Dealing with a dilemma.

It's definitely worth bringing up. I wouldn't be concerned that he only feels that way about you when he's drinking, it's more likely that he just needs a little liquid courage to really talk about his emotions or be affectionate. That doesn't mean that it's okay though and he needs to hear you out when you express your concerns. I would bring it up to him again and maybe suggest some couples or individual counseling to help learn each other's wants and needs.

I think it’s super important to bring it up. Communication is so important and it won’t resolve itself if you aren’t both on the same page.

Absolutely bring it up! That being said a lot of men aren't taught to express their feelings properly and can feel very awkward doing it. There's a chance your husband really doesn't understand or know how to express himself or what's important to you. Maybe think of one or two concrete things he could start trying to do so he has a reference for what you like. If there's something he says or does a little tipsy that you like mention that you like it but it would mean more if he was sober for it. It'll be easier for him to try something he's done before. Start with baby steps.
It'll probably be a long while before he's good at showing affection but just try to go one step at a time, good habits aren't formed over night.

Thank y’all! I just feel like maybe I’m bad at communicating because it’s sorta been brought up by me before and it usually turns into a fight/argument. I hate feeling like I’m asking too much because he’s a great husband he’s just lacking the affectionate part of the relationship. But that’s my love language. I’m taking all of your advice and hopefully I can express how I’m feeling to him!

This can be difficult Kourtney. When my parents were dating, my dad said that my mom was very cuddly, but after their wedding she wasn't as cuddly or verbally loving anymore. He knows, and always has known, that she loves him, it can just be difficult sometimes.

I recommend you both taking the 5 Love Languages Test to see what your love languages are. He could show his love through acts of service whereas you are a physical touch/quality time person. It is something that you will both have to learn how to love on each other. My fiancé and I also are doing pre-marital counseling and recently we took an "aptitude" test, for lack of better words, where I learned that he processes most of his emotions inwardly. So before, I could've thought he was just keeping quiet so he didn't upset me, when in reality he just is wired to process things differently than I am. Again, it is something we will have to work with.

I think it definitely couldn't hurt to bring it up, but maybe use this language -

"I feel sad (or however). I love when you compliment me or cuddle up with me, but I feel sad when you don't show me you love me. Can we please find time to talk about this?"

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I agree with PP. He may feel awkward trying to be romantic. Some people just don't have that something something. Maybe talk about over drinks at home or a nice hotel. He may open up once he's had some liquid courage.

Some people have different ways of expressing love but it doesn't mean they cant try other ways. My husband is also not a talker. But he's definitely an acts of service type where he will do a lot of things for me. However I've expressed to him that it would be nice to show each other different ways in which we love each other. And so hes receptive to my ideas and he tries to incorporate it when and as best as he can

1) love languages quiz for both of you asap

2) how are his parents? Are they affectionate or more reserved? What about yours? I come from a very reserved household and definitely get more affectionate with alcohol because I’m just not comfortable generally being so overt. My husband comes from an extremely affectionate household and is always saying sweet things and snuggling up.

I would guess he feels loving toward you all of the time, but something in his upbringing or experience has taught him string men keep their emotions in check. Or maybe he was made fun of, called disparaging things insinuating that only gay men, or week ones, express happiness with emotional statements, and sadness or grief by crying. So he represses expressing the feelings, even though they are always there. Drinking loosens his inhibitions so he feels relaxed enough to tell you how he always feels, but holds in when sober. . Like me, I live the sing, and play music. But since throat infections left me a husky voice, no more clear mezzo soprano, I absolutely will not sing with anyone else around, not even when music is so loud no one would hear me. Others ask me to sing, thinking my voice okay. But I am so self conscious, aware of what to me is an awful loss, that has cut out what was a big part of my social activities. But after some alcohol that is not harsh, I will sing with anyone around, it at a party, or with family. I always carry that live if music and singing with me. I don't have to get drunk to feel that urge to break out singing. But when I do, I repress it, even when alone outside. But a couple if drinks, and I no longer care what anyone but me thinks. . Do you see what I am saying? He does not have to get drunk to feel live for you. But he needs to relax, to tell you so. You, relax. It's okay.🙂

Absolutely worth bringing up if it's on your mind and concerns you. It may take a while of you two working together to find a balance where you're both comfortable with the level of affection in your relationship but working together as a team is the only way to get there. Just keep trying to talk together about it, gently and with lots of understanding and patience for each other.

Have you taken the love language test? His love language just might not be words of affirmation or physical touch. That’s my love language but not my FH’s. His is acts of service. So once I learned his love language it made it easier to understand why he’s less touchy than I’d expect. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me! He just shows it in different ways.

You can google the test it’s free