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Devoted September 2012

Do you hurt for your spouse with how he gets treated sometimes?

The Sealpups, on April 25, 2020 at 3:46 PM Posted in Married Life 0 7

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I’m doing a surprise project for my husband’s quarantine bday- it’s a milestone one, so I wanted to make it special. He loves his family (local and all over the world) and is very loyal, especially to the local families. I requested if they could give a quick birthday shout out and text it to me. Obviously, we’re all on lockdown and can’t all be in the same room celebrating. The cousins he was brainwashed to believe were “bad, disloyal” growing up were actually the ones who responded back right away and are willing to drive by for a parade. The ones he’s loyal to (helps when ever they need him, remembers all their birthdays) never responded back to me at all. Herd mentality- I married into a mafia style family.

I’m just so upset for him but I know no matter what he’ll still love them and I need to know how to separate my feelings with his. That’s his family. I just wonder (as he matures) if he knows who really cares for him vs who pretends to care for him

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7 Comments

Latest activity by Mrs. S, on April 27, 2020 at 2:31 PM

Super November 2019
Mrs. S · on April 25, 2020 at 4:00 PM
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I hear you. My husband’s family and friends didn’t come to our wedding because they didn’t feel like it. Only his mom and best man were there. And he is such a kind person. If I had any good advice I’d use it myself lol but I guess this is a thing. I just try to be there for him myself, focus on the people who do care, and remember that my husband is emotionally stronger than me and it doesn’t hurt him as much as it would me if the roles were reversed. I don’t want to bring him down lower than he is if he’s already ok. If your husband (and my husband too) chooses to be kind and accepting to people who don’t reciprocate, that’s his decision and I think it’s admirable. If he doesn’t want to go through that anymore, he’ll decide when enough is enough.
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Super September 2019
Courtney · on April 25, 2020 at 4:57 PM
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My husband is very loyal and always thinks of his family first too. He’s generous and willing to help anyone he loves - that’s what I love about him! Sometimes I feel like it wasn’t always requited, especially when we were wedding planning. I tried my best to not focus on how disappointed I was for him. It’s only natural to be sad when someone you love is sad. I would try not to dwell on negative feelings for his family and the situation and I would remind him how much you love him and support him. I also think relationships have the potential to change (especially as people mature or time passes) so I would try to not get too hung up on small disappointments. At the end of the day it’s his family and he’ll decide the relationship he has with them. I wouldn’t interfere with that unless they did or said something really damaging.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on April 25, 2020 at 5:17 PM
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Yeah sometimes I look at how his younger brother is so babied vs his parents need to rely on my husband all the time to help them it’s like they can’t even rely on the brother but still baby him. Kind of like I wish they would try to shift some responsibility
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Beginner September 2023
Lisamarie · on April 25, 2020 at 9:07 PM
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My fiancé has a similar family dynamic, except his brother is his twin and has legit no responsibilities. My man takes care of us, our house, works, goes to school and still runs all of his families errands constantly. It boggles my mind!!
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Devoted September 2012
The Sealpups · on April 27, 2020 at 2:17 PM
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Omg I’m so sorry. His friends and family didn’t attend your wedding because they “didn’t feel like it”. WOWWWW. Selfish people. An important reminder that all families are not friendly and accepting as we’ve all been taught to think. You’re right- he will decide, not me. Thanks for sharing!
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Devoted September 2012
The Sealpups · on April 27, 2020 at 2:21 PM
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I love what you said about relationships and their potential to change. That’s a great reminder. People grow and mature in some aspects. I did his surprise yesterday and I mentioned how some family here didn’t respond back or participate and he said, “yeah they’re lame”, so that’s new. He acknowledged it. Also, I do things like this here and there - surprise people or do projects such as this and I often feel like I don’t get enough credit. I don’t do it for the praise. I think it’s because men are simple. You move mountains and get “thanks”. You move mountains for women and you get, “omg you moved this mountain over here, especially when it was rainy?” More thought in their thanks. So with what you’ve said, I will change and grow from this and not be too disappointed in his response. Haha
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