Disappointed about how bachelorette party went, and mad at myself about how i feel ?

View Quoted Comment That's a great idea about the photo frame or a Shutterfly book and a digital picture. On the flip side, just recently I bought my sister a tiara/sash for her big 50th b-day bash in Mexico and my daughter a 25th bday tiara/sash for her bday. NEITHER of them wore them and yet they were both excited about their "milestone" bdays. It's hard to know what people want, even those closest to us, unless it's communicated.

You’ve created a fantasy in your head that was nothing like what you told your bridal party you wanted. They went to great lengths (literally) to throw you the bachelorette party that you told them you wanted and any disappointment you’re now experiencing is the result of you falling victim to your own heightened expectations that you didn’t share with any of them.

Given you did enjoy yourself and had a wonderful weekend, I think you really need to let this go and express your gratitude to your girls for throwing you a wonderful bachelorette.

To put it into perspective for you, saying you didn’t have the authentic bachelorette experience because you “didn’t get a silly veil or tiara” is like saying that a wedding without a diamond ring isn’t really a wedding. You’re focusing on the most insignificant and trivial thing and letting it cloud your perspective.

A lot of covid brides didn't get bachelorette parties, or a shower, or even a wedding with beloved family members present, and here you are, obsessing over the lack of a tiara.

View Quoted Comment Amen to that!!!

View Quoted Comment I also agree with Natalie

You definitely need to look through other brides posts about the lack of interest their bridesmaids have and how they don't even want to plan a party for the bride. And realize just how lucky you are to have such a wonderful group of women supporting you and love you. Sorry but it's true you sound like a princess who expects people to read your mind. You definitely need to get a grip.

It rarely happens on this site but every now and then I read a post that I think can't be real, and this is one of them, especially because OP's wedding is supposed to be in two days.

On the off chance it is real, OP, if there was something you REALLY wanted like a tiara then you should have asked for that specifically because it sounds like they did exactly what you wanted.

Thank you to everyone who has answered.

I didn't post this to be met with empathy AT ALL. I really appreciate your comments, thoughts and suggestions.

I took away:

- I'm being completely ridiculous
- It was a life-lesson in "if you want it, ask for it and don't expect others to read your mind"
- I shouldn't be focused on perfect pictures on social media, but on the memories that I got to create together with my best friends
- A silly headpiece wouldn't have changed anything about the fact that it was a beautiful weekend which my incredible friends made possible

View Quoted Comment These are great takeaways. Asking for what you want is something that definitely resonates. A friend was literally kicking himself this week about not asking for better/bigger opportunities at work and expecting his bosses to know/advocate for him...just saying that this something that goes beyond weddings into other things in life (ie salary negotiation.. Women supposingly are worse than men when it comes to asking for more). It's a great to recognize it!!

It sounds like you had an amazing weekend. It sounds like you have people in your life who really care about you! You're very lucky. You don't need to "stand out" as the bride. Everyone knows you're the bride and you will surely stand out as the bride on your wedding day. Don't sweat it!

View Quoted Comment Since you matured up a bit, I'll share this.


Use an app to put a fun tiara sticker or sash on a few pics, or use a digital background frame. That way you have that branded look in place, and can truly enjoy the memories as well

Get a grip. The day you may wear a tiara or veil is still coming, and you are past silly expecting one for your bachelorette. Weekend was great. Why can't you be happy with that?

Your MOHs are not responsible for reading your mind. They planned an event based off of what you asked for and wanted. It was your job to tell them about specific details that mattered to you.

I'm sorry you feel like a few details weren't to your liking, but that is no one's fault but your own. It sounds like your girls planned a really fun weekend and you just wish there had been some components there that you didn't explicitly ask for. Your girls went out of their way to provide you with a unique experience - it was a complete surprise and they all traveled and chipped in so that you could have an amazing, fun, drama free girls weekend. That is a lot more than many brides get.

If you are going to nitpick minor insignificant details that weren't exactly to your liking, you are setting yourself up to feel the same way about your wedding. When you focus on the one or two things that weren't perfect, you lose sight of all of the really good things that happened and forget about all of the things that could have gone disastrously wrong, but didn't.

Focus on the good. For what its worth, I think grown women who aren't royalty look ridiculous wearing tiaras out in public and your maids not getting you one likely spared you (and them) some embarrassment and may have resulted in you avoiding negative bachelorette stereotypes when you went out.

I would also NOT mention this to your bridesmaids or MOH, because it will come across as you being bridezilla like and isn't fair to them. Maybe sometime down the road yes, but its best to just be appreciative of all they did and wait until long after the wedding to bring up the "things I wish I had done differently" revelations.

View Quoted Comment

Just saw this and wanted to say go you for being so mature about all of this and taking this experience as a learning lesson.

I do want to iterate to focus on the good, especially with your upcoming wedding. It won't be 100% perfect and flawless, but chances are it will be amazing (sounds like you have a super awesome group of supportive friends). Really let yourself embrace the beautiful moments, roll with the mishaps when they happen, and you'll have a beautiful day to remember forever.