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Olivia
Just Said Yes May 2021

Covid wedding?

Olivia, on January 12, 2021 at 12:28 PM Posted in Parties and Events 0 16
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We have decided to do an intimate wedding on 5/22/2021. It is going to be my immediate family, his immediate family and 5 friends (20 guest in total) My mother and friends still wants to throw me a bridal shower- how do we throw a bridal shower yet say, due to covid we are keeping the wedding small and you are not invited to the wedding....

I just don't think its right- but i do feel like I am missing out from a lot of the wedding experience because of COVID.

16 Comments

Latest activity by Eri, on January 12, 2021 at 8:19 PM
  • Shelly
    Rockstar January 2022
    Shelly ·
    • Flag

    A lot of people on here are going to say: "Whoever is invited to a shower, must be invited to the wedding."

    I usually like to stick to that rule, but this pandemic has put a lot of things on hold for weddings, and has altered how everything is done, including showers/parties. My MOH is eloping with her FH, and it will be just the two of them, but they had a shower thrown for them. No hard feelings were felt from me or my FH, and I don't think anyone else felt that way either. We were just happy we got to celebrate them!

    Even though you are going to have guests, I still think it's fine to have a shower. My reasoning is because your guest list is just 20 people, and all family with the exception of 5 friends.

    I personally think it's fine to have a shower thrown for you. Just because this pandemic has messed with other things regarding your wedding, doesn't mean you don't deserve to have a shower and feel loved and special.

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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    You don’t.
    • Reply
  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
    • Flag
    Perhaps you could consider having a virtual one?
    • Reply
  • Olivia
    Just Said Yes May 2021
    Olivia ·
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    I guess maybe I should elaborate- the idea was thrown out that we have a drive by Bridal Shower, or a virtual bridal shower. I still don't feel morally right telling people to give me gift and celebrate me, when they are not invited to the wedding.

    Or am I overthinking it?

    • Reply
  • Olivia
    Just Said Yes May 2021
    Olivia ·
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    I appreciate your input, but can you explain why you feel that way. Keep in mind, they were not thinking of having an in-person shower. It would be virtual or drive-by.

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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    Yes, bc it depends on circumstances. If ppl arent invited because truly the venue cannot accommodate a large amount due to COVID mandates then that is out of the nuptials control. I just wouldn't have a registry in that situation. I would ask others donate to a charity of my choice. Or make a list of the honeymoon expenses on honeyfund and they are free to donate any amount, no matter how small to that.
    • Reply
  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
    • Flag
    You could also simply change the name of it from shower to luncheon or pre wedding celebration
    • Reply
  • A
    Expert September 2020
    Amanda ·
    • Flag
    I’d consider a virtual shower.
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    A.) Only wedding guests should be invited to pre-wedding events, but especially showers. It’s gift grabby to invite someone to an event where they’re expected to bring you a gift, but not the event where you actually host them.
    B.) A virtual or drive by shower is even worse. At least at a traditional shower the guests are being fed, given a favor, etc. Not that that even makes it okay. So you literally just want them to drive by and give you a wedding gift for a wedding that they’re not even invited to while you give them absolutely nothing?
    • Reply
  • Ash
    Dedicated April 2021
    Ash ·
    • Flag
    I agree with Shelly 100000%!!!!!
    • Reply
  • Jess
    Devoted May 2021
    Jess ·
    • Flag

    I agree with Shelly. Some "traditions" have to be let go during Covid.

    • Reply
  • Brigitte
    Dedicated May 2021
    Brigitte ·
    • Flag

    It's not fair for people to tell you you can't have a shower because those guests can't attend your wedding due to state regulations. I'm in the same boat! Of course those people would be invited to the wedding if it were allowed, but it's not. My state is capped at 25 people right now, which is the bridal party and parents. We are planning on having a livestream of the wedding for all our guests we can't have there physically. And that shouldn't mean that we don't deserve all the pre-wedding festivities. My family is HUGE on showers, and cancelling my bridal shower wasn't even an option for my mom and sisters planning the event. We came up with the idea of a come & go shower (like a drive by) and have favors and a to-go lunch for the guests to take with them. They don't have to get out of their car if they don't want to. With everything going on nowadays I think it's perfectly acceptable to invite people to the shower even if they aren't invited to the wedding. And with the way we're doing it, the guest at least gets a meal and a cute favor (I'm not a fan of the mail-in or showers where it's basically just asking guests to send a gift or cash and get nothing out of the "event"). I know every person that we invite to the shower would be upset if they weren't invited to the shower because they aren't going to be invited physically to the wedding. They want to celebrate the bride, as that's what a shower is for! People need to change their mindsets in regard to etiquette right now. And if anyone you invite has a problem with you "not following standard etiquette", they can say no and not come. You don't want that negativity at the event anyways!

    • Reply
  • Stacy
    Just Said Yes July 2021
    Stacy ·
    • Flag
    Olivia,
    Do what is right for you and your fiancé, in your situation. Even without the Pandemic, people (especially women) are going to judge you, for not doing it how they would.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Agree with this. Etiquette still applies during a pandemic
    • Reply
  • Sharonda
    Rockstar January 2021
    Sharonda ·
    • Flag
    I agree with Shelly and Brigitte. The people who know and love you just want to be able to celebrate with you ... especially and even if they cannot attend the wedding. I was in the same boat and people just wanted to be a part of the process in some way. If they know and love you, inviting them to the shower won’t be seen as gift grabby but a means to celebrate this milestone with them. I know what “showers” traditionally mean, but sometimes gifting is not necessarily the main focus.
    • Reply
  • Eri
    Super October 2020
    Eri ·
    • Flag

    My family really wanted to throw me a shower, but none of us felt comfortable with that. If we had, it would've only been for people invited to our downsized wedding.

    We were in a situation where we had sent Save the Dates out in February to our full guest list, which had a link to our website for hotel information and whatnot.

    When we made the decision to downsize, we sent out Change of Plans cards, which also had the website on the back. The website had more details on our decision and a longer message to our family and friends, but it also had our registry link. A small number of guests that were no longer invited (about 5 families) still ended up sending us a gift, which we did not expect at all.

    I would not have felt right at all about actually asking that group of people for a gift via some sort of shower. Many are unemployed or struggling, and it just doesn't seem right to me.

    Yes, it sucks not to have a shower, or a bachelorette party, or all those fun pre-wedding events. But this is one of those things that I just couldn't personally do.

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