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Devoted October 2016

Divorce after couples months of been marriage

Dayivi, on December 27, 2016 at 7:42 AM Posted in Married Life 1 43

Long story short we got married last October, it's both of us second marriage but he was single for 11 years after his firts divorce, we have been together for 3 years now he come to me and told me that he wants a divorce, he dosent want to break up with me he say he loves me but he wants the divorce, he said he dosent understand why but been marriage terrified him . So basically he wants us to stay together but not married. I told him if he go through with the divorce thing I will just pack my stuff and leave cause it doesn't make sence to me . He said that's not what he wants he just don't want to be married. I'm heart broken I hace two kids and he is the only relationship I had since I got my divorce with the kids father and I thought I have my life together once again now I'm terrified that I will have to start all over again. This is more like a vent but any one have any advice ? I will appreciate it .

43 Comments

Latest activity by Mark, on April 28, 2020 at 7:27 AM
  • MelissaErin
    Master December 2016
    MelissaErin ·
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    Go to couples counseling

    • Reply
  • MTMA9917
    VIP September 2017
    MTMA9917 ·
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    I second marriage counseling.

    • Reply
  • Catie
    Expert October 2017
    Catie ·
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    Definately agree with the other ladies! So sorry your going through all this and I hope it works out well for u and ur children!

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  • Miami2NorthernVA
    Master November 2017
    Miami2NorthernVA ·
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    I'm sorry you are going through this. He might just need individual counseling to figure out what his issue is with being married over being in a long term relationship. I don't know if there is anything you can do to change this. He needs to address the root problem.

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  • D
    Devoted October 2016
    Dayivi ·
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    Thanks lady's. I thought about the counseling but he needs to realize on his own that he needs help .I will talk to him about it

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  • Disney Sweetheart
    Devoted April 2019
    Disney Sweetheart ·
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    I'm sorry especially after the holiday ugh go to couples counseling.

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  • Jaimee
    Master October 2019
    Jaimee ·
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    Counseling. ASAP. Like yesterday, by the sounds of it.

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  • Mrs.K
    VIP June 2017
    Mrs.K ·
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    Sooo...I know that the conversation sucks and is awkward..But can you get to the root of why marriage terrifies him...And also, can you dig a little deeper to yourself and figure out why you NEED to be married to him?

    I think if he didn't want to be married again it should have come up long before now..Maybe you would have felt differently if there was no wedding.

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  • Phil
    Super October 2017
    Phil ·
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    Im sorry you're going through this, but you are married now....there is no "him realizing on his own" Suggest it, even make an appointment. Stay encouraged!

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  • D
    Devoted October 2016
    Dayivi ·
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    That's what I'm thinking. If he told me all this before it would of have been my decision to just stay in the relationship without married but after we got married in don't see my self staying with him if he go through with the divorce. It's humiliated to me

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  • Jaimee
    Master October 2019
    Jaimee ·
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    @OP, I would feel humiliated too. You're married; why divorce to stay together? It makes as much sense to me as it does for you. Counseling will hopefully get to the root of the problem. What he's doing is in no way fair to you.

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  • S
    Master January 2017
    SnowQueen ·
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    Sending you hugs. Everything I would say has been said so just sending some best wishes your way.

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  • Ms.G
    Super September 2017
    Ms.G ·
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    Counseling and if that doesn't work, Leave! That not stability, and no one deserves to be on an emotional rollercoaster like that, if divorce is filed then its done. You deserve better then that and frankly I wouldn't trust him, if marriage scared him so much then why did he go through with it, sounds like some shady motives on his behalf

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  • The Trap Selena
    Master March 2016
    The Trap Selena ·
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    OP doesn't NEED to be married to him. Being blindsided by her husband basically saying "just kidding...I changed my mind" after only 3 months is not being needy. What he did is a slap in the face.

    OP, like Alyssa said, you should feel secure in your relationship and he's broken that trust and security. Good luck to you.

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  • BiggMama
    Devoted April 2017
    BiggMama ·
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    I think thay counseling services will help

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  • D
    Devoted October 2016
    Dayivi ·
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    Thank you lady's. I'm devastating. No sure where I'm standing in feel so miserable and it's so complicated. We both have previous houses that we sold and buy a new one together I got rid of some stuff like living room sets and house stuff cause we have all double and now if I leave is like u have to start all over again. The house I had before I can afford the morgate but I sold it and now everything is expensive even an apartment. I don't know what to think or do

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  • D
    Devoted October 2016
    Dayivi ·
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    Right now I feel like you just can't trust anyone , people say they love you and then things like this happen . Do they really mean what they say what is going on

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  • Ms.G
    Super September 2017
    Ms.G ·
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    Consult with a divorce lawyer, you have a consultation just to find out what will happen, what your entitled to if he goes that route, and what the best options are for you to do to protect yourself and your children. You dont have to file for divorce to meet with a lawyer. This is one of those situations where you want to educate yourself on everything so your prepared.

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  • MrsA
    Master October 2015
    MrsA ·
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    I agree he (both of you) needs to seek counseling so that he can deal with the irrational fears he has. However, if he refuses to get help and try and goes through with it, it should be the end.

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  • Nancy Taussig
    Nancy Taussig ·
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    Did the 4 of you live together before you got married? Maybe it is an adjustment to not only living with you, but with your 2 kids, also. Definitely counseling is in order.

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