Did you stay out of your bachelorette party planning completely?

I think this is something you let them figure out. My sister (MOH) and bridesmaids planned the whole thing without my knowledge, they just told me what days to take off work.

Yea they need to work it out amongst themselves. My sister asked me what I wanted to do for mine, I told her dinner and dancing, and they worked it out from there. I had nothing to do with the cost of anything, and I assume they all discussed a budget before choosing a restaurant.

And honestly, this might be a UO, but if you have, say, 10 girls, and 9 of 10 are willing to spend X, and I was the only one who felt I couldn't afford whatever it was, I would just not go. I'd never expect people to change plans over me. I skipped a bach for a good friend because money was tight at the time and I couldn't afford her bach, her shower gift, and a wedding gift.

Depends on the two girls in question. Is your sister butting heads with everyone? Or just your FSIL? For my bachelorette, I told my MOH what weekend was best and a general area of where I wanted to go. She didn’t want to surprise me so we worked on location together. The only time I intervened when I found out two girls (out of 15), one whom I didn’t even want invited to literally anything, were trying to get my MOH to cancel everything she planned so they could book their own ideas. I told my MOH not to cancel anything and the other girls I wasn’t interested. ETA - I was completely unaware of what my MOH was planning until these two girls started ripping on her. She has a bit of anxiety so she freaked out and spilled all the details because she didn’t know which I preferred.

Yes, I stayed completely out of it. At one point, my MOH mentioned some potential plans to me to make sure I'd be okay with them, but she took care of planning and coordinating with the other BMs to make sure everyone was happy and on board. I had no clue what we were actually doing until they drove me away in a van.

I agree that it's best to stay out of it.

@mrsfallbride this is exactly what i was thinking. I wanted to ask like is it just her who has issues with the cost or is it more than that? I doubt they are planning anything extravagant - my sister (MOH) is fresh out of college working her first job so if anyone would be on a tight budget its her. but i do feel bad if FSIL can't come because she is a bridesmaid and I do want her there but I already have enough stress with the wedding planning i really dont want to get involved in the bachelorette planning.

I am not having ANY involvement.. what they choose to cover is up to them.

I was not involved except to say I only wanted BMs invited (when asked who I wanted invited).

I agree with Mrs Fall Bride, I bowed out of a bachelorette party because it was too much money. It's not guaranteed that all the girls have to go.

I'm staying out of it. One of my friends asked for the numbers of everyone that I would want to go and she created a group text with them that I'm not included in. They're just going to tell me what to pack and what days I'm going to be gone. That's one less thing I have to worry about.

My MOH (twin sister) and my BM's came to me if there were any issues or conflicts within the group, but that was really it.

My sister asked me to create a theme for her to work with at the beginning, so I did. It wasn't too much involvement.

Side note, some people haven't planned or been involved in a bachelorette party before, so if they do have some questions, it's not a big deal IMO to help them out with minimal answers. But they do need to plan this in your honor.

@katieBMY yeah thats the only reason I feel like I might get involved because this is my sisters first time doing anything like this. But had asked one of my good friends that is a bridesmaid how it was going and she said great and that my sister was doing a great job of coordinating everything. The bridesmaids are all pretty close and have known eachother for a long time besides FSIL so I don't want her to feel like shes the odd one out.

Let them work it out. I'm staying out of it. My MOH asked me for possible dates for my bachelorette party and bridal shower. Last week, she gave me the dates of both and said that she'll pick me up for both. Then she mentioned for me to make sure that I have enough blank pages on my passport. I have no clue what they're planning for either and really don't want to since I'm planning a wedding.

@brd2be don't get involved just yet. Let your sister take over and handle it as much as possible. My sister was in the same situation as yours, and the whole group pulled it off! But my sister did come to me for anything out of the ordinary or any conflicts, and that was the only time I stepped in.

@futuremrswhite thats exactly how i am feeling lol. both my mother and FMIL keep asking me if i am having a shower and I'm like I am planning a wedding, anything other events I am not involved in.

For mine, I set the guest list and location. My MOH & some BM's suggested out of town destination and I said I would prefer it in town so that more would be able to make it and my out of town BM could visit me. All my BM's lived in a different states so I was so happy to host them at my place, kicked DH out for the weekend. I would inquire with MOH what the issue is and perhaps you can help because these are your people.

This may be UO but I offered to pay for the hotel room for my bachelorette party. My sister (MOH) was trying to coordinate a night in Philly (we live in NJ) and between my SIL who was only part time, and two of my bridesmaids being teachers/not a ton of disposable income, it was getting hard for her to plan. I offered to cover the cost of the hotel room so they didn't have to factor that in. I really didn't want people to say they couldn't go because of money, I would much rather everyone hang out together. I could handle that expense, so I took it on.

Philly was a central point for people traveling in and it was getting complicated with covering rooms and dinner/drinks, so I just said I'll pay for that so people only had to buy dinner/drinks for themselves. Everyone was really appreciative and all those who I wanted to go were able to attend.

@brieliz yeah see i dont mind contributing $$ at all but I don't want to make it awkward because it seems like only my FSIL has an issue with price and I don't want her to feel singled out. I was thinking of maybe offering up some flight points to pay for flights if there is a flight involved since I have quite a few but I don't want to overstep.

Yes, except for guest list and date/time.

@Brieliz my mom ended up offering to pay for the hotel room for mine. She really wanted to contribute and make it easy for the girls planning it, and for us to all have a good time in the city without having to worry about drinking and driving.

My MOH and BM (my sisters) asked me what I would like to do and who I would like to invite. After that I told them just tell me where to be and what time to be there.