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    Yes, that's the big one for me too. I still do a double take when my sister texts me and her new name pops up - a kind of 'wait, who is that again?' moment!

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  • ArizonaDreaming
    Devoted September 2021
    ArizonaDreaming
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    We have everything combined and have for a few years now. We have essentially been married without the legal aspect of it. We have a child together and have 3 others we have raised together for going on 5 years. I do not expect much to change, aside from being officially husband and wife.

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  • Cece
    Rockstar November 2023
    Cece
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    Like you, I don鈥檛 think things will change from the outside looking in鈥 but I truly believe there will be a change internally for me!
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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca
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    Yeah, pretty much the only change was getting to say, HUSBAND, which I still really enjoy.

    Getting hit with a pandemic in which we both were forced to ALWAYS be in the same 500 sq ft for roughly 6 months was a really good test, too.... (Our jobs were public facing, I am high risk, and all my jobs went away, he got furloughed for a while.)

    I'm a little more concerned with the impending change to 'parents', but not in a bad way. Just... oh, this is about to get very, very, very real!

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  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy
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    We were together for 4 years before getting married and lived together most of it. We joined finances when we got engaged. It was 100% different when we got married. I felt more united. Our relationship felt more solidified. I agree with your friend, it鈥檚 kind of hard to explain, but yes it felt different. Besides the feeling it was the same with the mundane aspects of everyday life, lol.
    • Reply
  • Kris
    Expert July 2021
    Kris
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    The only thing that changed is that we both feel a lot more secure, if that makes sense. We have been together for 7 years and have lived together for 6, so there wasn't any HUGE change that we had.

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  • M
    Expert September 2021
    Marianne
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    I just got used to the word fianc茅 by the time H and I got married, so calling him my husband has been a weird adjustment! And while we've been together for 6+ years and lived together for 4+ of them, we're just now combining finances, insurances, etc. but that's really the only change. I was most shocked that I didn't have to sign anything in order to be considered married to him Smiley xd (he got our marriage license without me and had to take an oath or something though)!

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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle
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    I don't really feel like it changed much at all haha. people ask me that all the time like oh how has marriage been as if it should have changed a lot or something. but i feel like our strong foundation was already there and all marriage really did was make it feel more committed

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  • Hannah
    Dedicated October 2021
    Hannah
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    I think that our day to day life together won鈥檛 change much since we鈥檝e lived together for the past 3 years and share our personal lives like we were already married. I think the intensity of our love will grow though as we enter into the sacred commitment of marriage, just with the official seal that we are each other鈥檚 for life Smiley smile
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  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi
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    The biggest outward changes will be us combining finances, probably insurance, and maybe finally cell phone bills lol. I'm hoping I'll finally be special enough to be his emergency contact but he's so used to putting his dad he's never thought to do any different. We've lived together for all but 10 months of our relationship so we've got our daily lives pretty much figured out and that won't change at all.

    I don't think our inward relationship will change much. We've worked on our foundation for a long time to make sure we both felt completely comfortable with being together for the rest of our lives. I will admit that even though I'm the one who feels as though marriage is just a piece of paper in most ways, I do get times where I think to myself "We're getting married!"

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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha
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    I don鈥檛 expect any big changes. Tax status as married I guess will be the big one.
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  • Maddie
    Expert February 2022
    Maddie
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    I don't think it will change at all. The only thing is that we'll combine health and car insurance once we're married and I want both of us to get life insurance. Also neither of us will have to stress out about a wedding anymore - so that's nice xD. I think our relationship won't really change until we have kids - which I guess is contingent on us being married. Not because I look down on people who have kids outside of marriage...I just wanted to be able to drink and not be tired at mine

    When we moved in together last year, I started putting him as my emergency contact which was super weird but gave me a warm fuzzy feeling at the same time

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  • N
    Expert June 2021
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    My husband and I been together 8 years and lived together 2 years before getting married this June and I also couldn鈥檛 imagine what would change between us once we got married. Our officiant would tell us the responsibility would change and I still didn鈥檛 get it until a few days after the wedding. I woke up one day and it just hit me that I am officially my husband鈥檚 next of kin. If something god forbid ever happened I would be in charge of the decision making on his behalf and vice Vera. That In itself is so much responsibility. Before getting married it would be his Mother鈥檚 Say and I鈥檇 be lucky if I could get a word in. We then had those hard talks of if something terrible happened what would you want. We both needed to know since we would be the decision makers if the other was too impaired. What also changed was that my husband is the most important person in my life now that鈥檚 not to say he already wasn鈥檛 but I would definitely lean on my dad for a lot of support. But at the wedding there was such a theme throughout the evening from the ceremony to everyone鈥檚 toasts and wedding cards that we are the most important people to one another and not to run to anyone else about our marriage (unless clergy) and that really hit for me. I can be super shy when it comes to being vulnerable even after 8 years of being together and I was always used to leaning on my dad for support he always has the right things to say and he鈥檚 clergy too so that鈥檚 a plus. But since getting married I鈥檝e been finding myself leaning more on my husband and trusting him with things that make me feel vulnerable. So I guess I would say the responsibility aspect changes and just your union in general.
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  • E
    Super July 2023
    Eniale
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    Confession: we've been married so long now I don't really remember what it was like not being married.

    What I do recall, it didn't change much, aside from the giddiness of being able to call him my husband. We were also very young (19 and 21) so there was always the responses of shock from other people when we introduced each other as "my husband/wife". (And in some cases, the disdain or judgmental "you are way too young to be married" remarks, which were stated in abundance as well.)

    I do remember feeling like it made our "united front" feel like something more, something intangible I can't explain. Like we were always standing side-by-side, but now we had back-up.

    My husband always says, "I was married to you two weeks after we started dating, so nothing changed for me." (This was when he first asked me to marry him, which I rebuffed at the time, but he maintains that since that moment he had known he would be with me forever.)

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  • Tori
    Devoted October 2021
    Tori
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    My FH and I have been together for 7 years and have been living together for 5. So, honestly, the only thing that's going to change is my last name haha

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  • Milada
    Super October 2021
    Milada
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    I answered this question during our premarital counseling lol. I don't think it will change much at first (we've lived together for 4 years, share 2 sons, a joint bank account, and a car) but over the years, we'll start to see the difference. I'm taking his last name, we're bundling health and car insurance, we're saving for a house. After premarital counseling, we've already started to move slightly different and better in terms of our relationship. We already move as a unit but I believe that will evolve into something deeper as time goes by.

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