Co-ed shower.

All kinds of no.
1.) It’s rude to host a shower for yourself. If someone else offers, great, but they should be choosing the theme and decor.
2.) Showers are for physical gifts, not “donations.”
3.) No one should be invited to pre wedding events who isn’t invited to the wedding. This comes off as gift grabby which honestly seems like your goal since you’re inviting “literally all the ppl you know.”

Guests who are invited to the shower should also be invited to the wedding. If they are not invited to the wedding they should not be on the guest list for the shower.

The whole idea of a shower is to shower the couple with gifts, not necessarily money. It is rude to ask for money. If you don't have a registry set up for your guests to choose from you will most likely end up with things you don't want. I have never seen money gifted at a shower.

You could do a stock the bar shower where people bring alcohol.

View Quoted Comment I agree with all of this!

Definitely nothing wrong with doing a co-ed event, but that sounds more like an engagement party than a bridal shower. I also would not invite people that won't be invited to the wedding if you're expecting gifts/money, that just makes you look greedy when you don't intend on paying for them to be at the wedding. I know a lot of people have things against honeymoon funds, but ultimately you know your crowd better than we do. I wanted to do a honeymoon fund, but my FH and my side of the family thought it was REALLY tacky. I personally don't see the problem if everyone is spending money on you anyways. I think the biggest flaw in your plan is the guest list, but other than that it's all based off your own judgement.

View Quoted Comment We are having an intimate wedding of family and close friends but we have a host of friends and coworkers between the two of us and impossible to invite them all. This will clearly states in the invite for the shower. They will know we are planning a intimate wedding.

It's rude to host a shower myself? I am not following that at all. It's a celebration on our upcoming nuptials. We didn't have an engagement party either. This would be a combined event.

I've been to 2 weddings where they've ask for money and that's exactly what they got.
Further, what your saying all sounds "Traditional" and I am very far from that.

View Quoted Comment I am finding most of these replies are Traditional which is fine but I am an out of the box person and I have been to a few weddings and celebration where they've asked for money and that is what I gave.

View Quoted Comment There’s a huge difference between untraditional and rude. Hosting a gift giving event for yourself is, in fact, rude. Inviting someone to an event where the entire point is to give you gifts and then not inviting them to the wedding is also rude. Untraditional is wearing a black wedding dress or seeing your FS before the ceremony, not blatantly asking people for money and not returning the favor by hosting them at your wedding.

I see this is definitely " To each, their own" anywho thanks for the replies...enjoy your planning as I definitely am.

View Quoted Comment

Maybe you can host a House Warming Party or Open House. I wouldn't call it a shower or engagement party because that implies that they will be invited to the wedding.

Like Caytlyn said there is a difference between rude and nontraditional. I have been to weddings where they asked for money, it is still rude. This is not a "to each, their own" thing, it is a treat your guests with respect thing, they are not deep pockets to fund your wedding/honeymoon.

View Quoted Comment Yes to allllllll of this.

I was a fairly non-traditional bride and am super open to non-traditional ideas but all of this is just noooooo.

Its totally cool you don’t want gifts. That’s fine. If you want money don’t register and people are smart enough to get the hint. To go off and say “we’re inviting everyone we know and then we just won’t invite them to the wedding” is downright insulting. Treating friends and family this way is not non-traditional, it’s going to come off as potentially rude or looking like all you want is their money (not saying that’s what your motivations are, it’s how it can come off to a lot of people hence why the comments here look the way they do).

Obviously, you do you. If you want to keep this plan in motion, so be it. Please, though, reflect on some of the comments here. We have no stake in your wedding so we are going to give you the most non-biased/constructive/un-sugar coated advice. It’s always such a bummer when we see posts where the couple finds out friends and family think something they did was rude.

It's super inappropriate to invite people to a wedding event if they aren't invited to the wedding, so I'd avoid doing that. I'd also avoid having a shower if you don't want physical gifts.

View Quoted Comment

This 100%. What you're planning is horribly rude.

Why not just do this after the wedding as a post wedding celebration to include everybody like you'd like? It would be way less rude to do it that way.

I've been to showers where people have asked for honeyfund &/or money. And at my shower I received over $700 in cash & gift cards (despite having a registry & items available) so I don't agree with people only give gifts @ showers. However, it might be my area though.

However, I am in agreement that only people invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower.

There's no "in lieu of"; money IS a gift. Donations are for charities, not vacation funds. This has nothing to do with traditional vs. nontraditional. The advice that you are receiving here is about treating people respectfully and kindly. What you are planning is neither respectful nor kind.

Many people have intimate weddings and then invite friends and family to a celebration after the fact. That is fine. But it is less confusing with far less chance of hurting feelings to hold that event AFTER the wedding instead of before and it wouldn't be called a shower.

Like it or not, the word "shower" has a specific meaning. If you want to plan a different type of event, call it something else (even just a "party"). And please don't demand gifts. That doesn't sit well with guests.

View Quoted Comment But ur not planning a shower, your planning a friends only relaxed reception...?

View Quoted Comment THIS, 100%! You never host your own party and you definitely can’t invite guests to your shower and not invite them to your wedding!

This is wrong on so many levels. First, you shouldn't throw yourself a shower and ask for money to fund your wedding,/honeymoon--that comes across as a cash grab. Second, if someone isn't invited to the wedding, they *should not* be invited to the pre-wedding parties. It comes across as "Well, you're not a good enough friend to make the A-list, but hey, you're sort of close, so just give me money." In other words, it's incredibly rude.

If you want to invite these people who aren't invited to the wedding, wait until after the wedding, and then throw a housewarming party. (or just a party with no label.)